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As many of you know, I'm a paralegal/legal secretary/office manager for a local solo attorney who, in addition to his law firm (which is just he and I and the part-time bookkeeper), owns a title insurance agency. We all share the same office.
Even though he's president of the title company, and an attorney, he doesn't make much money. There's a lot of competition in the title insurance business, and in our relatively small county there are FIFTY other title companies, many of them local branches of national companies. So most of the money the company makes goes to salaries for the employees and overhead, he gets little of it. And as for the law firm, frankly most solo and small-firm attorneys don't make much money, usually enough to pay their employees and overhead with a little left over for themselves.
I have a B.A. in history and sociology, and a paralegal certificate. Yet I only make $25,900.00 per year. My last review in the spring was excellent, and he was upset because he wanted to give me a substantial raise but the law firm just couldn't afford it. So I got a 1.5% raise. Big whoopee! That's enough for an extra tube of toothpaste a month. And I am, as most of you also know, the single mother of a 12-year-old boy who, as I'm sure those of you who are parents are well aware, has a lot of monetary needs.
I know he's not lying about the financial state of the law firm, because I'm in charge of the money that comes in; I keep it safe until the bookkeeper, his former paralegal who left full-time work after she had her baby, comes in once a week and deposits it. We have almost $40,000.00 in outstanding unpaid accounts from clients, and I can frankly tell you that that is more often than not the case with a lot of law firms. We have a collection agency, but they are not miracle workers and can only do so much.
I am very close with my boss, and we've become good friends in addition to the working relationship. He works very hard managing both the title company and the legal work, both of which are full-time jobs, and I also work extremely hard. I'm basically in charge of everything with the law firm, the phones, the scheduling, the filing, all the correspondence, ordering supplies, as well as all of the legal research and writing, trial prep, client contact, drafting of pleadings, etc., etc. There's always more to do than there is time to do it in, and I often stay later than 5:30.
But what's got me so pissed off I can hardly think straight is what happened today. The title company hired a new sales representative five months ago, a former realtor and car saleswoman. At the time of her hiring, I had suggested to my boss that it would be a good idea to market the law firm as a benefit of the title company, since most title companies do not have lawyers on their staffs and must contract out work like preparation of deeds and mortgages, which, in turn, is generally more expensive. Writing is my main strength, and I'm also very creative. I believed the new salesperson and I could come up with a lot of good marketing strategies and materials to increase business. In February, I spent days putting together a memo for my boss in which I outlined my ideas for increasing the business of the law firm and making it grow, and how to integrate the law firm and title company marketing. It was almost ten pages; I divided it into sections according to topic, and was very specific. He said it was one of the best and most creative memos he'd ever read.
Since then, he hasn't done anything to implement any of the ideas, most of which, unfortunately, would cost money to implement. Not all of them, but a lot of them. But you can't sit back and expect business to just come to you, you have to take risks and do things that will increase business or you continue to spin your wheels and get nowhere. So, today he asked me to draft an addendum to the sales rep's contract. Fine, I thought, I've done a million of those and it shouldn't take long.
Well, lo and behold, he had apparently offered the position of overall sales manager (he'd been talking for over a year about creating that position) to the sales rep, and was increasing her salary by EIGHT FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR, starting IMMEDIATELY,, due to her "additional duties." And she doesn't even have any kind of degree beyond high school!!!! And the outline of ideas she'd given him had some things that were similar to some of my ideas. My boss must have heard the angry, choking noises emanating from my throat, because he then came in my office and knew immediately how furious and upset I was and he shut the door. "It must be nice", I said, "to be somewhere for only five months and get such a nice, fat, raise."
"Well, that's for her additional duties and responsiblities", he said, knowing there were some major ruffled feathers he had to smooth. "Really, like I don't have additional duties and responsiblities every goddamn day!" I snapped. The list of my duties would run to over ten pages, if I were ever to actually sit down and list them. He started to talk about the law firm's finances and how bad he felt, when I interrupted with the comment that perhaps if he'd bothered to implement any of my ideas from last winter we might be doing a little better. That memo was done on my own initiative, and was all my own ideas. I'd spent days putting it together. I had also put together an internet research resource manual from material I'd learned at a paralegal seminar I'd attended, also on my own initiative. Where the hell was my recognition for all of that? Where the hell was MY promotion and raise?????????????????????????????????? And I've been here working my ass off and then some for you for two and a half years, I practically screamed. He was desperately trying to calm me down, saying that he wanted her to implement the ideas for the law firm and the title company marketing because he and I simply didn't have the time to do it ourselves.
