Buy some wood on the internets!

Ehehehehehhe...

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3845089354

Love this photo:

How-erm-presidential

myself laughing. Hope it gets some play on the networks. Even better than Bushisms. I mean the piece of wood in Bush's hand and the comment about rebuilding the hospital. And it was put together so quickly. Priceless.

Seriously. :P

nominating this post for the homepage. Is that the same as kick?

click there

kicks the thread to the top of the forum. It stays at the top for about a nano second :D eheeh

to click on du after working tonight and seeing this..what away to start the weekend!!!!

Since he will probably lose the election, he has a better chance opening at the Comedy store.

... by firing a nail gun into his (wooden)head.

Remember Rudy Boschwitz? He was the guy Wellstone beat in 1990 and 1996. Rudy is known throughout the state for his HomeValue home improvement stores.

HomeValue was previously known as "Plywood Minnesota" in the 1970s-1980s, and was known for its truly awful TV commercials starring Ken & Jerry Boschwitz, the evil spawn of Rudy.

Perhaps Dubya could join the Boschwitzes at one of their five metro-area locations hawking wood to the Do-It-Yourselfer set? He'd enjoy Minnesota. We've got a Rethug governor who's running the state into the toilet, a combative Rethug state Senate leader who hasn't seen a patch of greenspace that can't be paved, and a gridlocked state legislature.

Yup, he'd love it here. We're quickly turning into a cold Texas.

but I am not inviting him!

As a resident of Minnesota, I'm afraid that I have to reject your proposal. I don't want him as my neighbor. It would be just like that episode of the Simpson's when Bush Sr. became Homer's next door neighbor.

Gah, just imagine seeing him at the grocery store... or at the post office... having him sputtering and shrieking on my TV and visiting my state every other week is bad enough (how the hell did liberal Minnesota become a battleground?). Although I *would* love to chase him off my lawn with a shotgun... that would be worth it.

"Damn presidents... get off m'lawn!"

Hehe, maybe I could egg his house or smash his mailbox... you know what, the more I think about it, the more I think this is actually a good idea. It's just like how sending our troops to Iraq made Iraq the epicenter of terrorism... sending Bush to Minnesota would make it the epicenter of sophomoric pranks.

*Is now giddy*

And I'm on the homepage!!

:)

hey ! i want my questioned answered on ebay! (involves a woody)

But only if I can pre-emptively use my woodie on the wood.

the questions are absolutely hilarious. I submitted one, but I think they've given up for the night (they're all date-stamped 10-08).

I can see the first page but can't get into the archives without signing in and I refuse to create an e-bay account just for this.

Can anyone help me out- the first page was great?

Pretty brilliant.

