I had my cat put to sleep today...

My 12 year old cat, Otto, started having some behavioral problems about 6-9 months ago. His actions were irratic (yes, I know, he was a cat) and he started exhibiting some odd changes in his routines. Otto started acting as if he didn't recognize me, acting aggressively toward our other animals, and getting onto the kitchen counters even after being fed. On several occasions, he'd hiss at me when I tried to pet him. Two visits to different veterinarians had the same answer, either age onset dementia or some sort of disorder of his brain (i.e. lesion, tumor, etc). No indicator in blood or other tests and limited options for treatment that didn't involve trips to Vanderbilt's veterinary medicine school for diagnostics.

Otto was a shelter adoption who'd been found as a feral kitten with his mom. Twelve years ago, I adopted him and took him as my own. Otto was my cat, mostly in name, because despite being inside a home he always retained his feral nature. Unfortunately, this translated into fearful behavior as he spent much of his life under some manner of furniture. During the Christmas season of 1992, Otto became "The Kitten who Ruined Christmas" due to a mishap I was never able to explain. We were coming home from grocery shopping and had planned our meager Christmas budget of about $100 to spend on our family. Uncharacteristically, Otto hopped into my lap as soon as I sat down and was very vocal. I looked at his tail and it was bent at an odd angle with an open fracture. We took him to the emergency vet and the options were cut it for $40 or save it for $85. I opted to save it for him. I never found any indication of how he hurt himself.

Otto, for all his fearfulness, took to me on his own terms. He would come to me at night and sleep on my chest or my hip. That was it, that was his expression of trust and affection because he usually removed himself from view during the day. The only two other people he ever tolerated were a couple of friends and even then, it was limited to nuzzling them.

Moving was hell on the poor guy as he was always traumatized by any change in environment. During our most recent move, he nearly tore his claws out on the pet carrier. I did all I could to make my guy as happy and well adjusted as he would let me. As I said, he never lost his feral nature. As I explained before, his behavior became so erratic that he wouldn't recognize me at times. He started sleeping about 18-20 hours per day and showed no interest in any play. Otto would drink from the sink or even dishwater even when he had fresh water out in his bowl.

Otto's loves. Well, that was pretty much food. As a kitten, he'd steal any leftover pizza crusts, Italian, or of course, meat, that was left out. Once, my brother in law cooked canned chili and left half of it out in the pan. Otto, the poor guy, got into it and left some horrible monstrosities in his box. During a cookout, he stole a burger and clawed my wife in self defense when she tried to take it. Again, he had some feral left in him. Once, when I had some erratic snoring, he went and led my wife to me because he was worried. When we rented a house, he was an indoor/outdoor cat and I heard him behind a toolshed growling. I went back to discover he had a five foot long rat snake at bay.

When his mind was appearing to go, I asked his two vets and a vet acquaintance about options. Since there was no organic manifestation of a physical illness, the conjectures were a brain tumor, lesion, or possibly a type of dementia in felines that's akin to Alzheimer's in humans. My options were to deal with it, sedate him for the rest of his life, or let him go. It hurt like hell, but to me, I was more interested in the quality of his life than the quantity. To keep Otto with me while he was loosing his mind and living in fear would've been purely selfish. He had good days and bad, but the bad ones involved him hiding in fear because Otto couldn't recognize us or his home.

Today, I gave him a sedative before taking him to the vet. He'd eaten his favorite, canned tuna, and sat contentedly in my lap as we were on our deck. He purred and nuzzled me, acting like his old self for a while. After he calmed down, I took him to the vet and he was given the injection. Otto calmly left our world. I took him home, wrapped him in a cotton sheet, and buried him on a wooded hill near our apartment. I placed coins over his eyes and said some prayers from "The Egyptian Book of the Dead" committing him back to Bast and hoping he makes it well to the Western Lands. He was my cat and companion for 12 years. I loved him and now, there's a void in my soul where he used to be. I miss him now and I'm certain I always will. Rest in peace and remember, I'll always love you buddy.

:hug:

We had to do the same with a dog and a cat here this last month.

sound's like you guy's had and interesting time. Otto had a good life and home to live in.

Had a Scottish terrier that I was showing. As a puppy he starting winning and getting points. After he was a year old he started having severe skin infections. Had him tested and he was allergic to 13 different things. The vet gave him allergy shots and skin treatment for almost 6 months. He kept getting worse. Nothing we did helped. Had to have him put down. Ever see a grown man cry.

