Things I've found in my bookmarks: 5 levels of a hangover

5 levels of a Hangover

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak& fries.


Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now, if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.


Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good
about right now.

:scared:

too

It's not worth it.

work week. I even working on a one-star day can be a challenge!

Hell, I have a two-drink minimum most days. But on work days, I keep my drink count to 2, and follow that up with a large amount of water.

Damn, you make Bush look like a teatotaller!!

:dunce:

seriously.....we'll gather up all your friends - all 2 of them and we'll tell you why you need to give up your drunken ways

:silly:

Seriously though, I almost never have booze in the house. I just don't care for alcohol all that much. :shrug:

next thing you'll tell us is that you have a 10-pill minimum for oxycontin or something like that!

;-)

:crazy:

Was it someone elses house I drank in when I was there? And wasn't that you that brought out the booze?

You were quite the bartender in fact.

:hi:

on a 3/4 once. Got a B on it. Which is good, 'cause I deserved it after shitting on myself in the process.

....that was too much information about shitting yourself.

:puke:

It comes and goes.