Q: we join coalition forces to fight in IRAQ to get Wood! now you will not ship wood to Poland? don't say you forget about Poland? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: We didn't forget about Poland! You may purchase the Special Poland Edition Wood signed by Pres. Bush, look at the link towards the bottom of this auction.
Q: People like you suck. There is no question, it's a fact - you obviously know who owns http://needsumwood.com/ - scum! Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Thanks for your kind words. We have no affiliation with the people at that site and if it is indeed filled with spyware and liberal propoganda we recommend you don't go there.
Q: Has this product been approved by Swift Boat Veterans for wood? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Not only was it approved by Swift Boat Veterans for Wood, the original investors of the company that made it, Bush Lumber Co, were SBVfW
Q: Can you be completely certain about the uniqueness of this wood? I'm certain Saddam Hussein was manufacturing this same wood in one of his mobile weapons laboratories so he could use it as part of his weapons of mass destruction program related activities. Answered on Oct-08-04
A: The wood is, in fact, unique. There are only three pieces of it in existence, two of which are on sale here on eBay. We will keep the third around as a valuable until the right offer rolls around.
Q: Could I buy the wood to fix one of the VA hospitals that our leader closed down? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Sure thing. But good luck fixing those hospitals while they're being attacked.
Q: What is the crap you want people install at http://needsumwood.com/? I'm assuming, this is your site, if not, who owns it? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Probably some spyware, don't install it unless you have this piece of wood to protect you. The site is not ours.
Q: Do you think I could use this piece of wood to pay my son's doctor bill since I have no insurance? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: I'm sure the doctor would be willing to accept this amazing product as payment any time.
Q: Isn't it true that this wood has two sides, and could be flip-flopped? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: It is, you can flip flop it as much as Sadda, Osa, B... Kerry.
Q: If I burn this wood, will it emit more o less pollution than Diesel Offroad engines? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Technically, it will end all world pollution, hunger, terror, and global warming (which by the way doesn't exist!). But why would you burn such a rare, high-quality wood.
Q: Could this wood be used to threaten or intimidate Charlie Gibson? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: We'll have to get back to you on that, we're going to ask him later.
Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could find Osama bin Laden? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: As much as it chucks any day. How many caves can there be?
Q: Can I buy this wood for Kerry to paddle W with? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Once again, please e-mail us for details and to arrange this if you are the winning bidder.
Q: Were any stem cells destroyed in the creation of this wood? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Most definitely, only the highest quality stem cells.
Q: Was it hard work to create this piece of wood? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: We don't know. You should probably ask the outsourced workers from India, they made it.
Q: Isn't it nice to see the president playing with his wood on the television......and on the internets? It's more better than listening to him talk. Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Yes, he's are talk pretty good.
Q: Did deceased former Supreme Court Justice Dred Scott ever pass through the forest were this wood was grown? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Not that we know of. Anything is possible, though.
Q: The wood must be perfect - no mistakes - never any mistakes from the wood since it is from our flawless leader, correct? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: As flawless as our leader, indeed.
Q: Can this wood be used as a weapon of mass destruction? And does this wood have ties to Al-Queda? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: No, but it is most certainly effective as defense from Al Queda.
Q: Tell that to Tony Blair!! Answered on Oct-08-04
A: We did. His response: "bullocks!"
Q: If I buy this wood here, will that count as having a job under the Vice President's new employment definition? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Yes.
Q: Is our children learning about wood on the internets? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Probably not, but the wood could be used as an educational tool. A flashcard for instance, but only if you're extrememly rich. This is very high quality wood.
Q: I understand the weltands were increased by 3 million. Is this one of them? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: No. But the east was forgotten at Tommorow Day last pizza.
Q: Could you get Bush to beat himself over the head with the block of wood before sending it to the winning bidder? I would raise its value considerably. Answered on Oct-08-04
A: That *is* an option, for a nominal fee. E-mail us for more info.
Q: Haven't you forgotten about Poland? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: See other question about Poland. (And no, we still remember Poland)
Q: Is this wood imported from Poland? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Nope, India.
Q: Has this wood forgotten about Poland? If not, can I use it to keep my balance on my Segway? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: We guess you could write the word Poland on it or something. That way you'll never forget.
Q: A question and a follow up question. Does this wood come with permission by President Bush to spank naked Iraqis prisoners stacked in a pyramid configuration? If not, is a free trip to Levenworth included in this package if the wood happen to used in such a manner? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: This wood has been fully authorized for use as an Iraqi torture device.
Q: I bought some bad wood once, I was fooled. I want to buy your wood, but how will I know you fool me once, I won't get fooled again? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Well if you're fooled twice, shame on you!
Q: The Pretzeldunce said he didn't own a lumber company, before he asked Americans if they wanted to buy some wood. If he doesn't own a lumber company, where did the wood that he doesn't own come from? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Bush Lumber Co. is in no way affiliated with Pres. Bush. (Other than it being his company)
Q: Did Bush bless the wood? I am sure he must have since he feels he was appointed by God to lead this country. Answered on Oct-08-04
A: All Bush Lumber Co. wood is indeed blessed by Pres. Bush.
Q: Is this re-imported wood from Canada? If so, has it been approved by the Federal Wood Administration? Peace, DrRick Answered on Oct-08-04
A: We aren't exactly sure of the backstory on this wood, but it is approved, accredited, and authenticated.
Q: How many American internets job were lost due to the production of this wood in India? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Four thousand, I believe.
Q: Do you have enough wood there so I can build a garage for my hydrogen car? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: No, but you can build a candy powered car for your garage.
Q: 9/11? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Freedom is on the March. Mission accomplished.
Q: Is Mr. Rove missing his paddle? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Not that we know of
Q: Why is the wood winking at me? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: It can feel that you're scared.
Q: Is this wood good for sleeping with? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: We would not recommend sleeping with it, but it shouldn't do any harm.
Q: Were any innocent Arab-Americans harmed in the production of this wood? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: None. Once again, this wood was made in India by Bush Lumber Co. and therefore there were no Arab-Americans involved.
Q: Will federal tax dollars be used to pay for the shipping of the wood. And if so, can I deduct it on my taxes? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: The shipping is not tax deductible (But go ahead and write it off, who really pays attention?).
Q: Can I use this wood ta fight terrah? Or perhaps build new nukulur powered off-road diesel internets? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: This wood indeed comes with super terror-fighting action. However, because of your offensive, terrorist-like username, we cannot sell you a product with such awesome power.
Q: Is this some of that cheap Canadian wood? Or worse yet, is it some of that 3rd World knockoff wood? Are you testing this wood for safety? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Due to the fact this this is such rare, high-quality wood se cannot properly test it without risking damage, therefore the wood is only tested to Chocolate Ice Cream standards. As for the place of origin, rest assured -- this is the finest wood made in the United States. ...of India.
Q: Did Bush use Viraga to obtain this wood? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: The Republican National Committee is going to with-hold statement at this time.
Q: Can Democrats buy this wood? Or do we need to use one of the Democrat internets? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: You have to use the ones that Al Gore invented, I think this is one of those. Might depend on movie ticket prices where you live.
Q: You have mentioned January pie in reference to the offer of cheap wood. Can you confirm if this pie has been made higher? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: It's because the newest houses are printed on Freedom Fries.
Q: Does this wood come with a roll of duct tape? I don't know if just the wood would help from a terroist or his nuclear weapons. Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Duct tape is optional, will be included for $2 extra.
Q: Was this wood taken from the internets inside of the national parks that they are now drilling oil out of? I want some endangered species wood from this internets. Down with the national parks! Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Yes, this wood is 100% Grade A Destroyed National Park Grade. Bid with confidence!
Q: Is this the Internets that Al Gore invented? Iffin it happen to be so, how do UPS get through the modem port? Would that log me off? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: No, you have to get the wood outside the tables on January pie.
Q: When will we have a freedom of information sharing which will allow these internets to unite to provide wood from one omnipresent global coalition of internets? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: ...Freedom?
Q: I'd like to buy this item, but I can only find one internet here. How do I get to the other internets? Do I need to pay extra for that? If so, how much is it? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: Once again, you'll have to ask President Bush, we only know how to get to this one.
Q: I'd like more information about your wood. Is it large and hard, or small and soft. Is it straight or warped? What can I do with the wood should I win? Answered on Oct-08-04
A: You'll have to ask the President that, he's providing it.

