Okay DU...I need your advice one last time...

And I need it really soon, like...within the next few hours or so.

Remember that girl I asked out that never got back to me? Well, I finally talked to her today. I got my pass to ride the bus, and she was there. So, I got into a conversation with her after she and I got off the bus about where she had been the whole summer. She said, to put it simply, hadn't been here. She was away on vacation longer than expected, she stayed for a week at her friends, and then she went on vacation again. She also said she never got any of the few messages I had left. So, apparently i've been hurt this whole summer for nothing, go figure...:eyes:

But that's not the problem. Apparently, she still has interest in a relationship. I asked her when she was done explaining is she wanted to drop the whole thing, but she didn't want to. But, I honestly don't know what to do now. I still kinda do want a relationship, kinda...I mean, she didn't intentionally blow me off, or anything...I at least maybe owe it to her to go ahead with it. But, I don't really know if that's what I want to do. I'm almost completely drained emotionally and spiritally, and I don't know if a relationship that has a chance of ending in a couple days is really the best thing for me now...

That, and I was at my friend's house earlier, and we had a talk about it. Apparently, he was also getting suspicious of me liking his girlfriend...And, I kinda don't blame him. I kinda did act like I might have been, but that was never my intent. He tried to put it nicely, but I still felt really bad coming out of it. I was only really jealous of them. I explained that, and he seemed to understand. But...I really still feel like the antagonist in this whole situation...

I don't think i'll get any sleep for a little bit, so any help or advice or anything is appreciated...

first what is one? :evilgrin: I wish i could help you know my specialities, being silly as anything yet dead serious the next moment.

You wouldn't want it done to you, don't do it to anyone else. If it's not meant to be between them let her end it, you have no business getting involved. Go join a club and meet another girl, there are too many out there to go around causing hurt.

On edit:

I remember sleeping over a friend's one night at a party and a mutual friend was there with his girlfriend. Everyone's passed out and I remeber feeling her trying to climb into the sack with me whisering stuff I don't remember. It didn't take 3 seconds and I slammed my arm down on the sheets to partition her off and and yeelling at the top of my lungs for the friend to come in. It was emabarassing but I kept my buddies respoect blowing the whistle like that and that was the most important.

the girl I asked out and my friend's girlfriend are 2 different people. But, you're right...

Charlton Heston or Wayne LaPierre or Tom Delay but I doubt you befriend those 3 morans, do they have any friends beside their guns. Sorry bad taste.

Go get her, then. Just make sure you scrub all of the "creepy, needy, pining, obsessive" smell off of you first. They don't like that. Relax, she already digs you, just be cool and pretend you have the upper hand anyway. Just don't go into jerk mode with it and you should be fine.

why not let your emotions recover while you simply get to know this girl with no strings attached? You like her, she likes you. This is a good thing. Like each other for awhile. Then maybe you'll find you want to invest more of your hearts in each other...or not. But if not, at least you won't be losing anything previously invested. You can always be friends.

Good luck! :-)

go really really slow with this girl. I mean REALLY slow. Be friends. Hang out. Talk. Go do things in groups if possible. But do not let yourself get overly emotionally invested at this point. Don't think of it as a "RELATIONSHIP". That's always a sure-fire way to ruin things when you're young. It's too much pressure on you and her. Go out and do fun things that will recharge your spirit and make you smile.

You asked her if she wanted to drop the whole thing and she said no. That seems good. Sounds like interest. Question...did she touch you at all during this conversation? Even just fleeting physcial contact - a brush against your arm even? That kind of stuff is a good sign too.

The best friend situation I'm not good for giving advice on. My best friend is married to someone I dated in high school. *shrug*

Anyway, hope this helps.

*smooches*

DV

Definately just stick to the "friends" thing for a while. When she's ready you can move it to the "friends with benefits" thing and you can just coast from there. Just let her lead you and keep smiling.

BTW...I like the Che avatar:)

:(

BTW, thanks!

RUUN!

you're a little burned out on the idea of a relationship with this girl, because you put much time and energy over the summer into it, and got no return from it (because she was gone.)
(on edit) you can't blame her or yourself for this part of the problem. It's just one of those life-has-bad-timing-sometimes things.

IIRC early in the summer, she wanted to heal from her breakup, so wasn't ready for you.

Now she's ready for you. Start slow, let yourself get some of the return of emotion you've already invested; i.e. let her feed your emptied emotions and spirits.

You having someone in your life will also help smooth things over with your friend; he'll see you're really not interested in his girlfriend.