He was really bothered by how upset I was, and again brought up the lack of money in the law firm and the fact that he'd had to borrow money from the title company to pay my salary and benefits for the past two months. I knew that, but I was just so angry and pissed and upset and frustrated that I was really losing it. I'm 38 years old, college-degreed, and my son and I are still living with my parents, as we have since right before he was born, because I can't afford it otherwise. I work my ass off, staying late many nights, and this person comes along in the title company and after five fucking months is given an EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLAR RAISE to implement some ideas that I CAME UP WITH IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE! He was practically in tears, saying that he hadn't gotten any money himself from the law firm for months (which is true), but that he'd often thought of giving me extra checks from the law firm funds and making up for it with funds from the title company. Well, then, why the hell haven't you, I again almost screamed. I know that sounds cruel, but I'm sick of working my ass off and having no money while everyone else I know, especially people with no degree at all, make a helluva lot more. And the contract addendum just brought everything boiling to the surface, with almost unbearable frustration. You can work with her, he said. BULLSHIT, I almost yelled, not until I see some more weight in my light-as-air paycheck, since that would be "additional duties." And just when the hell would I find time for that, since there's too much to do all the time?
Well, he said, she (the sales rep) is accepting a promotion, a higher position, with additional duties, and she said she can do it better if she doesn't have to worry about money. Hoo, boy, was that the wrong thing to say, and he immediately knew it, as soon as the words left his mouth. Jesus, like I DON'T FUCKING HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY? I DESERVE THE SAME FUCKING THING! I picked up my purse from my desk and said I was leaving to take a walk in the local cemetery (it's almost four acres, in a wooded area, a favorite walking place)to calm down before I started throwing things at him and the wall, and if it took me three hours to calm down, then that's how long it would take. I then left the office and drove to the cemetery and walked around. Then I drove around for an hour longer. I'd finally calmed down enough to go back to the office, but I told him he could finish the goddamned addendum himself because I was still too upset to even think about touching it. He needed it that afternoon to take to lunch with the sales rep and the title company manager. She signed it a few hours later, and he'll make the announcement tomorrow.
We had a long talk and he knew I was still extremely upset, angry, and frustrated. I don't know what happened, but I just snapped. I'm tired of just spinning the wheels in my life, I said. Here I am, with a college degree AND a paralegal certificate, and I'm not making much more than the federal poverty level for a family of two, especially after over two years! I can talk to him about anything, and get as angry or emotional as I want, which is what I did. He gave me a job after ten months of fruitless searching (that whole thing about paralegal positions being always in demand is total bullshit!) and gave me a chance even though I kept fucking up for the first six months because I'd only had paralegal training, not secretarial training, and the job was mostly secretarial. He said he knew how underpaid I was, and that most of my research, writing, and legal skills were going unused and I knew how bad he felt. But I also needed him to know and understand how upset I was, and why. He said he did, although I'm not entirely sure if that's the case, and that if I wanted to find a position more suitable to my skills, with the pay to match, he'd be upset and wouldn't want me to leave, but he'd understand. I had to do what was right for me.
It's been twelve hours and I'm still so upset I can hardly think straight. I'm tired of working my ass off and never getting anywhere. I'm tired of having two degrees and watching people with no degree at all make twice or three times as much as me. He told me that the sales rep was upset that I was so upset, and that I didn't talk to her when she came into the office in the afternoon. Well, tough shit, I don't really give a flying fuck. Normally, I'm very generous and magnanimous in these types of situations, and God knows I've had more than my fill of them, having to congratulate people who moved up into positions when I knew I could do just as well if given the chance. But, like I said, something just snapped today and my whole perspective has changed. I didn't fucking feel like being nice and pretending that everything was just hunky-dory, because it's not. This woman is getting EIGHT FUCKING THOUSAND MORE DOLLARS now than me, especially at a time when my son's father is playing hide-the-child support again, and partly to implement MY IDEAS THAT I CAME UP WITH IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE! I'm sorry, but that medicine just doesn't go down, even with a spoonful of sugar.
So now I'm at a major crossroads. On the one hand, I desperately need more money and a better job. On the other, I've never been so comfortable with a job or had a better boss. It's only a few miles from home, which cuts way down on gas and which helps with my son, and his school, tremendously, I even save lunch money by going home for lunch. It's a small office, I'm totally in charge of the law office, my boss leaves me alone to do the job the way I see fit, and I love my boss. But I need to do something in the near future, something has to change. I have to do something more with my life than this. And if I'm ever going to go to graduate or law school, I'll need more money. But then, I tend to be provincial and be afraid to take risks and make changes, which is probably why I've never really lived up to my full potential. So what should I do?
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