Inspired by Others Here on DU - Re: Clinton

Kerry's Master Plan Coming Together at Last According to Swift Boat Veterans for Bush

At a Swift Boat Veterans for Bush press conference, it was revealed that the penultimate stroke in Kerry's campaign to unseat the God-chosen leader of the free world, George Bush, has taken place. With the hostage situation in Russia as well as Hurricane Frances bearing down on Florida taking away much needed media attention from Bush's re-election message (Okay, so I let America get attacked once - it won't happen again), Clinton's hospitalization and impending surgery could "totally move the focus off of Bush's heroic protecting of Texas from the Viet Cong while Kerry basically played Captain Stubing in the Mekong Delta" according to Benjamin Ginsberg of SBVT.

John O'Neil, Nixon's chosen one to take on Kerry over his statements to Congress about what was really going on in Viet Nam, claimed that the whole image of Bill Clinton as "some pudgy guy who loves junk food - the kind who would need this type of surgery - is a fraud. Along with scratching himself in Viet Nam to make himself look more heroic, Kerry met with and planned over the years with Clinton to rob America of the presidencies of both George Bushes."

O'Neil went on to claim that, "...Clinton never touches junk food. We have affidavits from former McDonalds restaurant employees (who now fear for their lives) that the hamburgers and fries that Clinton would scarf down were actually veggie-burgers and boiled tofu sticks that were supplied to them before Clinton would visit. Clinton's medical records were faked, making him look like a couch potato. In reality, he can run a marathon and still have the pulse rate of a healthy 18-year-old who's at rest. Make-up and padded suits hide his Adonis-like body from the public and the media."

Dozens of photographs and a video of Clinton, released through his wife's senate staff, showing him just last Thanksgiving eating plates and plates of turkey, ham, ribs, baked potatoes slathered in real butter, three different types of pie, fried yams, and washing it down with a liter of buttermilk within a 15-minute time span before getting up for seconds has been called, "A sure sign of desperation from the democrats," by Ginsberg.

When asked to comment, President Bush seemed peeved, muttering something about not being able to exploit the death of Reagan without reminding people that Clinton was also in danger. But before getting on Air Force One to fly out to his Texas "ranch" (again), Bush issued this statement, "I want all of America to join me in praying for the swift recovery of Bill Clin--- 9/11! Terra! Terrorists! Bring 'em on! We can never forget the lessons learned on September 11! May God bless America."

TlalocW