Sad news about an online friend

I knew this woman through an online support group. What a sad loss for the entire family -- both birth family and adoptive family. Please keep them in your thoughts. The birthmoms in my group are a bit shell-shocked right now.

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2004/4/prweb117838.htm

I am so sorry to hear about this. What a shame :cry: I hope someone is held accountable for this - like the woman who adopted Cindy's daughter and wrote that book. More people should know about this dark side of adoption. Now two more children will grow up without a mother - Cindy's two sons :(

motherless after using and manipulating their mother and not allowing them to see their own sister, that's repuke pro-life "family values" for you!:puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :grr: :grr: :grr: :grr: :argh: :argh: :argh: :argh:

:hug: and I just despise anyone who would manipulate someone else. :cry: This is terrible and I know it happens all too much.

it can be hideous.

Just watched Casa de Los Babies

the horrors of our systems here and abroad are legion.

I am sorry for your loss - more legislatures must look at the long term damage to the psyches of the children as well as the parents before fast tracking a damn thing. The damage is forever.

the winger repukes in charge of most legislatures, the exact opposite will happen. These people are so fucking simplistic when it comes to adoption, it's unbelievable.

how very, very true and I've been saying that for many years now. Everyone thinks it's the perfect solution, rarely thinking about the affects on the birth mother/family, focusing only on the child and the adoptive family.

I remember during my own surprise, unplanned pregnancy, the pressure from the pro-life crowd to go for adoption was relentless, especially since I chose not to have an abortion and to keep my son. They think of it as the perfect panacea, which it most assuredly is not. I simply cannot imagine what it would be like to give up a child for adoption, especially since most of the focus is on the child and the adoptive parents, not the birth mother/parents/family.

How terribly sad for this woman and her family, how she must have suffered not being able to see her daughter after being promised contact, and learning how she was used and swindled out of her own child. And to see that the adoptive mother was even bragging about it! My heart goes out to her family, especially her sons. If I were her family, I'd sue the pants off that bitch and her husband for fraud, intentional infliction of emotional distress, wrongful death, etc., etc.

I'm an adoptee. I have no idea who my genetic donors were, and no real desire to find out. From everything I know, they have their own lives now, and they certainly don't need me -- nearly 30 years later -- parachuting in from nowhere and re-complicating their lives unnecessarily. I'm not "attached" to those people; to me they're just people. I'm attached to the people who were there in the middle of the night when I had whooping cough and was burning up from fever; who attended my high school graduation; who gave me a place to live, *who adopted me,* and whom I call "Mom" and "Dad." *They're* my parents, not those other people...

I think allowing genetic donors to know who has their offspring, *let alone* having access to those offspring is just flat wrong. Genetic donors' having "visitation rights" is like getting divorced and still sleeping together -- it's unhealthy, doesn't allow a sense of finality, and doesn't allow the genetic donor(s) to heal from the experience, and probably hinders the child's ability to bond with his/her parents.

Yes, it's a loss to give up a child. On the other hand, *they* made the choice not to terminate the pregnancy, and the choice to put the child up for adoption, and all the numerous steps towards completing the process. After that process is over, it should be *over* and all the participants should go on with their lives, independently.

Of open adoptions that are honored and do work, the children seem well-adjusted and more at ease with their own adoption issues by being able to have contact with their birthparents.

Sorry, I'm not a 'genetic donor'. I am a parent who did not raise my child. It has been proven that a mother carries her child's genetic material for 40 years, and there is not only an emotional but chemical bond for life. Not to mention carrying and bonding with a child for 9 months, going through labor and childbirth, which a woman NEVER forgets. To trivialize a birthmother's role is cruel and not one of someone who is informed about adoption issues. Just because YOU have no desire for contact does not mean millions of other adoptees do not want and would not benefit from contact.

And the majority of the time, birthmothers were extremely coerced and lied to into surrendering their children -- there was no 'choice' involved. Read my story for just one example. My birthson is one of those 'happy, adjusted adoptees' as you are. I am very glad that his parents raised him well and he seems to have no issues with his adoption. Of course, that might be because I was able to write and tell him exactly why and how his adoption occurred.

http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/2991/marybb.html