Several years ago I lost my black cat similar to yours due to a parasite that lived in the spleen. Treated him several years. During the last treatment, they tried to remove the spleen to see if that would help, he didn't make it through the surgery.

Everyone told me it would get better with time. I found that hard to accept but those folks were right, the pain will eventually go away.

Sorry for your loss.

when my kitties get to be 15 or older, I have a much less hard time letting them go

now I am crying (!)

you were a great cat-daddy.

I, too, had a "problem" cat that I adored, no matter how hard he made it to love him. Same as yours - was a stray, and even though I adopted him at 8 months, he never got over it. Most people never understood why I loved him, but he had many, many moments of snuzzling me and being my little bud, though he was often just a little shit.

Anyway, he was very, very lucky to have found you. You did the right thing.

He never got over it. At best, he was affectionate on his own terms, usually well after dark when the rest of the house was asleep. One night this past winter, my little chihuhua was asleep on my lap under a blanket. Otto wanted in on the action, so he hopped up and sidled in next to the dog on top of the blanket. She got angry until she realized that he was a 13 lb. heating pad.

That's a real downer :(

to be loved so much and so well. It was a kinder end you chose for him than most of us will ever know. You have my heartfelt sympathy.

Lived a good life. Sorry about your loss.

-- Allen

I'm sure there is a special section reserved by the rainbow bridge for those animals that loved (and were loved by) someone at DU. I know when it is my time to cross, I'll be looking for my dog JJ. I'm sure he is waiting in the DU section....the one with all the happy pets holding love,peace and welcome signs.

That was something that turned me against Christianity in my childhood. I asked a sunday school teacher at the Baptist church I was forced to attend if animals were there for us after death. In a somewhat prissy manner, she said no because all we need is God. It amazes me that some people only see animals as little meat-machines rather than sentient beings in their own respect. If there aren't animals around, count me out.

And to lose your cat or dog is like losing a family member.

My sincere condolences.

Terry

I cuddled my cat until she went to sleep and kept on.

You showed your true love by letting go.

He was a pretty cat. I know it hurts. :hug:

Anytime somebody takes in a feral cat, you have done the cat a huge favor. Know that you've done right by this cat, then and now. It's a hard choice, but you've done the right thing here.

Sorry for your loss.

As long as you had him, he was never hungry, never abandoned, never afraid he would starve tomorrow. He always had someone to trust, even if he couldn't always show it.

There will never be another Otto. Never. But there is another cat who needs a home. You have an opening.

You won't forget Otto and you won't replace him. But there is someone entirely new for you to learn now.

yourself love him and care for him.

They live forever in our memories. I still have delightful memories of my cat Sam, my best friend as a kid. Sam died in 1967 but will never be forgotten. Otto still lives within you.

Peace

Thank you for sharing your friend with us.

Grieve not,
nor think of me with tears
But laugh
and talk to me as if I were beside you.
I loved you so . . .
'Twas Heaven here with you


-- Isla Paschal Richardson

He knew. May you be blessed with sweet memories to ease your grief. I'm sorry.

I couldn't stop crying as I read your post. It is one of the worse things in life to lose a good friend and no words can ever be said that can help with the pain. When I saw the picture I started crying again, because he looks so much like my AmyStrange whom I take my user name from and please know that there is someone out here in Seattle that is just like your Otto in so many ways and I pray to the Goddess I can have the same strength of character that you showed:

http://www.OneMissingPerson.org/AmyStrange.html

d

(edited to make grammatic sense)

Otto was a very distinguished cat, I must say. I know how hard this is - we had to put Chester to sleep back in January, and I still cry when I think of it. I too have found the Book of the Dead to be of comfort to me. It sounds like you had a lovely ceremony for your buddy.

I know you know you did the right thing here, but let me reiterate it.:hug:

sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved cat. he looks beautiful.

words alone can not describe the feeling of loss one has for these creatures we share or lives with.

i just hope that in reflection you feel good that you treated him when he was alive as you now wish you had.

today i had to take my dog Aja to the vet. late last night she came up lame having ruptured her ACL playing with the other dogs and it is costing me a bundle (>$1200) for the surgery.

the vet gave me two choices, put her down or spend the money. but to me there really was only one choice. Aja's loyalty towards me over the years demands that even if i dont eat for a few months, she gets the medical attention she needs.

tonight, i feel for you and otto.

and my own Aja.

I am so attached to all of my rescued animals that I think they have actually rescued me.
I wish comfort and peace in your unexpected solitude by the loss of your friend. I know the feeling too well. Many blessings.

This is my chihuahua.


