I'm so freaked out...

please forgive me, but I can't stop crying about Christopher Reeve. My stepbrother was in an accident back in July, and his neck was broken. He is now a quad on a vent. He's twenty-three fucking years old and has 2 year-old daughter. How do I deal with this? How do I help his father deal with this? How do I help HIM deal with this? I don't think I've cried this hard since it happened. I am at a serious loss, here. He - his name is Tim - is depressed and lethargic and is given to refusing treatment. He was recently hospitalized for bilateral pneumonia and a level(?) 3 bed sore. There are no easy answers ... I understand that. I just am not equipped for this kind of thing and it really sucks. :cry:

You can help them deal by letting them know that the fight will continue . And that Christopher Reeve passed away with dignity . His fight will continue ...

I don't know what else to say . The other week I saw footage of him breathing for the first time without the aid of a machine . He looked so happy .

that has dealing with this in your destiny.

My mom is crazy and my dad has a brian tumor, I think what you are going through is even worse than the cards I have been dealt.

All you can do is love and support them as much as possible, that's it. You have to give as much of yourself as possible without losing yourself in the problems you face.

Take some hot bubble baths and reward yourself when you can, don't feel guilty about it either, after dealing with something like this you deserve it.

Take a deep breathe and calm down, Christopher Reeves death is very sad, but it doesn't mean that their is no hope for you. He is loved and will be missed but if anything you should be inspired by the fact that he did not go gently into that good night.

We love you and you are in the thoughts of every person reading this post. We all are sending you good vibes and strength.

Take care,

:grouphug: :hug: :grouphug:

There is no way my situation is worse than yours. I wish I could hug you. You are incredibly strong. My biggest problem is that I wish I was closer to Tim before this happened - then I might not feel so powerless. He's a good kid - the proverbial "red-headed stepchild". My family has had a bit of a revolving door, so I've made a conscious attempt not to get too close to my siblings (lest they be gone tomorrow). I learned my lesson young. It's an odd situation ... but has never qualified as tragic, until now. Honestly, I am lucky by most counts. I think that I was just taken off guard by the CR news. My heart goes out to you. :hug:

I am so sorry about your brother.. It's no real comfort, I know, but anytime things like that happen there is bound to be depression.. Maybe he will start welcoming treatment..

A friend of mine has a quad son.. He was only 18 when it happened, and with care (and a lawsuit settlement) he has had good care, has married SINCE becoming injured, and has 2 kids.. It is possible for your brother to get better, it's just so very fresh..

Give him (and yourself) time..:hug:

which may not help, but Tim is young and remember this happened to Reeve quite a while ago. I am sending out all good energy that a cure, that an IMPROVEMENT comes our way. Keep hope alive for him, it's only been three months and of course his world as he knew it is gone. Love him all you can, give him space when he needs it, treat him like a human and don't show pity all the time, I am SO sorry for you. We're in a potentially marvelous age, it was too late for Christopher but it doesn't mean it has to be for Tim. PM me anytime, OK?

sincerely, CarolinaPeridot, SoCalDem, and plastic_turkeys. It's probably guilt that has me down (I usually deserve it). I very much appreciate the kind words and wishes ... and just maybe this will be a new chapter in my activism. :grouphug:

Thank you, too Melodybe! :hug:

This thing called life sucks sometimes, plain and simple. You be good to yourself and come here to blow off steam anytime.

in a physical therapy clinic while going to college. Such life-changing accidents cause one to go through the stages of grieving just like in death, but in the case of the living, the death of a lifestyle. First there is denial (everything is going to be okay), then anger (why did it happen to me) but then hopefully, acceptance of the cards life dealt you. Reeves successfully went on that trip and made a huge impact on medical science.

One patient I got to know was a muralist who fell from the ceiling of a cathedral where he was restoring religious murals. A few years later I saw him at an art festival doing beautiful oil paintings with a brush in his teeth (he was a full quad). He didn't give up (even thought I remember some trying moments with him when he would get stubborn during therapy). He enjoyed his family, was even a breadwinner once again with his art.

