Press Conference Clarifications

Attention Liberals:

President Bush asked me if I'd mind slithering into the dark bleakness that is DU and see if he needed to clarify any of the totally cogent points he made during last night's press conference. He understands that you liberals can be somewhat dense and didn't probably get all the way valid explanations he had.

So with that, ask away liberals, and I will be happy to help you decipher exactly what your President was saying to you last night.

Best Wishes,
Matt

and clarify until it was over, please.

Vote Bush!

Warm Wishes,
Matt

on terrorism, and if I have I can't think of any right now," who was he talking to?

Snigglebottoms. Snigglebottoms is George's best friend. Snigglebottoms never judges him, and is never mean and nasty like those reporters. Snigglebottoms likes to have fun and play. Yes, Snigglebottoms is George's friend.

Regards,
Matt

n/t

He's more of a Sloe Gin man. He'll mix that up with darn near anything, he sure does love his Sloe Gin. I'm not certain on this, but I believe that last night he was mixing it with Cheeze Whiz and barbecue sauce. I'll check with my sources and get back to you.

Best,
Matt

when he refuses to believe that brown-skinned people or muslims are incapable of governing themselves?

that sort of bothered me

See what he was doing there is one of our all time greats. What we'll do is take some view that most of us have, i.e., that white people are the epitome of human civilazation, and spin it to look like we don't really think that way, even though we do. We recognize that it's not really a popular opinion, so it's really sort of hush hush, but we all know that Republicans believe that. Then, in a rhetorical trick, we totally turn it around and project that viewpoint on our opponents. See, we know the view we have is totally wrong, so we'll make it seem like you all are the bad guys for having that view, even though you don't and we do. But in calling attention to the very view that we have, while pretending we don't and acting like it's a view you have, we totally cloak ourselves from criticism for having that view, even though we do have that view, and maybe even get the benefit of making it look like you guys have that view, even though you don't and we do.

I hope that cleared it up.

Kind Regards,
Matt

what exactly did he mean?

George hopes that the American electorate will simply do as it's supposed to do, thus keeping last resorts (like the Iraq war) from having to be employed. He'd really rather prefer to eliminate the need for a bloodbath, but I mean, he can't just sit there and watch some Taxachussets hippie liberal take over!

Goodness!

Warm Wishes,
Matt

will be able to govern themselves?

I mean, it was nice of him to let Colon and Condi play diplomat, but they are nice, non-threatening brown skinned people. This whole Iraq thing is just for their oil anyway.

Oops.

Sincere Regards,
Matt

...in front of the 9/11 Commission, rather than separately as the commission had requested. Bush replied that he and Cheney were appearing before the commission because they were asked to. When the reporter reiterated his original question as to why he and Cheney weren't appearing separately, Bush tersely gave the same answer with slightly different wording.

My question: why do so many Americans still insist that Bush is an honest, moral man who provides strong leaderhsip? :shrug:

It's a majestic visage. And plus that denim shirt makes him look like a man of the people. Hell, who among us don't butcher the language up there sometimes, and ah...you know, have trouble, saying...stuff.

The simple answer to the first part, of course, is that Dick will beat George senseless if he makes booboo to the commission and how would that be good for the country? They can't just let George talk to people without being monitored!

Sincerely,
Matt

...or was that an honest slip of the tongue?

All Bush knows is what he feels like he needs to. He doesn't keep track of all the names of all that stuff. Here's the basic crib sheet he uses:

Colon: Non-threatening black guy. Like talks and stuff
Rummy: Likes to blow shit up. I'm scared of him
Dick: Tells me what to do
Condi: Talks about terrarists. I understand 10% of what she says.
John: My brother in Christ. Looks for connections between the protesters and the Commies.
Karl: Tells me what to say
Michael: The non-threatening black guy's kid. Works with Baba booey or something. Man, I love Howard.

Kind Wishes,
Matt