I'm so fuckin tired of waking up alone

I woke up again today at 3 in the morning from a bad dream...this is about the 5th day in a row this has happened. I hate waking up from a bad dream to find an empty bed. All I can think right now is how much I'd like to drag my ex out behind the barn and beat the shit outta him. Then I realize it isn't really his fault and it's not like he was ever really here when we were "together" anyway and I realize that I'd really like to drag the universe out behind the barn and beat the shit outta her. I know...I have a lot of pent up anger. It's probably not really the universe's fault either. It's my fault for not getting whatever message it's trying to get through my thick skull...I'm tired of that too...tired of the universe dropping me into situations and relationships that I have no clue how to deal with.

I'm just really tired. I'm tired of being alone all the freakin time. I'm tired of how every guy I've been interested in in the last 2 years who shows the least bit of return interest is either 2000 miles away or taken or hung up or not ready or whatever.

I'm rambling and not making much sense. Chalk it up to lack of sleep. Move along people, nothing to see here.

That's all I'm saying to ya.

You have a barn?

when i wake up from a bad dream, i have to turn the tv on to keep me company.

:hug:

sometimes I stay up til daylight because I can't stand to wake up like that in the dark. :hug:

*

It will get easier as time gets by. At the meantime stay focused on you and your development.

If I have good dream I enter a stage of "Lucid Dreaming". I can control things. If it's bad I usually end up seconds away from death before I wake up. And it always freaks me out. I'm not sure if having someone by my side would be a good thing. In the past it was OK. But, the last couple of years things have gotten more intense. I had a fucked-up childhood. I blame that. I think it's time to get a shrink.

Bad Childhood = Liberal

What do you mean by bad childhood equals liberal? Are you a conservative? What is your purpose? When did you decide to join a Democratic forum? Where is your head? Why are you here?

That seems a bit excessive.

But, I shooting for "you must be fucked up to be a liberal" it was more of a jab at repubs using a ad hom whenever faced with liberal ideas.

I'm a registered socialist.

Discussion of topics with the freepers ejected.

About a week ago after I saw the link on FARK.

In my ass.

Discussion of current events with the freepers ejected.

Sorry, if you don't get my jokes..

no worries be happy...

Too much Masturbation Childhood= Republican
Stupid in School childhood = Republican
Dumbass Republican parents childhood= Republican
Small Penis Childhood= Republican
Fuck over other kids childhood= Republican
Pompous Ass Childhood= Republican
Steal Kids lunch money childhood=Republican

I could go on forever...that was fun...

except for that one about the parents, you just described my childhood...

There are a whole shit-load of lonely guys out there.
A. Don't get involved with Married guys or guys with girlfriends.
B. Avoid self centered guys.
C. Be a little demanding at first...see how he reacts...does he feel your worth the time and effort.
D. Do volunteer work in areas that interest you (art, music, politics etc) you are more likely to meet guys you appeal to.
E. Dress in a fashion that is attractive to men whom you wish to appeal to. (men are like dogs...except dogs are much more faithful)
F. If you don't already...find a hobby or interest that you can devote time and effort to. You will appeal to men if you are independent of outside needs.
G. Do not get involved in long distance relationships...they generally do not work(OK OK I know some do...most do not!)
H. Get out of the house at least 3 times a week to areas of public interest.
I. Let him know you are interested in a permanent relationship...better to be honest and up front about this...
J. Begin a regular exercise regimen...if possible join a gym...if not go for walks in parks or trails...with normal safety measures. (38 caliber?)
K. Don't be a doormat...if a guy screws you over or appears to want to marginalize you...dump him and move on.
L. Don't be paranoid.
M. Meditate
N. Don't write off short fat guys with long hair just because they don't "have a portfolio".

don't look at these as hardfast rules...just guidelines to be aware of...and try to be lighthearted about this...In the past I've spent years alone and by myself...years...now I'm married with two kids...this is just a phase that you are going thru...get past it.

Thanks, cleofus1. :thumbsup:

sometimes I rock...sometimes I roll

I don't know. There are no thoughts. The romantic illusion is
lovely, like a magical film, and love finally emerges when the
expectations of the dream surrender to real life.

Travel, take a thousand bux and buy an open ticket to india for
a few months, and get the hell out of dodge. Suprisingly, you might
meet someone you've not conceived of, yet who might be quite your
special karma. Leave some opening, by getting out of your life.

if you're wealthy and have no responsibilties.

