If your youngest son says "I just want to kill myself"

and says hes in a lot of pain, and calls u for 4 hours straight crying and freaking out, I would assume you would take that seriously. I did, and I called a crisis line where my son is in Hawaii. I am at my wits end. I want to believe he is being somewhat of a drama queen, but I know hes in a lot of pain and grief and homesick, and even tho his brother is with him, I am afraid for him, because he is alone all day and calls me and vents. I listened to him today for 4 hours venting in pain and anguish, crying a lot, and I didnt know what to do but listen and tell him I loved him. Its bad enough with a kid in Baghdad, but now with my youngest son freaking out, I dont know what to do. I assume calling a Hawaii crisis line and giving them his number was okay. If a kid calls me and says "I just want to go to God" which he said, that scares the shit out of me.
Then he says :Oh mom, I would never commit suicide:
But why does he say that he would?
I know its a cry for help, but I can only listen, I cant be his counselor.

When a child is in trouble, it can be very frightening. Especially if you are far away.
You are right, he needs counseling. How old is he? Is his problem a short-term issue or a more serious problem, such as addition, depression, etc.
I'm hoping good will come of it.

My God, I thought you had enough on your plate!

Yes, you definitely did right calling the crisis center. Someone needs to evaluate how serious these threats are-- he is crying out for help. Make sure someone stays with him and that he gets professional help ASAP. He needs therapy, probably medication, and to be in a safe place if he is really thinking seriously about hurting himself.

good luck. hope everything turns out okay.

really miserable and did at times consider "checking out".

My brother went through a similar thing, and it was more serious with him to the point of taking drugs and becoming a cutter. But we got him into a psych ward and they cleaned him up and got him into NA and AA, and now he has turned his life around so much I almost forget the agony we used to go through with him.

So yea, I would say there isn't much you can do for him beyond listening to him and reassuring him he has something to live for. You have to help him keep his hope.

The hotline idea might help him, but he really needs to go see a doc and get a medical evaluation to be sure he isn't suffering from depression or panic anxiety disorder, or another condition that could be treated with meds and/or counseling.

Also, talking with clergy would be a plan, especially if he is talking about wanting to see God. IF he doesn't have a church of choice, there are some more liberal ones I can recommend and you can contact one of their parishes in his area and see if a pastor can visit him. (Don't send him a fundy one, they'll just tell him God sends suicides to Hell, and believe me that does not help the situation.)

*hugs and prayers*

~Jen, who is feeling your pain as a Mama, Mari!

Im tired and need help. Ill be fine. Theres too much on my plate.

Take care of yourself!

Let us know what we can do to help

*hugs*

You must do whatever it takes to get him through this (and yourself)

As an aunt of a niece who committed suicide I cannot emphasize enough not o leave ANY stone unturned. My niece's parents still (afer 20 years) are second guessing themselves if they took her statements too lightly even tho they got her to a counselor. Sadly, this bozo was not qualified to help her.

There are medicines now that were not available then which might get him through this crisis and help therapy take hold.

All the very best.

so he is keeping an eye on him. If Joey tells me he is "gonna kill myself" then I take it seriously. He says later he didnt mean it, but that to me is a red flag. I asked my oldest son just now if he needed me to come out, he said he would handle it. Its a lot to ask of him, but Ill go right out if I have to. If Joey gets mad because I called the crisis line in Honolulu, tough shit.
You cant call me and tell me "Im gonna kill myself" and then tell me you are joking. I take it seriously.
I am just going to sit tight and wait for calls and see if they are both okay.

floating anxiety. he needs to go to a doctor, get a physical and get treated for depression if that is the diagnosis. Even if it isn't, it could be all his fears are too much. You sound like it too. Get a physical and see about getting help. My father had cancer and I just couldn't face the diagnosis. I got help and got ativan -1 mg-
and it kept me going. Took the edge of the terror off. It saved me. I hope you are all okay. Do what I suggest, honey. It works.

They could both use it. Just to get thru the panic. I hope they take my advice.

And are okay for panick "attacks" but not good for anxiety or depressive D/O. A better solution is a SSRI like paxil or prozac. Your son needs to get psychiatric help, Mari. It sounds like this is simply a cry for help. If he calls with a suicidal plan, you best course of action would be to call 911 locally.

J

I have a good friend on Maui who may be able to help.

Man, I will take all the help I can get. He doesnt know anyone in Hawaii except his brother, and I know he feels terribly alone and afraid.

He has friend in law enforcement who may be able to get your son some help.

I am benburch@xxxxxx

I sent you an email with my oldest sons email addy. He could use some help for himself, and for his brother. I just talked to my oldest son, he said if his brother starts acting out, hes going to call the crisis intervention team asap
I told my oldest son what everyone said on here, about panic and anxiety, and that helped him understand.
Thanks so much so so much

end. I hope you consider the same thing. Nothing is worse, NOTHING!
than the feeling that you can't get on. There are many medications your boy can work with, easier ones like Lorazepam. No prozac. He sounds young. When he's coping better, he can get off it. It's not a life sentence.

He will see, this too shall pass. Can he get into a sport or some
kind of activity there? Exercise helps with depression and anxiety.

Hugs, honey.