S-L-O-W is the key word.

ps - learn now that any relationship "...has a chance of ending in a couple days..." so make the best of what comes your way when it comes your way. Not in a user/taker/greedy way, but in a sharing/giving/allowing-someone-else-to-give way.

it really helps. I'm at least calm now, not biting my fingernails to the core like a was an hour or so ago. I try my best to not look nervous, but I really can't help but lose it sometimes. That said, I'll be fine, whenever I see her next (tomorrow). Don't worry about me now, I think I know what i'm gonna do...

That's what I'd do..if I had a flame- period.

On the thing with your friend, you already apologized, and hopefully he's cool with it now. Make good on your apology, and don't even LOOK at your friend's girlfriend funny. Make the effort, you'd rather have your friend's girlfriend wondering why you're so chilly all of a sudden than have your friend suspect that you're still trying to make a move on his girlfriend. That's just not cool. (This assumes, of course, that you are closer to your friend than his girlfriend.)

On the thing with the neighbor girl...call me suspicious, but I just don't buy it. Try to find out (DISCREETLY) if she really was gone all summer. My impression was that it would have been difficult to dodge all of the messages you had left, frankly (and you should consider working on that...try not to obsess over any one girl, and definitely do not overdo it on the calling and "dropping by").

If she was lying to you in any way, just blow her off COMPLETELY. Be polite but distant when you see her, and NEVER EVER EVER call her or express interest in her again. You don't need that shit, and she is not worth your time.

If she was telling the truth, then she should have had plenty of time to get over her old relationship by now. I disagree with the folks who say take it slow. It's the beginning of the new school year, if you wait too long someone else is going to ask her out and you will KICK yourself for waiting. Again, you regret what you DON'T do a lot more than what you do.

So ask her out. If she demurs with the "still getting over the old relationship" line, or gives you the "let's be friends first" line, or declines with an excuse and does not propose an alternate night, she is most likely either telling you she's not interested in a polite, non-confrontational way, or she's just stringing you along because she likes the attention.

If she accepts, or says she's busy but quickly offers up another night as an alternative, you're in good shape. Explore it!

But if she blows you off, MOVE ON. You gave it your best shot, and that's all anyone can do. It might be hard, but seriously, you gotta move on. And another thing...if she does blow you off, the only thing that might have any REMOTE chance of sparking her interest is you moving on and being happy. Pining over her will just make you look pathetic. Continuing to try will just creep her out. The friends thing will make you miserable while it's happening, and she will put you in the "friends" box and it will be very hard if not impossible to move into the "more-than-friends" box. ESPECIALLY at your age.

My $0.02.

DTH

last night, but I had little time on the computer as there was a huge thunderstorm here, that rocked the house, so I logged off and shut the computer down early.
:scared:

The best advice you have already been given. Take it slow. Become friends and just hang out, at first preferably in the company of other friends. Go to the movies or out for pizza in a group, so there's no pressure, no strings. You need to really decide if she's someone whom you really want to get to know better or whether you built up her positive qualities in your mind while she was unobtainable.:shrug:

You need to take the pressure of of yourself, and her. Give yourself time to let your emotions return to normal and get to know her as a person, so you will be comfortable if you do decide that you want her for more than a friend. Remember that there is no rush. I am not dismissing you because of your age, I promise. I remember how I felt when I was 15 and what you are feeling is very powerful. Emotions probably run higher when you are a teen-ager than when you get older. That's the reason that you have to be especially careful.:-)

As for your friend, it is good that you were honest with him. You have been given good advice about this, as well. You saw his girlfriend in a different light because you were jealous. Most people find themselves in this situation at one time or another. Just let it go. Be a good friend and he will forgive you.:-)

Also, don't forget who you are. You are intelligent, are taking advanced courses in school and can hold your own on DU with people twice your age. You know more about the candidates than I do! You are also sensitive and kind. Value yourself. If this girl doesn't want to get to know you better, then it's her loss. You are sure to meet many girls who would like to know you better. Take your time. I know it's trite, but I would hate to see you get hurt, okay?
:yourock:

go on one date. If you have fun go on another date. Keep doing that until you figure out you actually have things in common and get along. Don't start a relationship right off the bat and for goodness sake don't jump right into sex.... it causes false expectations.

okay here is the order

Date
Date
Date
Date
Date
Date
Go together (relationsip)
see how that goes for awhile
think about sex
get condoms
discuss when and where
discuss previous partners and safe sex
then do it if you must (or you could wait until you have made a life commitment. Some people still do)

(sorry to sound like a Mom, but this is the advice I would give my boys and they are both older than you by several years.)