Well, in that case, there's always bowling... and dogs. Furry dogs
can be altogether more satisfying lovers than people. Then you
needn't be so wealthy as to go walkabout. Vision question/walkabout
are still highly preferred if you can arrange them. Poepl fall in to
ruts so early and don't change out of them because there
are "always" responsibilities, and nobody is ever wealthy...

like i said, whatever.

last thing i want to do is get in a sparring match with someone named "sweetheart". and you're right, not all "responsibilities" have the importance that we give them. and truly "wealth" is a subjective term.

dupe

I found early morning the worst but, it does get easier as time goes on. Best advice I got was to be sure you 'eat right".

It's been 10 years since the second guy walked out--afraid of commitment, responsibility, whatever.

I think that the unsuccessful and unattached survivors of the Vietnam War will be always alone. The women, because so many potential lovers and husbands were killed, mentally or emotionally destroyed, addicted, of otherwise rendered unfit for human relations. The men because a girl would have to have a tremendous amount of time, money and energy to burn trying to rehabilitate one of the veterans, and a thick enough skin to try again when the effort proved futile.

This culture is sick, and it's been getting worse. I never thought things could get worse than they were with Reagan's regime, but they have. Mercedes Lackey has a novel about this--"The Fairy Godmother" which is the only thing I've ever seen for those unable to make a switch in sexual orientation. Haven't finished it yet, to see if there's a cop out happy ending.

Personally, I'd like to see us take over this government and wipe out the Alpha Males (like that tribe of baboons reported in the NYTimes), and remake society in Her image. Then maybe the following generations might have a happily ever after.

I don't want to make a bitter person feel even worse but you must be joking right? Listen, I'm no Alpha Male, but a "final solution" that involves gender is the sign of mental illness.
As far as I know homosexuality is not a choice...so you can't really change your orientation (or can you?). You are either born that way or not?
And there are plenty of men out there who are not defective and or unfit...you just have to reach out and find them...and that should be a good thing...not a source of bitterness.
And this culture is not sick...it's probobly the best that has ever existed. Of course that's just my opinion...but I will stick by it!

The last thing I need to see when I wake up is another human.

but admittedly...i need people too.

My fiancee is long gone when I get up, and that's a-ok with me.

WRONG PERSON.

So, there's a bright side. I guess.

By the way, I'm "hung up, not ready AND whatever". :D

especially if you have been with the wrong person for way too long.

Man, is that a depressing way to wake up! Hi Cheryl! :hi:

I've been there too,
It's the pits :thumbsdown:

good to see ya' :hi:

every guy I like who likes me back is 2000 miles away, taken, hung up, not ready AND whatever. :)

I'm so sick of going on day in and day out with no hope or prospect of finding true love. I'm the only one in the family who is not married at the present time and I don't even have an SO. I feel so desperate, so lonely, so certain that I'll never find the riight one. It's on my mind every day and it's so depressing

I usually have at least one cat jumping on the bed demanding food. They're like damn alarm clocks.

But I love them!

:loveya:

I could say there are worse things than being alone, but it's a cold comfort. I'm in limbo separation mode with a man who years ago I thought was the love of my life. Now, it's evolved into God-knows-what. It's going to keep me from pursuing any other real relationship for a couple years all of which I don't have much faith in. My husband tells me because I look younger and good so I'll have no problem attracting people. Perhaps no problem in people wanting to scr*w me, but how about anything else? Anyone out there still like the proverbial "nice girl", not a repressed, uptight nice girl, but a nice girl nonetheless? :cry:

After meeting you in Boston I can definately say it's his loss though!!

...but I'm kinda spoken for. :shrug:

for all those lonely liberals out there.

An ex-girlfriend came to visit last weekend, and I had a couple of nights cuddling up to her in bed, it was lovely to wake up in the middle of the night and have someone there.

She was just visiting before she leaves the country for two years, (she was going before she visited, I didn't scare her off!)

So that's the end of that & after a fantastic weekend I'm miserable now too.

Hell, half my problem with guys "2000 miles away or taken or hung up or not ready or whatever" involves guys I met here. Eep.

we're only men after all

I wrote virtually the same thing in my journal yesterday. I'm damn tired of being alone!

I tallied it up and including my marriage, I've been alone for about 20 years. I included the married years because, as you said it's not like he was ever really here when we were "together" anyway . He was not able to be mentally present with me.

I don't have nightmares anymore, but I did for a long time. :hug: My mother died at 3:30 am and for a couple of years afterwards, I woke up at exactly 3:30 am on most nights.

