Republican Convention program

OFFICIAL 2004
Republican CONVENTION PROGRAM SCHEDULE

6:00pm - Opening flag wrapping ceremony.
6:30pm - Ahnold Scharzenegger marshalls Hummer parade thru convention center
6:40pm – Ollie North terrorist appeasement workshop: how to trade arms for hostages
7:00pm – FoxNews generals propose invading France.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for Rush Limbaugh defense fund.
7:20pm – Osama video thanks Bush for flying bin Laden family out after 9/11
7:25pm - War declared on evolution
7:30pm – Troop tribute: Anne Coulter spits on a vet, says he was lucky to get a Purple Heart
7:40pm – John Ashcroft parades Tommy Chong in shackles across podium
7:45pm – Video highlights of Bush carrier landing. Mission Accomplished.
7:50pm – Ken Lay proposal to ban all bicycles and public transportation
7:55pm – Dick Cheney video conference from undisclosed location
8:00pm – Senator Frist workshop: how stray cats are important to medical research
8:25pm – Bill Bennett gives blackjack lesson
8:30pm – Tribute to Halliburton.
9:00pm - Gay bashing ceremony

9:30pm - * Intermission *

10:00pm – Ceremonial outing of a CIA agent
10:15pm – Video highlights of Bush on 9/11 where Andrew Card says “Mr. President, America is under attack”
10:25pm – Video gets to where Bush finally puts down children’s book
10:35pm - Video shows Andrew Card fabricating a threat to Air Force One
10:40pm – Video concludes w/ Bush hiding for remainder of 9/11 (with steely resolve)
10:50pm - Corporate Welfare workshop
11:00pm – Pledge of allegiance to OPEC
11:01pm – attendees look under their chairs. No WMD found. Everyone has big laugh.
11:15pm – Laura Bush finally speaks for MADD: "Do as I say, not as I did."
11:20pm – Pro-war rally. Any war. All wars. Wars are great!
11:30pm – War declared on illiteracy: deport them. And public school teachers.
11:59pm – Katherine Harris workshop on how to rig a Diebold voting machine
12:00am - Nomination of Republican candidate

Very funny. :-)

I glad they cut the Rick Santorum speech on preserving the sanctity of marriage by making gay marriage illegal...and its links to man/dog sex. :-)

Terry