Really terrible movies that play on cable

Cable is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, there are more channels. On the other, grotesquely large hand, those channels seem to delight in playing Hollywood movies that suck. We're not talking B movies here...these movies had no excuse to be wretched, but their creators decided making something watchable was too much of a hassle.

Hudson Hawk - Bruce Willis and Danny Aiello star in this convoluted, boring and utterly charmless story of a cat burglar who somehow ends up in a plot involving Leonardo Da Vinci and global domination. That this film was made at all is a testament to how much star power can get you. That it stars legitimate actors is testament to how low some will go for a paycheck. And in case you were wondering, Willis did co-write it.

Zapped! - A Scott Baio vehicle! In it, Chachi picks up some kick-ass telepathic powers after he drinks a mixture of chemicals he cooks up (good message for kids there), but instead of using his powers to, say, end world hunger or global war, he and his friend (played by "BIBLEMAN" Willie Aames) use his abilities to rig games of chance to reap a windfall profit! A girl is involved, and he eventually loses his power, but do you really care?

Madhouse - Here's a particularly horrible offering from veteran sitcom-ruiners John Laroquette and Kirsty Alley. They play two yuppies who move into their suburban McMansion only to have it invaded by their hellspawn relatives. Hilarity ensues, and in the end you seriously wish someone would have carpet bombed the studio when this one was made.

Head Office - Judge Reinhold! A master thespian such as he SURELY could turn this piece of shit into gold! Sadly, that is not the case. This film is a parody of the corporate world and influence peddling of the 1980s that fails in every conceivable way. And it has Danny DeVito in it. Doubleplus Bad.

Caddyshack II - Robert Stack! Dyan Cannon! Jonathan Silverman! Dan Akroyd! Chynna Philips! One of the Quaids! Jackie Mason! These people should be shot for making Caddyshack II. If you haven't seen it, you are very, very lucky.

Road House - Well, this one I have to admit I enjoy watching, but it is really bad. Patrick Swayze plays a worker at a road house called the Double Deuce who attempts to "clean up" the place and runs into trouble with local rich guy and all around dick Ben Gazzara. The plot isn't important. All you need to know is that it co-stars Sam Elliot and features Kelly Lynch as a "doctor". Pure gold.

What are some terrible Hollywood movies you've seen on cable.

Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Dam vehicles...

It seems like there is one on at least once or twice a week.

Who watches this shit?:shrug:

but I'm being redundant...hehe
Duckie

It's on Showtime every now and then and is by far the worst pr0n movie ever made. Bad enough to make you take a vow of celibacy.

I remember watching one of those softcore movies and laughing hysterically.

That piece of shit was on Showtime incessantly.

:wtf:


Never heard of it...

Basically, Zombies in the Sewers.

It's as bad as it sounds. You're better off not knowing.

the shark roars like a lion, stands upright out of the ocean on its tail & chases a family to the Bahamas for personal revenge -- a true classic

--

and any other Meg Ryan movies. Blech!

for the first time since I saw it in the theater and the power went out. Just my luck! It's a great movie, and I don't even like Meg Ryan. Billy Crystal makes it a great movie. :hi:

I'm sorry i just can't stand her.

Let's see; they show "Beverly Hills Cop" at least 50 times per month. Then, the requisite of Seagall or Van Damme movies, plus "Shawshank Redemption" at least an additional 50-60 times per month. Not too much variation in the lineup of these two stations.

beverly hills cop, although the tv editing is kinda lame. and i usually watch shawshank whenever it's on tv even though i've seen it fifty times.

this movie is just absolutely over the top. i think it's hilarious and i honestly think it's actually a parody. if you want a good laugh check out the message boards on imdb.com, the freepers think it's plausable and one of the greatest patriotic movies of all time.

Police Academy

Police Academy 2

Police Academy 3

Police Academy 4

Police Academy 5

Police Academy 6

Police Academy 7 (Mission to Moscow, the "7" wasn't official)

I liked Police Academy movies as a kid. I saw 2-5 in the theatres... didn't even know 7 was made until recently, I thought it was a made-for-tv thing. (and watch out, the DVD set - for some of the movies at least - aren't in widescreen...)

"Zapped!" ugh, bad movie... bad movie! Scott Baio and Willie Ames ride again... one's purportedly gay (I couldn't care less) and the other apparently writes Christian-oriented comic books. Sigh.

And "Meatballs 4" :eyes: Good grief, the early 80s titillating campground movies were so lame...

And while they allow "Zapped!", they won't even show "Captain Nice" (a 1960s sitcom that was canned; a guy took drugs and became a superhero for one hour...)

And "What Women Want". The tv advert where Helen Hunt thinks how she's staring at Mel Gibson's "CROTCH" was cute and something I do too... but the actual scene had her saying the whole "P" word. Yikes! "Crotch" was funny. "Penis" wasn't, for some reason... dunno why...