!

May Ren and Stimpy Flashbacks commence. :)

What rolls down stairs
alone or in pairs,
and over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack,
And fits on your back?
It's log, log, log

It's log, it's log,
It's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
It's log, it's log, it's better than bad, it's good."

Everyone wants a log
You're gonna love it, log
Come on and get your log
Everyone needs a log
log log log

*whistle*
LOG FROM BLAMMO

:)

Current bid: US $1,200,100.00

and yes, the questions (and answers) are friggin hilarious

Am i seeing things??? There have been 61 bids on the piece of wood and it's now worth US $1,200,502.00!

see for yourself: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3845089354

hours ago (If I win, do I automatically become a good steward of the land) and ebay hasn't been able to deliver it heheheh

I bid is now at $11,000,099.00. As far as I know, don't you HAVE TO PAY for something when you bid on it? I doubt anyone will pay for this. Will the winner be banned for E-Bay when they win?

I wish I would have thought of it

Current bid: US $172.19

Time left: 2 days 7 hours
3-day listing
Ends Oct-11-04 19:57:05 PDT
Add to Calendar
Start time: Oct-08-04 19:57:05 PDT
History: 33 bids (US $5.00 starting bid)
High bidder: zuzuspetals222 ( 3 )


Item location: OAKTON, VA
United States

Ships to: United States
Shipping costs: (within United States)
Shipping and payment details

That's the sound you make when a candidate is falling down in the polls.

The picture's great, BTW!

give the Kerry quote that led to bushies outburst and bushies reply. I do not understand the significance of Kerry's remark and assume he was saying it for a reason. What was he trying to tell us?

Kerry's trying to put forward a tax plan that will benefit small businessmen rather than the rich (like Kerry, Dubya and high-flying journalists). He pointed out that under the current rules, Dubya is a small businessman and would benefit from the cut.

The real story is, though, that he said something unexpected and Dubya fell for it. It was a totally unscripted (at least on Dubya's side) moment and there's no way Dubya's handlers could have prepared him for it.

Kerry, yet again, made Dubya look like the complete idiot he is.

I agree - bushie did look like a complete idiot.