I have a high school reunion next month and I'm nervous

I will be going back to my hometown next month for my 10 year high school reunion. I'm not sure why, but I am nervous. In high school I was more respected than liked. I was not made fun of very often and I had friends, but I never had a girlfriend and was not considered "popular". I was respected for being smart and being very involved in extracurricular activities, including student government.

I am concerned that because of this many people will have high expectations of me that I have not met. I know for a fact that there will be many people there who will be well on their way to the Stepford Life of trophy wives, nice cars, big corporate jobs and maybe even nice houses. That's fine if that's what they wanted out of life, but I did not go down that route. I have little to be ashamed of: I am a year away from my PhD and I am currently a university instructor, though I don't make a lot of money and I am still single (I am not happy about that last one). I shouldn't let these things bother me, but I am afraid that once I get into that hotel ballroom and start hearing about how successful everyone else is I will feel ashamed of where I am in life.

Any advice from those of you have attended high school reunions in the past, or anyone else would be appreciated.

although there was a lot of comparison, it's hard to avoid.

That kind of stuff is less and less important down the road. The guy who had made his first million at my #10 was in the dumpster by #20 and too embarrassed to show. Funny how those things change.

What doesn't change are the people. They look different of course but I felt like I was picking up conversations I had left off 10 years earlier.

Going to #30 next year...my how time flies.

Re: still being single--you're going to be amazed how many people have already been through a marriage (or two). That put a little perspective on it for me.

Don't worry about all that. No one is probaly going to care after 10 years, I don't know first hand but Im sure everyone changes over that period of time. I mean your well off, one year from getting a PhD. I really don't know what to say other then don't let those things bother you. They are very miniscule problems compared to the other problems out there. But understand Im not bashing you, just my advice. Im sure you will get over these problems, they are not big problems really. :thumbsup: Good luck and I hope you have a good time with some old friends if they show up.

It doesn't matter.

I was pregnant and tee-totaling it, hubby wasn't (let's just say bad combo). Overall, it was basically dull and rather non-eventful. I have a 15 next year (feelin' old) and I don't know if I'll go or not. I'm not as frumpy and pregnant like I was before, so maybe I'd just got to be cute, but probably not. Boring then, boring now.

I didn't go to any of my HS reunions.

You're a year away from a PhD and you're embarrassed? You say you were respected for being smart. A path to a PhD would be considered continuing down the "smart" path I would think. Sound like you'd be about where your peers would expect you to be.

Think about what your goals in life are, and how to express them in a concise way; then if any one is rude enough to try to denigrate you, you have your response already in mind.

You might also contemplate one of those icy, dismissive retorts that put a mouthy rude person in theretheir place, just in case you need it.

Mostly, go! :bounce:
Have fun! :party:

Who knows, maybe you'll run into someone you had a crush or strong fondenss for in HS, and that person will be available and charmed by you. :D

you're doing pretty damn good.

I've been out of High School for 17 years, and still live in an apartment (in San Francisco - so it costs what a nice house would in my hometown) have two kids and an okay-looking wife (although she looks better than me!) I only got a bachelor's degree in Copywriting ffrom an advertising college, and now I'm a b-rate Japanese translator.

I'm not exactly ashamed - I was very unmotivated in my youth, but now it's difficult to do much more with 2 kids and a demanding work schedule.

I always feel embarrassed around folks with great degrees, since I know I could have done it myseelf, had I applied myself.

Now you've got me depressed! If they have a 20th reunion at my HS, I'm gonna lie my ass off!

(was in the military)

and had the 35-year a couple of years ago.

Perhaps its long enough to have a different perspective but I havent really changed the attitude through the years.

Dont compare yourself to others. Life is not a contest. (Well, I guess it is for some people). If you're pursuing what satisfies you that is enough.

You dont have to justify or explain your choices to anyone. If your path is not good enough for them or their expectations, that THEIR problem, not yours.

Be glad to see old friends who will appreciate your success and dont waste time with people who are into promoting themselves and making you feel otherwise.

Had not seen any of those people since graduation. All of the women (we really were girls back in h.s.) looked just like the middle-aged version of their younger selves. None of they guys were recognizable to me. It was weird.

"Sleepless Summer" rally in Milwaukee instead.

It wasn't so much that I didn't want to go -- it's that I didn't want to go enough to spend the $75 per person for a three-hour cocktail reception (no discount for non-alumni guests, who don't need the packet with the souvenirs) 30 miles from my actual high school (I went to school in the suburbs; the reception was at a trendy bar in Chicago). Plus hotel ($150/night was the group rate), plus parking ($30), plus tolls (okay, negligible), plus cabs (because, of course, the hotel with the group rate was not within an easy walk of the reception site), plus meals. It probably would have cost us $500 for a 36-hour trip, and there were maybe 5 people from my graduating class that I'm not already in touch with who I'd be at all interested in seeing again. And there's no guarantee they'd be there, either.