The winter, the cold and the damp and the dark, bothered me more this year than in years past, too. Now that the days are longer and warmer, I've resolved to get out more. I refuse to be a hermit.

:grouphug:

:grouphug:

Hang in there.

were just the opposite. I never felt like he wasn't mentally present when we were together. We were just rarely physically together. The first 2 years weren't so bad...we were both undergrads at Texas Tech together and we were together every day. But then I ran into money problems and had to leave and finish up closer to home. He was supposed to follow me and go to law school close to where I was.

Well, that got overtaken by events when I got into grad school at UT. He did come down and go to grad school in San Antonio for a while but he was living with family and didn't have a car and so I didn't see him any more in San Antone than I did when he was in Lubbock. Eventually he went back out to Lubbock for more grad school...got a Msters and was working on a PhD.

He finished his PhD coursework and all he had left was finishing his dissertation as of xmas 2001. He was supposed to move to Austin February 2002. Instead he decided he "needed to find himself" and we broke up.

you know you have friends here.

DDQM

it's OK to be angry and disappointed.

i don't want to bore you by telling you what you already know.

someone will come along,
and when they do,
you'll be happy that you weren't stuck in a 'so-so' or 'for now'
relationship.

hang in there! :hug:

I'm tired of coming in second place for the girl because of: another guy or busy schedules or you're the wrong guy or (add blow-off message here). Sucks even more when my last date was one of my better ones. (but we can still hang out...)

I have to look at it like this--being alone beats the hell out of being miserable with the wrong person. I've done both, alone ain't so bad.

Peace of mind...priceless.

I always end up feeling like I'm the consolation prize...the girl they're holding in reserve just in case things don't work out with the one they really want.

Either that or there's always something that's more important than I am. I don't expect to be the center of someone's universe all the time...but it would be nice to have someone's undivided attention at least sometimes.

I don't rate that much, I get the "sorry, Charlie" award. Hang in there, it's gotta get better---I hope, I hope, I hope! That's my

but don't write off someone if there exists distance between you.

if it is 'right' distance issues will work themselves out and the direction it takes you in could be for the better.

I spent a decade with my ex and for most of that time we were "long-distance" while one or the other of us was in school. I don't really want to repeat that experience.

But I also know deep down that by dropping so many people in my life who live so far away teh universe is trying to tell me it's time to move. I just don't know where yet.

that WORLD O PRETTY BOYS, might need some updating? Might also prove to find you more fodder for ...well..."self abuse":evilgrin: for those lonely nights. I think Johnny Depp needs his own gallery, as well as Mel Gibson, He may be nuts, be he looks damn good in a kilt! :bounce:

my best friend and I actually went round and round about Mel. I don't find him at all attractive because of his politics. I just can't get past the fact that he's a right-wing nut job and look at him from a purely physical perspective. I won...and he isn't included in the Society for the Promotion, Advancement, and Neccesity of Kilts on Men Everywhere (SPANKME).

no one will notice

warmer to snuggle with, and are more orally proficient. Something to think about O8)

I think both women and men have their own headgames.

But on your other two points, let's just say I disagree and I have anecdotal evidence to support my claim. O8)

:P

}(

Okay, better now.

I just don't seem to attract them that way. I mean hell, I've spent a year as a member of a women's chorus comprised predominantly of lesbians and haven't been hit on once. :)

how many people responded to this thread. I figured posting it in the middle of the night that it would sink like a stone. Anyway, thanks to everyone who has tried to cheer me up and hugs to everyone who's in the same damn boat I'm in. :hug:

i promise but i had another thought about what the universe might be trying to tell you.

you spoke of your ex not really being there when you two were together, and the men you are interested in now are out of reach for whatever reason... these situations have you thinking about relationships. perhaps you were not ready for the 'one' till now.
maybe you had to weed through these other 'relationships' to
come to an undertsanding about yourself and the kind of relationship you desire.

:hug:

I hope you're right and that I just have to work through it all and the right person is out there.

The whole story with my ex is long and complicated and boring but pertinent...let's just sum up...I turned to him when I was running away from someone else that I really cared about but who couldn't seem to avoid hurting me. I was tired of the pain so I found the calmest, most boring man on earth. No drama at all. I turned off most of my feelings for a decade and just drifted.