The counselor there told me I "did all the right things". I didnt enable, I asked my oldest son if he needed me there, he said not yet.
I need sleep. I get a massage once in a while, dont drink hard likker, take Melatonin to sleep. Drink NO coffee, drink valerian root tea all day, eat mediteranean diet, walk and write my thoughts down in a journal..so far Im doing all the right things, even letting go to some Higher Power mostly...(not very good at that)..
and avoid cable news (!!)
nonetheless, sometimes all that is not enough.
Tonight I just wanted a MOM to tuck me in.
I wish the whole world had moms to tuck us all in and give us some TLC. Wouldnt that be a great world?
oh you made me cry by saying we are family. Im not used to that, thank you so much

I was stationed at that base for 3.5 yrs, the feeling of isolation and being trapped isn't unique, there are ways around it though.

he calls me for hours and tells me hes afraid when his brother is at work. Cries a LOT, sounds like panic attacks ( I know them well) and I help him thru them. Talking to mom helps I guess. He is very shy and not very good at figuring out how to make friends, doesnt know anyone. I remember being 21, and being afraid on my own in Chicago,but I didnt have a mom to call. I cant talk for 4 hours tho sheesh it almost wiped me out today. I didnt sleep , worrying if he was okay.
He even said he might join the Coast Guard and then got mad when I got paranoid about the war. He said "Mom they dont take the Coast Guard to the war in Iraq"
I said hell they take anyone honey
He doesnt believe anything I say..because...tada...Im mom.
I sure hope he doesnt fall into the hands of a recruiter. Been thru enough of that.

(I'm not very familiar with other faiths besides Christianity as far as those which would have a more liberal and tolerant bent to them, sorry :( )

But here are some links to churches and their contact info which should be very understanding and loving (and liberal) if you feel your son needs to talk to someone with experience in spiritual leadership. (I bring this up because you mentioned that he said he wanted to go home to God, so I thought perhaps a person of God might help?)


United Church of Christ contact info:

Pastor(s) FASIA A. MOEONE - P Address 38 KANEOHE BAY DR | KANEOHE, HI 96734-1703
Phone (voice) (808) 680-0233

Pastor(s) SONNY AH TOON - P
Address 47-391 KAPEHE ST | KANEOHE, HI 96744-4818
Phone (voice) (808) 239-7426

Pastor(s) OLIN B. PENDLETON - P
Address 47-004 OKANA PL | KANEOHE, HI 96744-5318
Phone (voice) (808) 533-6498


Presbyterian:
http://home.hawaii.rr.com/ccuhawaii/#Mission%20vision

United Methodist:
http://hawaiipacificmethodists.org/lcdparke.htm

United Methodist: Pastor Rev Robert S Nakata
Street Address 47-253 Waihee Road
Kaneohe, HI 96744
Map is not available.
Mailing Address 47-253 Waihee Rd
Kaneohe, HI 96744-4948
Phone 808 239-9049


Reformed catholic:
http://www.unitedreformcatholicchurch.com/aboutourkahu/


Episcopalian:
45 435 Aumoku St
Kaneohe, HI 96744
U.S.
(808) 247-2733


47 074 Lihikai Dr
Kaneohe, HI 96744
U.S.
(808) 239-7198

thank you so very very very very much thank you so much.

You are so very welcome!

He can research the different denominations from the links on my website if he feels uncomfy calling these pastors out of the blue. It might help give him an idea of what to expect from them, at least for the ones who didn't have homepages for their local parishes.


http://www.geocities.com/greenpartyvoter/liberalchristians.htm

I'll be keeping you all in my prayers!

~Jen

Does he have any close friends? Close friends listen to each other and offer advice. Just as counselors do, except friendship is free and stronger. This is another reason why I despise counselors to Hell and back. They're faux friends who cost a great deal of money and you get nothing of lasting substance in return. They're another aspect of the depravity of the society we live in, not to mention a specific parallel between them and another profession...

I won't tell you my experiences I've had with counselors, but they are an option for the interim... Close bonds with people is what everybody needs.

He's definitely crying for help. Of that I am certain. I believe you did the right thing in calling that crisis line and giving them your number. You're clearly doing your best and, with luck, that crisis center will actually respond...

seriously. It is serious. It is not someone feeling sorry for himself. He should be proud to have a mom like you. Do ANYTHING you must to save him from himself. WHATEVER must be done.

A story:

When my younger brother was 14, he had just come out. I am sure that was a difficult thing. My mom's response was to get him a subscription to Playboy. I am sure she meant well and didn't know what to do.

Later that year, my mom, my brother and I were in the kitchen. He was sitting on the counter and talking about suicide. He talked about how he dreamt of strapping dynamite to himself and blowing himself up (this was in 1978 LONG before we had heard of suicide bombers doing just that).

My mom told him she loved him and all that. She then dismissed it as a "phase" and a feeling he would "outgrow." She did not seek help for him. We were working class and she may not have considered psychiatric help, I don't know. I was not even 18 months older than my brother

He shot himself in his chest during a 1993 suicide attempt. He was in the psych ward for 30 days. Got out. Didn't take his meds. Continued self medicating using alcohol. Did not get on going psychotherapy. Would attempt to see a professional but when it came to the tough stuff, he became scared and would stop treatment.

It is tough confronting one's demons.

Fast forward to July 2001: On July 17, 2001 his supervisor was concerned that he had not shown up at work (he started work at 5AM and it was not like him not to call in if he was not going to be in). At 10AM the supervisor gets ahold of the building management for my bro's apartment building (which was not even a block from the hospital where he worked). The supervisor and the police enter my brother's apartment to find my brother "asleep" in his bed.

My brother was dead at 36 of an overdose of elavil.

As I type this I am near tears. I miss him more and more each year. I miss the relationship we could have had and were working toward during his last few months on earth. My prayer is that IF there is something after this life, he has found the peace and happiness he felt eluded him in this life.

I hope you don't mind me sharing my story. I do it not to garner sympathy but in the SINCERE hope that others may learn from it. Suicide is NOT painless, especially for those left behind.

but you are so right to say that we should take these types of conversations seriously. I could have easily lost my own brother to suicide and did lose an uncle to it. Better to err on the side of caution in these cases. Always.