Dave Matthews Band Offers DNA to Police for Testing

Okay, now this is getting surreal. As if it wasn't weird before.

CHICAGO -- The Dave Matthews Band pleaded for patience from its fans and the people of Chicago as police continued to investigate allegations that a bus the band used dumped human waste onto a tour boat in the Chicago River earlier this month.

"We are not attempting to avoid any responsibility," a statement on the band's Web site posted Sunday read. "If we were responsible for what happened, we will work quickly to make amends."

The band was cooperating fully with authorities, the statement said, and the band offered photographic evidence, license plate numbers, access to its drivers and tour manager, as well as DNA samples from band members.

The band emphasized its love for Chicago and its people, but also a sense of loyalty to a driver who has worked with the band for five years, according to the release.

"In that time he has earned our respect and trust and on a personal level he has become part of the family," the statement said.

The band also stated that it had yet to see all the evidence, and had a "few narrow but critical questions related to what we have seen of the evidence in the media."

http://www.nbc5.com/entertainment/3691032/detail.html?z=dp&dpswid=2265994&dppid=65192

First off, eeeuuuuuwwww! And second (well, eeeuuuuuwww again!), this is too bizarre to even contemplate.

"How does that work? Did they just call them up and say, "We need DNA because we think this poopie is yours?". And imagine the embarrasment of having your poo identified as your own THROUGH SCIENCE. And who is the poor person that has to run DNA tests on celebrity poo? "No, I never met Dave Matthews, but I did perform some tests on his feces". "

Bwahahahahaha!!!!

That reminds me of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, the one dude who carries the ABBA turd around with him at all times. :D

HAHAHAHAHAHAH! :D

the kid trying to sell a Madonna pap smear (at least I think it was Madonna... that was many beers ago).

you can see one little pubic hair, as black as they come. :-)

:evilgrin:

:)

What kind of numb skull would dump human waste from a bus off a bridge? If the driver did that he should get what's coming to him. I'm thinking that the bus was in motion, though. And that leads me to think that it was an accident and something on the bus malfunctioned. I just can't imagine somebody doing something like that on purpose.

Is there even a button to do that?


I thought it involved hoses and stuff to empty chemical toilets on coaches.

So that means the bus would have to be stopped on the side of the bridge and the driver out there physically dumping the stuff over the edge. And I think from a previous story that the bus was in motion when this happened. Somebody correct me if I'm wrong.

When idiot pukes scream at me for having a Kerry 04 bumper sticker. I'd label it "feces canon".

I can't believe I just said that. :) Isn't poop just waste product from food? Maybe there's some mucus in there and a few cells from the inside of the intestines, but the poop-proper is just smelly brown food.

Regardless, there's lots of poop in every river. What's the big deal?

It'll contain a large amount of cells from the lining of the GI tract.

They were not happy, as most people don't like being covered in liquified feces. :-(

uh-the boatload of people between the poop and the river?

The videotape seems to be something of a smoking gun.

Too...many...jokes.

Can't...choose...just...one...

It hurts. Oh, god...it hurts....