In the 2 years since the breakup I've had to deal with everything I was running from before, especially given that I ran back into the guy I was running from in the first place. I see him from time to time...nothing serious though. One of the most important things I learned in the last year was that no matter how much he and I care about each other, our personalities are too opposed for us to work out together on a permanent basis. Once I figured that out it stopped hurting so much and I can take it for what it is. But I didn't see that when I was 20. :)

There are a couple of other irons in the proverbial fire. But there are a variety of issues holding things up. It'll all work itself out in time. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

emotionally and psychologically. my amateur opinion is that, it was necessary for you to step back from serious relationships, heal and
recognize yourself again.

you're back, you're in a good place with YOU
and ready to invest emotionally, pyschologically in a relationship.

the universe is workin' for you
the turn in your 'path' is right around the corner(my prediction)

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Part of what you said certainly rings true...the part about recognizing myself again. I'm much more like "me" now than I was all those years I was with my ex. I'm much more like the person I was before...more adventurous and more open to people and certainly more actively engaged in the world. The last time I was this involved in politics was certainly before I hooked up with him.

I'm sorry, sweetie. :hug: Anyway, I'm not 2000 miles away, I'm only about 1700 miles away. Sorry, I know that doesn't help. Plus, I'm taken and whatever. I feel bad for you, 'cause I feel like I know you, and you deserve better. I hope the right guy comes along soon. I'm a fervent believer in the notion that the right person comes along when you least expect it. It happened that way for me. Hang in there, sexy. It'll happen.

I hope the DU grouphug helped. :grouphug:

I hate crying at work. :) :hug:

Of course the hugs helped. :)

I know the right person will come along when I don't expect it. I've just had that feeling a couple of times in the last year...where I met someone and there was chemistry and potential and thought to myself "maybe this is it" and then life gets in the way.

They are. Really.

You'd have woken up to find me already awake from bad dreams too.

woke me up to cuddle you when you had your bad dream so I never woulda had mine plus I woulda got a cuddle and I'm not seeing a down side here. :)

That's really what I would do....granted the fact that none of my past gf's would ever spend the night, so I only can guess.

;-)

It's been 9 long years for me. Eventually you get used to it.

is that they were idiots. Falling asleep snuggled up with someone is one of the great joys in life...even if it's just a friend and you aren't snuggling nekkid. It may well be the thing I miss most being alone.

I think you all need to knock off eating cheese before bedtime.

(Sorry to be flippant)

:hug:

I know how far away you are from your sweetie and I wish for you two that you didn't have to go through that. :hug:

you sound like a really lovely person...and i am sure you will have a partner soon...are you seriously looking for one?

For the longest time I wasn't really looking and then the universe dropped a couple of really interesting guys into my life. So now there are several men floating around the periphery of my life and I would like very much for one of them to turn serious. I'm just not sure what's going on with any of them right now.

take comfort in knowing that it won't always be this way. Know that your time just hasn't come yet...but it will. Have some confidence in yourself....you're a good person and good things will come your way.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate everyone trying to cheer me up. :)

I know things will get better...I'm just not very good at that whole patience thing.

April is Official Adopt-A-Yak Month on DU. Get your yak today, and chase those blues away!

This public service announcement brought to you by ZombyWoof, Chief Yak Strategist of DU.

trog snuck a couple into the Grotto when he thought I wasn't looking and of course someone (read me) had to give them a good home when the authorities shut us down for egregious violation of the no sex threads rule. :)

My teeny apartment is not a yak-friendly environment but we make do. :)

The yaks will make doo, too! :o

:hug: ZombyHug!

to housetrain. They won't go on the litter. And have you ever tried to rub a yak's nose in something if it doesn't want you to?

Its been almost four years since I broke it off with my ex. Like your ex, she wanted to go pursue her bliss. Unfortunately, she didn't have the courage to break it off herself, so I had to do it. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. In retrospect, I'm still positive it was the right thing to do.

For myself, going to bed alone is the worst part, even after all this time. I don't have the bad dream problem, but I still wake up and reach over to what was her side of the bed. Old habit, I guess.

Vel, there's help out there. Austin (at least when I used to live there) is chock full of people who are in the same boat getting together and working through the loneliness and helpless feelings. You are definitely NOT alone. PM me if you want some more details.

Here's a big hug. :hug: If I could, I'd come down there and buy you lunch at Kerbey Lane, and then we could go out to the lake and throw rocks at the Hummers pulling out of the Oasis. :P

mmm...pancakes. *drool*

Thanks for trying to cheer me up. :hug: (Heck, the mental image of throwing rocks at Hummers brought a smile to my face.) I'm doing better and everybody being so nice and trying to help certainly has a lot to do with that. :)

Its been almost four years since I broke it off with my ex. Like your ex, she wanted to go pursue her bliss. Unfortunately, she didn't have the courage to break it off herself, so I had to do it. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. In retrospect, I'm still positive it was the right thing to do.