But where you are in life is probably better than where 95% of your fellow graduates are. If you want to go, go. I'll probably go to my 20, since it's sponsored and planned by the school, and will likely cost a whole lot less. (Or, at the very least, will be in the suburbs where hotels are way cheaper, or I can stay with my parents.)

I went to my five-year reunion, and never went to another.

This year is my 30-year reunion. Once again, I'm not going.

I already see the two or three people from my high school that I want to see, and have faith that I'll cross paths with the others I'm meant to see.

High school seems like an arbitrary assignment of school district boundary lines, and hardly worth celebrating. If my family had lived two blocks over on our street, I would have gone to a different high school 20 miles away.

Why put yourself through that? Spend that day with people you know and love. People who support one another's accomplishments.

I skipped mine. I didn't pretend to like 95% of those people, then, why should I do it now?

I think that the 10th is probably the most difficult because many people are so impressed with themselves. Here's the thing: life has a way of evening things up over time. By the 15th and the 20th reality has set in for the cocky ones and for the steady ones, things are going well. By the 30th, there is death and sickness and reversal of fortune. By the 40th, well, we all felt lucky to be there!

Go to the reunion and seek out old friends and people that you were comfortable with. Ask alot of questions about their lives and don't be ashamed of yours...getting a PHD and teaching is no small feat! Have fun and if you find that you are not enjoying yourself, leave. :-)

...and have a 35 coming up. Didn't care much for anyone in my old HS. Going to my wifes with her next year though.

Other people may look successful on the outside but you aren't privy to what their lives are like on the inside. To some of those people who have the trophy wives, nice cars, corporate jobs and nice houses, you'll look like you're living the dream they wanted to live. They'll be jealous of your outside appearance because their inside is so screwed up.

and have a good time. (my 35th reunion will be next year)

I attended the ten year reunion and still remember a conversation I had with one of the star football players. He asked me why everyone was staring at him and I bluntly said, "Because some of us don't look the same as we used to and people are trying to figure out if they know you!"

My grad class had 650 people in it. People I hardly knew came up to me acting as if we were best friends.

Be proud of who you are and be honest. Then you can laugh at those who are trying so hard to make an impression.

Then I reluctantly went to my 30th last year and had a great time. Time is a great leveller. The kids that were assholes in H.S were still assholes at the 20th. But at the 30th, they finally matured. I won't miss another on e. I do regret not going to my 10th--I think I could have had a lot of fun with the girls I was too shy to talk to in High School. I'd go, and if you don't like it, skip the next one.

Because if you do, you'll always come up short.

An unsolicited opinion from kmla -

If you wanna go to see old friends, reminisce about some old times, and generally see how everyone is doing, I would recommend going. I have attended all of mine (last one was the 20 year, a few yrs ago), and had a good time. There is always someone there who makes more money, and has aged a little better, but what the hell - I am happy that I am not the one who has put on the most weight or lost the most hair.

And I must admit, I secretly enjoy seeing a few of the "cool" people, (who were snotty assholes during school) worry about the second or third wife, and talk about children who are not so well behaved. Or the snobby beauty queen who hasn't aged well, due to a few too many trips to the tanning booth during the '80's and 90's. (skin like leather). But I only enjoy it a little bit.:)

Damn - you are a year from your Ph.D. You will soon achieve something that no one else in your class probably every will. And you're not even 30. You should walk in with your head held high!

Best wishes. And thanks for reading my post

You've lived the life you want to live. You're more accomplished at 28 than I was. I think you've got a lot to be proud of. Don't focus on the money you make, focus on your satisfaction professionally and academically. As for the single part, I have no answers for ya. :-)

I was in the same position as you, one year away from a Ph.D., never popular in high school, scared that I would be seen as a "failure."

Come to find out that the people who were so mean in high school were not stunning successes--they were still living in our trashy little suburb, doing routine jobs, married to people just like themselves. One had managed to be married three times by age 28, which is not a definition of success in my book, unless "success" includes seeing how many husbands you can run through in a decade.

Here I was, earning a Ph.D. at an Ivy League university, fresh back from a year in Japan, happy in my genteel poverty with terrific friends, and I realized that I wouldn't trade places with any of my high school classmates.

Even the few who had managed to obtain trophy houses and trophy cars and trophy spouses didn't seem as happy as I was at the time.

Meanwhile, the people I had liked in high school were still likable.

I haven't been back, but I've looked at the bios on my high school's alumni website, and it's amazing to see how many of my classmates are still living in that trashy little suburb after more than 35 years.