Book industry collapses - $500 worth of books now worth 0.062 cents

"Best to just use your book stocks to start a fire to warm your can of beans, you poor starvation-destined idiots" said an anonymous book industry CEO. "The whole shittin' kerbang is moot. Oh, Christ! Is that the time? I have an appointment with my yacht and Ken Lay!"

JVS, recently fired for stealing books, was seen out in the street, wearing a tatty Princeton U raccoon coat stolen from a 96 year old graduate of that institution and offering children $2 if they'd just take his 'goddamned books - these worthless, stinking, goddamned books that ruined my life, you little bastards. Two fuckin' bucks I'm offering! Christ, back in the day that would buy you six Icees, you stupid skateboarding Oz-fest-attending jackals. Two goddamned bucks! Won't someone take these books for 2 bucks, please? Oh, the humanity!!"