No more, no more!!!!

I at least have a part time job for now. But this has been ridiculous. I went through college. I was really pushing to get through so I could depend on myself. Support myself. Because I felt like such a fucking heel getting supported by my parents. I tried to make this happen. I was desparate to make it happen. I went through a teaching program that left me up a creek without a paddle at the 11th hour because they said that I wasn't ready. I went looking for an alternative job that a Math degree would help me get, but I graduated college at the worst time. I couldn't even find a job that I didn't want. It got so fucking discouraging. It is ridiculous. So I had to move back home with my parents. No real options in life. I have been trying to go back to school and have taken classes, trying to get into grad school. But then last month my car breaks down. I had to get the money from my father to pay for a new starter tonight. I soon have to replace the water pump. I know that things are never a straight road but for fuck sakes. As horrible as what I went through with student teaching would have been at any given time, at least I would have at least been able to find something worthwhile.

I know that I have been going on a depressive spell. But this is an angry rant. 2003 was a year that many of my nightmares came true. Unfortunately it is still carrying over. I had to deal with a lecture from my dad about how he cannot deal with this. And of course my christian friends would say it is all part of God's plan. but for fuck sakes. I am sick of this. I need something to work for me soon. We want our country back and I want my life back. I don't want to teach again but I want to go on a good path and I want to get to a point where I can deal with this shit on my own. I want to be able to take care of car problems and I want to be on my own. I tried once and got derailed and could not even find a job. I know that I am ranting and raving about the hoplessness of life but I always felt guilty about depending on my parents since high shcool and one of the reasons I worked so hard during college is so I would not have to do that after it was over. THen, due to some petty evil people and bad circumstances, I am back to square one. This is bullshit!!!!!!!

Why don't you get on a greyhound and just relocate? The first time you started a thread like this - many many people, including myself, offered you words of encouragement. Now I'm going to offer you another suggestion, grow some balls.

Have you ever been to another country and seen people with real problems? Not problems like "I didn't get a teaching job", but problems like "My crops havent grown in the soil, how will I feed my family?"

You need to A)suck it up B)grow some balls and C) get some perspective.

This is a problem all graduates into this shitty economy are dealing with, so take a number.

...I am just trying to blow off steam. This is a way for me to do that. I am not oblivious to the problems of the world. Especially not in the middle east or even in America. I know that people have problems. I had just had an argument with my father. I needed to let off steam. If you don't like it, I am not forcing you to read this thread. It is a way for me to deal with stress. You don't have to dignify it with a response if you do not want to. I know people have major problems. I feel for them. I hope beyond hope that they could solve their problems. As well as me solving mine.


Furthermore, you do not know what I went through with teaching. What I went through was very painful and very personal for me. This was not just about not getting the job. If you had gone through what I went through then maybe you would understand what that is about. My friends and family understand at least a little how bad it was. I am not stacking this up against other people's problems, especially people who are worried about feeding their families. I was frustrated and I was venting. If people don't want to deal with it, then they do not have to read this post.

believe me i`ve been where you are about three times so far in my life..i`ve even lived with my parents when i was 30+with my wife and two kids..so don`t feel bad ,hell i had a good job and had a heart attack and now i`m making 7.20 an hr..i`m 57 yrs old....

Maybe you're supposed to? I feel your pain. Give it a little more time. I'm 40 now and things have ALWAYS worked themselves out. Reach out to someone you know who is supportive. There HAS to be someone like that in your life. I'm not in the exact same predicament right now but I am feeling the same way you're feeling. My spouse is out of work, 56 years old. The workforce development or unemployment office wants him and the others who've lost their jobs to overseas facilities to attend job training and go to school and get some type of degree. Well, that's fine and dandy but when you are 56 and then attend 2-4 years of schooling, you will be around 60 and fresh out of college with no experience and almost ready for retirement!!! Now tell me who would want to hire someone who is about ready to retire when they can hire someone younger and get more working years out of them????? Doesn't make sense to me. My spouse has had only 2 jobs in his life since getting out of Vietnam and both of the businesses closed down. First job was 23 years, second was 9 years. Sorry....I don't mean to take away from your rant. It just got me started about how cruel life can be to us. Now he is working a temp job and they keep calling him to work so he can't easily go out and search for a REAL job while he's trying to get his foot in the door at this temp job. All the while, he's making too much money from the temp job to qualify for any unemployment but yet $5/hr less than what he was making at the job he lost through the closing. Ok I'll stop!!!

Tell me why don't you want to teach?

...I went through a teaching program. I cared a lot about it. I invested myself in it so thoroughly for years. I made it all the way to Student teaching. After being there two weeks, the teachers and the university had me pulled because they did not think I was ready. This was the reason they gave me. But they could never articulate why and they even admitted it. I am still not sure why what happened happened. They tiptoed around me and lied. These were people that I was supposed to trust and were supposed to be on my side. My aunt, who is a teacher, hypothesized that it was politics because I made some kid mad. That was her theory. But my whole point is, that I wanted to do this. I wanted to help people. In return, I was treated like what I wanted, the hard work I have put in, being a good person, and my life and what happened to me did not matter. I know that this is one of life's hard lessons, but in this instance, I felt that I had been slapped in the face pretty hard by it. You know that these things are supposed to be hard, but you never think anything like that could ever happen, period. This was on just another level of disturbing, unusual and bad.

And I may sound bad when I say this, but I hope that all the people that had a hand in doing that to me pay dearly somehow. It would not be by my hands unless I could by some off chance score a successful lawsuit against them. I know that wouldn't work. But if there is such a thing as karma, then I hope their day comes and they don't know what hit them. If this sounds evil, please forgive me.

Be glad you're young and only responsible to yourself. Many people here far older are finding themselves in similar shoes after years of hard work or may end up there soon due to other factors.
Truly, I hope things work out the way you want, but it is good you have a family who's both nearby and there for you. Not everyone has that luxury.