How does one become an abrasive person?

Does it ever happen naturally or is their a cause in their life that makes them that way?

...that would certainly contribute.

Abrasive side out, of course.

I have a sister who has been abrasive all of her life.

1. live for a long time surrounded by stupid assholes. while this is a key requirement, it may not always be sufficient. most of us are surrounded by stupid assholes, and not all of us manage to be truly abrasive. some areas have a higher number of assholes per capita. spend some time living in at least one of them.

2. spend a great deal of time actually observing the actions of those around you. listen to what they say. read what they write.

3. after paying attention to them for a while... talk to them. speak your mind, tell the truth. they, the stupid assholes especially, will almost certainly find you abrasive. ;-)

What are you asking me for?! I'm not abraisive, jackass! :mad:

I need to give up socializing.

Could be you have some autistic tendencies...(I've been told often I'm "abrasive", "rude", etc, without intending it...found out a few years ago I have Asperger's Syndrome, an autistic disorder).

Online test (the autism spectrum quotien test) here... http://growe.homeip.net/BaronCohen/AutismSpectrumQuotient/AutismSpectrumQuotient.aspx

That is above average. I guess I am autistic dammit.

you being abrasive. The only way to change it is practice, which means more socializing. Pay close attention to those around you and how they act/react in situations. That's all I can come up with.

because I think you're great, and understand where you're coming from, HOWEVER - this woe is me, nobody likes me, everybody hates me, why don't people love me, girls hate me, ad nauseum stuff is generally a TOTAL turn off to anyone you may come in contact with. Confidence (NOT arrogance) is a turn on.

You need to adjust your way of thinking.

Your world is YOUR mirror. It's a reflection of what you need to change in yourself, or what's right in yourself. Don't like the way your world is treating you, you're the only one that can change that. Unless, of course, you enjoy being a "victim" and are seeking something to bitch about - in which case, carry on.

:)

Take it from someone that's had to learn her lessons the hard way. ME.

You just have to grow to believe that you are vastly superior too, smarter than and more important than every other person on the planet. Then find any opportunity to remind them in as snotty a tone as you can muster.

Little old lady in the express line ahead of you with *gasp* 16, not 12 items?! How dare she delay you for 2.5 minutes in your excrutiatingly busy day! Remind her what a worthless, moronic worm she is; compare her reading skills unfavourably to a syphillitic monkey. Use a sardonic tone. Make her cry.

Nah, just kidding... on the infrequent occasions I have the urge to do so, I do it in my head only.

(Teaching by example :) )

OK Serious answer - you want to know if it's nature or nuture.

This is the same question that is considered when contemplating all behavior. Unfortunately, no one has ever produced an absolute answer.

Therefore, I say it is probably a bit of both. Some people are predisposed to a certain behavior (nature) and nuturing either encourages or discourages that behavior. The opposite is also true - that a person could have no predisposition, but can assimilate behavior attributes from association.

This is probably what makes humans a step up on the intelligence ladder. We can run on inherent or aquired behaviors.

What is, is. If you don't like that aspect of your personality, what matters is what you do about it. While it may be intellectually satisfying to figure out why you are that way (if, in fact, you are), knowing why isn't going to "fix" the problem.

That may sound callous, but I really do know what I'm talking about, because I've been told I can come across as abrasive sometimes (of course, I don't see it, myself. ;) ) - and when I was even younger than you - in high school. I still don't really know what made me that way, but it has helped *me* to try to *think* about how other people may perceive what I say or do BEFORE I do it. Remember, when you're about to say something to somebody, they don't know any of the background. They might not understand how you came to think whatever it is you're about to say. Try to imagine how you'd react if somebody said the same thing to you, out of the blue - not knowing the thinking going on inside your head that makes it seem perfectly logical to say or do. (This is harder than it sounds, though... How can you not know what you know?)

Another thing is to try to train yourself to pay attention to body language... if people start "closing in" on themselves (crossing their arms or legs, hunching over a bit), or trying to move away (or at least trying to avoid making eye contact with you), chances are you're putting them off some how. Stop and try to figure out what you're doing, and why it might be affecting them that way.

Well, so much for my words of... er... wisdom? Or whatever you want to call them... worth what you paid for them, of course, but still, from somebody who's been there. (And sometimes is still there.)

I can't find a happy medium. Either people walk all over me or I piss 'em off.

I think in my case 2 failed marriages and more failed relationships than I care to remember might have had some to do with making me bitter and cynical. And you can't get more abrasive than cynical, can you?

programmed you to be. My mom and extended family "made" me who I am.

Don't take everything that is said to you to be tghe gospel truth. Even if its true, I'd rather be abrasive than a doormat.

My parents are super-abrasive to the point that I'm embarrassed to go out in public with them. They are so rude to service people, other drivers, you name it. It gets worse as they get older.

They also have no patience whatsoever. Honestly, I've been embarrassed since I was six and noticed they threw more temper tantrums than I did.

I can be abrasive when I'm over-tired. I have a job that wears my patience to the quick and if I haven't had a day off for a long time then I get snappy. The key is recognizing when I'm about to get like this and staying the hell away from other people.

Lots of people aren't self-aware enough to do this. Or they're too busy to give themselves time-outs.

:shrug:

My only advice is: do not engage!

...I have usually been decent to service people. What do you mean by "do not engage."?

don't talk to them. You'll just become an unwitting target.

When you're too tired to deal with people without being abrasive, try to get away from them and make time for yourself.

And I never said that you were rude to service people- just that my parents are as a symptom of non-existant patience. I really don't know anything about you. You asked what makes people abrasive and I gave my opinion based on a lifetime of living with them.

:shrug:

Bonus points for completing their sentences.