We got Phee and her brother in December of 2002. My wife and I had purchased a chihuahua in that September. We found out that she'd come from a puppy mill and was terribly underweight for her stated age. After taking her to Banfield Animal clinic, the vet-in-a-box attached to Petsmart, she died after a week of expensive, wrong-headed, and ultimately futile treatment. When my wife saw Phee and her brother, I only wanted the boy as Phee reminded me of the pup that had died. I was so wrong, because she loves me much. She got on very well with Otto until he started losing his faculties. Otto was had a tolerant disregard for the dogs and often, he would be perplexed as to their interest in such treats as crackers.

On edit: This picture was during her recovery from surgery. Phee had luxating patella, so she had to have her right back knee rebuilt. We call her The Bionic Chi now, or more appropriately, "The $600 Chi" after the old TV show.

You might want to print out a copy of this memorial to him and keep it handy in times when you think of him. I've done that for my lost ones in the past, and even for the two I lost last year. I'm going to lose my baby girl soon, too, but I'm hoping she will pull through for a little while longer.

It's tough to lose your "kid" because a lot of people don't understand and will never understand what it's like......they're our children, as much as any flesh and blood ever could be, and we will grieve for them as surely as we wake each day and contemplate our own existence.

You did the right thing. When their quality of life is diminished, the most supreme act of love we can give them is to let them go peacefully.

We can only hope to gain our own inner respect when we are able to feel the pain and loss of our dearest companions.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Well, I got through the first night OK. This morning, I evaluated my time away from home for the past 12 years and I doubt that I was away from him for over a month total.

You did good for Otto....

:cry: :hug: :cry:

DemEx

When I put my dog to sleep it hurt like hell. I know the pain to think about their being gone.

I'm really sorry. Your post was very moving.

I rescued her from outdoors. A neighbor had abandoned her because she apparently got away when this woman, who had many cats, moved. How I wish she had told me, since she was too long on her own and also reverted to feral behavior. I had to use a have-a-heart trap to bring her in. I read articles and consulted my vet, trying to find a way to socialize her. She improved greatly after having dental work. She must have been very uncomfortable, and I wish so much that I had done this immediately. But then a growth that she had in her ear when I first rescued her began to grow and I had to bring her to the vet regularly to get it treated. I lost her on February 10th, and miss her terribly. So my heart goes out to you and you know that I truly understand what you are going through. I am just so sorry for you and Otto. He was so lucky to have found a friend like you.;(

Catlin

Farewell and godspeed, Otto. May you run free at the Rainbow Bridge and be there to greet the humans who loved you and gave you a wonderful life...

:cry: :hug:

You are a hero to cats. Don't ever forget that. Now save another kitten from a shelter, and carry on your tradition, when you feel ready.

:cry: I'm sorry for your loss.:hug:

The day this happens to me with my baby girl (who also sleeps on my chest) will absolutely kill me.

You have my deepest sympathies. The only comfort is knowing what a great life Otto had with you and the wonderful turn of fate that you found each other.

What a conundrum - they bring us so much love for so few yrs and so much pain when they leave. I wouldn't give up a precious moment of it.

:grouphug:

Sorry for your loss. :hug:

I still miss my little guy, and he's been gone five years.

It's hard to lose a cat... What a great story, though.

Otto looks like my Nero, another rescue cat, only one who went the other way and is now so hyperaffectionate I practically have to carry him around in my pocket, except he's *much* too big for even my pockets.

--snif--

:hug:

your story also brought me to tears and my heart goes out to you and your family. I'm glad you have that precious little critter that you're holding in your picture to make things a little less difficult. When I read stories like yours on DU - they always remind me to pay just a little more attention to my furry girl (calico kitty-Jewels Tyler), love her a little more, and even make sure she gets her special treats. I think it's a reminder that we all must really treasure the time we have with our precious fur babies. There's a wonderful website called rainbowsbirdge.com that is a place people can pay tribute to their critters that have passed. You may want to check it out... but let me warn you...it's heart wrenching. peace....

This is an incredibly strong bond for many of us, and it can be soul-wrenching when it comes time to say goodbye.

Thank you for giving Otto a loving home, and for helping him out when he needed you most.

Best to you --

animals are wonderful, it's so hard to lose them. :hug:

we get years of joy and love at the cost of days of pain.

Life would be simpler if the little buggers didn't crawl around our hearts, entangling themselves with us.

Life would also be much more sterile.

My heart goes out to you.

:hug:

is always a painful and difficult experience. You did the right thing, and someday Otto will be able to thank you for your love and kindness.

MrsMatt