WANTED: Honest critique of today's (my) article PLEASE HELP

mark414

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Thu Sep-02-04 03:44 PM
Original message

WANTED: Honest critique of today's (my) article PLEASE HELP

Edited on Thu Sep-02-04 03:52 PM by mark414

hello fellow DUer's

i'm thinking of focusing on a career in writing, specifically political journalism, so am asking for honest critiques of my articles.

here's my article from today:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/articles/04/09/02_story.html

i got some helpful replies for my last DU article (my first one), and am hoping for the same here.

thanks in advance!

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mark414

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Thu Sep-02-04 03:53 PM
Response to Original message

1. just kicking to the top

someone help me out, will ya?

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nini

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Thu Sep-02-04 03:57 PM
Response to Original message

2. the only thing I would say

is to shorten the beginning a bit where you're introducing Chris and his connections to Enron and you.

Good points though... and I agree that I can't figure out why people support an administration that discards their needs.

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mark414

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Thu Sep-02-04 03:58 PM
Response to Reply #2

3. thanks

i see your point, too much of the story focuses on the non-political aspect of it all.

will take note. thanks again.

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nini

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Thu Sep-02-04 04:23 PM
Response to Reply #3

4. I see you are trying to define that this guy is a good person

..that's what you should be doing, just wrap it up a bit :-)

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Robbien

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Thu Sep-02-04 04:28 PM
Response to Original message

5. Your style of writing is very easy to read. I enjoyed it.

The question I come away with is that the article does not reveal the reason why after Enron Chris is still supporting the GOP ticket. Is it economical, religious (i.e. right to life, sexual orientation) or what?

The point you made that Chris should not exist bothered me. I believe you mean that we should not allow people to be indoctrinated into believing the propaganda. It is the mindset that should not exist, not the person.

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mark414

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Thu Sep-02-04 05:12 PM
Response to Reply #5

8. yes but i clarified that point

and said people LIKE chris shouldn't exist. re-read the paragraph after that point.

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jukes

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Thu Sep-02-04 04:54 PM
Response to Original message

6. Excellent article, Mark

you drove your point home very well, engendered supportive emotions, & told the story clearly.

stylistically, it wd be helpful to you to work on condensing your prose. you have many short paragraphs that string out your article & break the pace. many of those para's cd be joined for a more concise narrative.

i'd give that an "A" though, despite my quibbles.

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mrbassman03

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Thu Sep-02-04 05:09 PM
Response to Original message

7. Great!

Only because it was mentioned before, shorten the history with Chris. Excellent article and very worthy of being posted on DU.

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