I hurt. Make me laugh.

For at least 45 minutes, please.

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel shoved halfway down the front of his britches.

The bartender says, "Ahoy, Cap'n! What's that ship's wheel doin' in yer pants?"

The pirate says, "Arrrrr...it's drivin' me nuts!"

good one!

and I'm pretty sure I've got dry socket... :(

But the dentist's office opens in 35 minutes...

Thanks!

But if it's real... I wonder...

Is the bear trying to make friends. Or is he looking for dinner? In any case, where did he get fresh carrots? Did the penguins fly off course and end up in Alaska? Or did the bear wander too far south?

-- Allen

It *is* an amusing picture.

Props to Fark's Kambodia for the pic, BTW. That guy always cracks me up.

The cashier says "I'm sorry sir, we're all out of onions... you'll have to have your whopper without something else."

It takes a special lack of brains to work at BK...

No one would work there unless they had to. I am always nice to them for that reason.

I'm nice to everybody, unless they're exceptionally nasty to me.

... you'd think that one of them would have seen it!

but I finally got it. Must be my blonde ancestry. ;)

A scientist from Southampton University has invented a bra that stops womens breast's from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
At a news conference announcing the invention, the scientist was taken outside by a large group of men, where they proceeded to kick the crap out of him.

got a link?

:D Thanks for the laugh!

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section
of the plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose
and then shuddered quite violently for 10 or 15 seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped
her nose and shuddered quite violently as before.

The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she
took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently.

The man couldn't restrain his curiosity. He turned to the woman and said,
"You've sneezed three times, wiped you nose with a tissue, then shuddered
violently! Are you all right?"

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied, "I have a rare condition
- when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never
heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looked at him and said, "Pepper."

I'll have what she's having...

I hope you're feeling better...did you get to the dentist ok?
Duckie