For myself, going to bed alone is the worst part, even after all this time. I don't have the bad dream problem, but I still wake up and reach over to what was her side of the bed. Old habit, I guess.

Vel, there's help out there. Austin (at least when I used to live there) is chock full of people who are in the same boat getting together and working through the loneliness and helpless feelings. You are definitely NOT alone. PM me if you want some more details.

Here's a big hug. :hug: If I could, I'd come down there and buy you lunch at Kerbey Lane, and then we could go out to the lake and throw rocks at the Hummers pulling out of the Oasis. :P

Every time I think I'm used to it, I remember how much it sucks.

I've been doing the alone thing for a long time and just when I think I'm coping well...BLAMMO...some little thing will get me down for a bit.

I am doing better though...knowing that so many people care and that I'm not alone in this helps a lot. :hug:

I hate being single too yet it doesnt bother me at the same time, then again it can be very bothersome.

Typical Kleeb answer. Yes, no, maybe. :-)

nah

the woman that men date immediately before they find the woman they want to marry. :-(

It's happened way too often.

:hug:

I have a tendency to get the opposite...guys who are just broken up with "the love of their life" and still hung up.

"Your destiny is to be married within a year--only not to me." :-(

One of these days, I'd like to be "the next one."

And it only seems very recently that I am hearing more about this type of personal condition.

I am in the same situation... single, sad, and very lonely :(

You sound like a nice person to be with, too...

I hope you find that "special one".

I hope it happens for you too. :hug:

to waking up next to someone who doesn't love you?

:shrug:

I'm sorry for being insensitive.:dunce: I guess I'm just feeling a little more self pity than I usually let out. Tonite I just want to be able to start over and not have to feel. Feel the loneliness of knowing you have to start over in a new relationship, its so much work. I do know that the next time around, everything is going to be on the table. No more trying to make some else feel better and being afraid to say the things you want to. I'm going for total honesty! In every category, nothing will be held back! Again I'm sorry for the way your feeling and I didn't mean to be insensitive.

I totally didn't take it that way.

I hope things work out for you. I know how hard it is starting over. I'm in that exact same boat and it sucks. :hug:

"They say there's a man for every woman, but I suspect there's a woman who's got two."

Mmm...two... ;-)

*growl* it does suck waking up alone every day...

like a Hoover on deep shag.

Mostly because I've been away dealing with CRAP, lol. Anyway, I just wanted to pass along a hug. I was given a virtual hug today and it felt so good knowing how much someone cares. I wake up alone myself and, yes, it does suck. But I would much rather wake-up alone than being so miserable waking up next to someone I totally despise and have lost all respect for because he is a two-faced, hypocritical b*st*rd. I take comfort in knowing that the next time I wake-up next to someone, it will be someone I admire and care for, someone who accepts me for who I am. Hang in there girl, hope to see you again in the near future. I had a blast in Austin! :)

I know I felt better for all the hugs I got yesterday. Here's another one for ya. :hug:

but always remember that tomorrow is going to be a better day and know that if you were able to get your ex you will be able to get another man. Just make sure that you are not just settling for someone to keep you warm at night!

Although I have been single and alone for a few years now...I guess I shouldn't be careful.

Stop trying so hard. I was where you are at now about twelve years ago. Trying hard, wondering why the women I were attracted to weren't attracted to me, and better yet, why I seemed to be catching all of the nutcases. I finally just gave up, said screw it, I'm not going to play the game anymore, besides, it was driving me crazy. If God, Karma, whatever wants me to be with somebody, then they will put that person into my life no matter what I do. I even went to the extent of buying what was essentially a one person house.

Three months later my future wife literally walked through my front door. Good things come to those who don't try too hard. :)

:-)

I have this unhealthy tendency to try to bend the universe to my will and I know I need to let go and try harder to just let the universe move around me. I usually manage that for about 5 minutes before I get all antsy. :)

"Come, my potential SO; You cannot comprehend the power of The Force. Together we can rule the universe as SO and SO." Use your tractor beam, draw them in, and never let them go. The Force gives you power over weak minds. :D

and I'm not opposed to a few minions around the place. But I kinda prefer someone a little more strong minded as a life partner. :)

Quote from "The Dresser":

Who was that?

Oh, just a minion minioning.

:-)

:evilgrin:

what he gave up. ;)