I'm befriending a very skittish cat....

he started showing up a few weeks ago. He's young, probably 4-5 months old. I thought he was a stray, but the neighbors told me he belongs to some college kids down the street. Evidently, they don't feed him much. The poor guy is always starving. So every evening he shows up and I feed him. At first, as soon as he saw me, he'd take off. Then, slowly, he'd only run a few yards away.

Then, two nights ago, I was able to pet him for the first time - briefly. He liked it, but got nervous and ran away. Then yesterday and today I've been able to pet him, albeit still briefly.

I've named him Phink, cuz I thought he was orphink (as popeye would say) when I first met him.

I have a feeling the kids don't much care about or for him, so he may end up being my fourth cat. He's really pretty .... just skittish as hell!

Can a cat that nervous ever become a reasonably well-adjusted pet?

I lived in a small farming community in Kansas on the edge of town. Behind my backyard was a wheat field so we had plenty of stray cats hanging around the barn in the back, and I made a lot of them pets to the annoyance of my parents. The one I remember the most was Felix - an orange tabby, ugly as hell according to mom, but he eventually became a very loving cat. I'd give him a little something to eat every day, leaving it on the ground for him, and every few days I would move up the spot where I was leaving the food 10 feet until he was eating at the back porch. He never left after that. :)

TlalocW

...and he's still nervous to this day (7 years later). He's generally fine around me, my wife and my son (although a bit on the defensive side), but he remains leery of strangers. Funny thing is, he's HUGE (over 30 lbs) and he seems to have no idea that he's a giant who ought not to be scared of anybody!

Depends on whether its a socialization problem, or if he's just scared of humans in general because of the way these kids may have treated him.

Since he has warmed up to you over time, there's definitely hope.

I wanna see pictures! I LOVE big cats!

I just worry that he's always gonna be one of those stupid cats that hides behind the dryer for days at a time when the doorbell rings. My other three are all friendly lapcats.

The good news, is he's already good friends with my two younger cats - they play all the time.

Sure, your "new" kitty will warm up to you just fine. Look how far you've come in just a few weeks! He may never be the friendliest cat to your friends but he's certainly warmed up to you.

I have two who are extremely affectionate with me, but no one else has ever seen them because they hide under the bed or chair whenever someone knocks at the door. (Of course the other three own the place and plop their fat butts in the path of whomever is visiting.)

Congratulations!! Looks like you have a new kitty. Phink is a really cute name.

You might want to get the cat checked out for kitty AIDS and other nasty stuff. Especially since the new critter plays with your other cats. Whenever I bring a new cat home, I get it checked so I don't get my other cats sick.

if I could catch it, I'd take it to the vet in a second. But we're not that close yet.

But over the months, she's mellowed out quite a bit. She's still extremely nervous around strangers. Whenever someone comes to our house, she completely freaks out. Usually she hides, but sometimes she'll start wailing.

Sounds like you're making a new friend. Show us pictures when you can.:hi:

I'll try to get some pics of him tomorrow.

I put food out for him, and I just sit near him while he eats. I talk to him. I pet MY cats in front of him.

I make slow movements toward him with my hands, then retreat. I just want him to know that I won't hurt him. It's working, slowly. He's really beautiful and could probably be a real sweetheart if he just got some loving.

I bet some of both are in play w/your new kitty friend.

But...due to the fact that it was apparent that he liked your petting of him once he began to trust you, leads me to beleive that a lack of decent nurturing and possibly abuse drives his skittishness. It might be in his nature to be shy and that may never change, but my guess is that in a loving environment much of that will go away and he'll become more social, especially since he is so young

You said that neighbors think he belongs to some local college students. Sad. I have a part time job in a college town and am aware of lots of animal contol issues because of the fact that college kids often don't think things through properly when they take on a pet.

It'd be wonderful if you are willing to take in this "baby" full time if feasable. I hope you will consider looking into it. The kitty apparently knows where he wants to be. :-)

Oh, I'd take him in as my own in a second, given the chance. He's really adorable, and I was thinking of getting another cat anyway. I was looking into buying a purebred, and this guy looks similar to the type I wanted.

I just never liked overly-nervous cats, and he might be one of them. But I agree that he seems to have been abused, or at least neglected. The fact that he's always so damned hungry worries me. I don't know if the kids are feeding him at all.

She knew he was being terrorized by his owners. He belonged to one someone living in a house that had four college students, and at least some of them were obviously physically abusing it.

He started showing up at my mom's house at some point, probably because her other cat was always hanging out in the window. She'd feed him, but didn't get close to him for a long time. Finally, one day, she held the door open and invited him into the house, and he came. He's been there ever since. She eventually talked to the "owner" who in effect said "good riddance." That kid is lucky my mom is not a violent person; just her thoughts could have killed.

He was very skittish for a some time and hung out in quiet, dark corners. He got to liking sunshine, however, and would come out during the day to sit on the window sill. When he did so, my mom would talk to him, and over time, he's become a very loving cat. He still doesn't like strangers and probably never will, and he had a lot of problems with me in the beginning. He seems to be able to recognize human males as distinct from females, and he was being abused by human males. But, he's even started jumping into my lap if I stay still long enough.

that's encouraging.

My next-door neighbors have a couple cats who were abused by males, and they NEVER let me get close to them. It's funny how cats make that distinction.

He just let me pet him for about a minute! And he came to ME!

I'm sorely tempted!

Lived next to a large park where people would drop off animals they didn't want. The critters must've had a grapevine that told them to come to my door. Found good homes for many over the years.

Anyway, a method which worked well to calm young cats was to lay down on my side, arms and legs sorta at right angles to my torso, and meow to them. Seriously, the sight of a nearly furless biped in the 'momma cat' position would confuse them at first, but their curiosity combined with the gut response of someone suddenly reminding some cell in their brain of 'mom' would usually break down their extreme caution very quickly. Never found a stray who did not give in and come to bump heads with me when I did this. Let me get them to take first aid if they needed it and to trust that I would make them safe and comfy.

I did have a place to house them outside until they were deemed safe to have around my house cats. The people at the newspaper classified got to where they recognized my voice when I would call and place found cat or free to good home cat ads.

Ain't he cute?

Thanks for doing the good deed.

He'll warm up to you. He's already made some pretty good progress. Give him a little more time.

She was from the day I got her, and she still is. She has learned to trust my son and me pretty much, but not completely. She likes being pet and she will sit in our laps, but she doesn't like to feel like she's being held, and will run and hide if you try to hold her.

But at night, when I'm in bed, she wants to be near me.

Don't force it, he will come around. We have one that just started coming out in the open in the last two years. She was abused before we got her.