Teaching/Coaching Situationally Appropriate Aggression

God, that sounds like one of those training fliers I get at work.

It is, however, a real issue I have. My nine-year-old son is in Tae Kwon Do (red belt) and has just started full pads football.

He is a sweetheart without an aggressive bone in his body (outside of brotherly-sisterly bickering that occasionally escalates).

He has would I, as a former nine-year-old boy myself, would consider a health sort of fantasy aggression/violence view of the sort upon which the cartoon industry thrives. (I think this is healthy, and an outlet for sublimated aggression; other's may disagree).

The problem is, while he can defend himself pretty well in Tae Kwon Do sparing, he never wins matches because he is just not intrinsically aggressive. Now, because of his weight, his is a permanently assigned lineman in football. (Over 100 pounds, you must play line).

The same sort of lack of aggressiveness is proving a problem in football as well.

He generally likes sports when we engage him in them, but he's not the sort of kid who goes outside on his own to shoot hoops. (What kid is these days? fewer and fewer it seems).

He is, in fact, a lot like myself at his age. The model for instilling aggressive athletic behavior when I was his age (late 60s in the South) was punitive: lots of yelling, wind sprints/push ups, etc. I don't want to turn into my childhood coaches, or my friends father who set himself up as my equivalent age peer groups personal-trainer-from-hell).

Any suggestions on how to do this? I really want him to remain in sports, as he is overweight and needs a regular schedule of activity. Yes, we could just walk or otherwise exercise as a family every day, but I think that sports (in particular the martial arts) can be very valuable. And I think participation in at least one team sport could be valuable as well.

But how can I help him to succeed without emulating the bad examples of my youth (snarling: "If you ever want to see that G-- D----- Game Boy again, you better get out there and knock some people on their ass!)

No.

Can he participate in sports? I would hope so. I didn't much, and I regret it. I don't feel I'm particularly projecting on him.

He actually loves TKD, and was excited to play football. The problem is: how do I get him to be motivated to get out and hussle?

He could stop sparing at TKD tournaments and just participate in forms, breaking, that soft of thing, and I'd be perfectly proud of him. I'm already proud that he will take his junior black-belt test at the start of October.

But I think that being under aggressive is not necessarily a healthy thing. (A very old friend of mine suggested that I might not want to teach him aggression. This person was a start athlete when we were young, and yet is something of a post-hippie dropout who dedicates his life to outdoors sports).

I do want him to develop a healthy sense of the competitive, because I think it's essential to getting along in teh world.

I just don't know how to go about it.