Another patient of mine was the father of the drummer, Paul Dennert, in a Hoosier rock band that played "surfer music" (hits like "California Sun" and "Rockin' Robin"). The father became involved in the son's music career and went to concerts as a #1 fan. He found that being a quadraplegic didn't stop him from supporting his son with encouragement and business advice.

just so you know (all of y'all) ... you've inspired me with your kind words and sentiments - so much so that I should be receiving my gold star soon. I love du ... not just for the politics - but for the people and I'm glad to be here!

I'm sorry to hear about you step-brother. It's not difficult to understand how the news about Christopher Reeve has affected you.

First, don't automatically assume your step-brother will die through similar cirumstances. No two cases of any medical condition are alike. It's important to be realistic and understand that it's a possibility, but understand on the other hand that it is not a certainty. The line between the two is very fine. It's perfectly normal to be experiencing the fear and uncertainty you're probably feeling in response to the Christopher Reeve story. Allow yourself to have those feelings and don't feel embarassed or guilty about it. Just don't let yourself get hung up on it, either.

Second, that's why I would inquire with your S/B's medical team or hospital to see if there is a support group for families/friends/caregivers of quad/para patients. To know that there are others who are going through the same things can help immensely. These types of groups are usually led by people who have "been there, done that" and can offer a lot of advice, experience and information. Most of all, they can offer a wealth of moral and emotional support.

Third, has your brother been assigned a social worker/therapist to help deal with the enourmous change in his life? This is all fairly new and he has every right to be depressed and upset, as do all of you who care for him. But speaking from experience, there is a time where you need to draw a line in the sand and say "I am not going to feel sorry for myself any longer." Please understand I am not saying your or your family should NOT be feeling down and depressed. I'm just saying that it's easy to continue down that path, and it helps to have a professional involved to say, "Okay...now what about TOMORROW."

Next, make sure you and your family members take time to enjoy their lives. Being a caregiver is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting, even when your loved one is in a medical facility. Please make sure to make time for yourself to live a normal life, even if it's just one weekend a month. You need to continue to live your life as well.

Godspeed and best of luck for you and your family.

I am so Sorry Pitt, I can understand how this has affected you. Things you have to remember are as follows: YOU DO NOT DESERVE GUILT!
Yeah, So what, you and He weren't that close before the accident, what's your Point? Yes, Life is fragile and there are times when you want to kick yourself for being a shit to someone, But in the end there is NO BETTER TIME THAN THE PRESENT! Also, He is young and he is Grieving... He will refuse care, He will have a bad attitude about everything, But his life was tragically changed by this accident, unfortunately, so was the rest of your family's. Sometimes people don't get it... if they refuse to do what they can for themselves, they can lose the ability to do anything for themselves. This will be a tough road to walk for all involved. He needs to get off his rear end more for the pressure sore, If that means hauling his ass out of bed yourself, then so be it. Pneumonia is the same deal, You have to BREATHE! I lost my Ex Brother in Law to a car wreck when he was 23...I can't imagine what he would have been like had this happened to him. With Chris Reeve passing on I can see where and why you would be in tears. You need to acknowledge those tears though, let them happen. Medical technology is making improvements by leaps and bounds, have faith that someday something WILL work. This isn't easy, I understand that, but in the end, you do what you have to, Ya know? Christopher Reeve was an advocate for all Spinal Cord Injury people, he gave the voiceless a voice. I am not downplaying how important he was, But in the same breath, there will be another Person telling his story. Something else... You have to take care of yourself. I mean HAVE TO! I know you are down, and this is distressing news to hear, You have to make the Best of it all... Finally, I want to add something else, and I wouldn't recommend this as a Cure... Sometimes People need to have stuff explained to them in a very harsh and Brutally Real way. I actually employed this strategy the other night with a pt that was refusing the get his Blood Sugar Checked. I stated in Very Real and Not Sugar coated terms what could happen to him, This guy is a hard case, But I think I opened his eyes a bit farther with the "shock and awe" speech I gave him. I felt bad doing it, But in the end, he allowed his sugar to be checked and he was given the right dose of Insulin. As for your Brother.... he has to move around as much as he can, Otherwise his Sore won't heal, he will lose ability, and he will be in worse shape than he is now. For you, My heart goes out to you... If you need me, You know where to look...you know, Behind the Rows.