Theory vs. Reality (Joke Tyme... Feel free to add your own)

Little Bllly came home from school one day and asked his father, "Dad, we're doing vocabulary, and I can't understand the the difference between 'theory' and 'reality'. Can you help me?"
His father said, "Sure, son. Tell you what; go ask your mother if she would sleep with George Bush for $500,000."
"Why, Dad?" The perplexed Billy puzzled.
"Just do it," If dad insisted.
Billy ran out of the room and came back a minute later. "Mommy says she'd do it, but I... I don't understand."
"All right, Son," Billy's dad continued. "Now go ask your sister the same thing."
"Okay, Dad, " Billy nodded, "Only, how is--"
"Trust me," Billy's dad assured him with a wink and a smile.
So the boy ran off again and came back moments later. "Sissy said she do it too. But, Pop. I still don't know why--"
"Now listen to me, Billy," his father leaning over him as he explained. "In theory... we have a million dollars, but in reality... we're living with two Republican whores"

Old, widowed Mrs. Green is sitting on her porch with her favorite tomcat Spunky, on a quiet Saturday night. She is meticulously cleaning a brass hurricane lamp she had neglected through the years, rubbing the base and globe, when all of a sudden a genie rises in a pale smoke from the glass chimney.

" I am at your command to grant you 3 wishes, madam" says the genie, to which she replies, " First, I would like to be 21 years old again, and beautiful....."
<poof> immediately she is young, ravishing and healthy....

"Next I would like a millon dollars and my house to be a mansion" and <shazzam> she finds herself on the veranda of an opulant mansion, dressed in exquisite finery, bejeweled and radiating wealth and comfort....

"Your final wish Madam" inquires the genie.....and she replies, " I would like you to turn my Spunky here into a handsome young man in mad, foolish love with me" and <alakaZam> she finds herself embraced in a passionate kiss with a gorgeous, strapping, youthful hunk of a male on her front porch.

After several minutes of deep, soulful and wet-hot kissing and tender groping, they part for a breath....panting, staring deeply into each other's eyes....


"Now don't you regret" purrs Spunky,
" getting me fixed?"


badaboom,
dp