Feline Butterology Theory

Just think: When you drop a cat from a few feet, it lands upright.
Also think: When you drop a piece of buttered bread, it lands with
the buttered side down
Now think: If you strapped a piece of buttered bread to the back of a cat, which would land first.


First, the source of the forces must be understood. The force acting on the bread is not the butter, as some may think. Without the bread, butter wouldn't land bread side up, and therefore the force could not possibly be in the butter. We know the force is not the bread because it has been experimentally proven that bread does not land any particular side down without butter. The bread/butter force is caused by the fusing of bread and butter particles together. This fusion causes energy to be released in the form of shifting gravity and anti-gravity energy to opposite sides of the bread/butter continuum. The gravity energy naturally shifts to the butter since it is denser then the bread, while the anti-gravity energy shifts to the bread side.

The energy in a cat for landing on its feet comes from the feet themselves. This has been proven experimentally. Cats without feet have a near zero success rate of landing on their feet. We will call this energy cat foot energy.

Considering the equal but opposing bread/butter and cat foot forces one would expect the cat to spin violently about its axis. However the strength of these forces must be considered. A regular cat is not structurally stable enough to withstand the torque the spinning causes. I should not have to describe the way the cat's limbs give way, the way the legs wrench around until the feet are on the same side of the cat as the butter. And thus the cat can then land on its feet, butter side down.

We are now researching the possibility of using structurally reinforced cats for levitation systems, but so far the cost is too high to be practical. Several attempts at producing economically viable systems were made by separating the feet so that the instability of the cat would not be a factor. At first there was dificulty because there was no cat to tie the bread to. Later it was discovered that when not attached to a cat the feet lost their cat foot force over time. It is hypothesized that the feet need to be living to exert the cat foot force, and so far no practical method has been found for keeping the feet alive other than a cat.

Attempts are also being made to breed flat cats with no legs (only feet).

There are many other problems related with this method of levitation as you may well imagine, but they are beyond the scope of this discussion.

Institute for Alternative Energy Research
* No cats were harmed in the development of this research*