Report on my first "first date" in 15 years.

Today was the big day. I woke up this morning and noticed something odd: No major zits had sprung up on my nose overnight. Was I actually going to get through this?

We went to see "Garden State" (which I had already seen, and loved) and then went to lunch.

My verdict on the day is complicated.

Before the movie started, we sneakily got to asking how old we were, and discovered that there was at least ten years difference between us. Certainly not a deal-breaker, but when her earliest memory of Nicholas Cage was "The Rock", that made me go hmmmmm....

The only really negative thing I can say is that there was no "spark". I will not be thinking of her obsessively over the next four days, and I doubt that she will be thinking of me.

In the end, I was left with the feeling that she was a nice, sweet, attractive woman who just wasn't quite right for me. I would be shocked if she did not feel the same way about me. If we had an opportunity to go out again, I would absolutely do it, under the same "rules" as the first date: no expectations. If we never go out again, it won't hurt.

My takeaways? Well, the very first person who I asked out on a date after the end of my marriage said "yes". That's batting 1.000, for now. I also am proud not to have forced anything, like a kiss goodbye. There will be nothing awkward in being friends with this woman, which could very well be a nice thing.

All in all, I'm slightly sad that this did not turn out to be "the one", but happy now that my definition of "the one" got a little clearer, and that I didn't hurt anyone to get there.

Does that make any sense?

Making friends with women is good...she may not be the one for you but she might have a friend who is...if she harbors warm feelings toward you, she'll be thinking of you when she meets someone that might be right up your alley...may as well go for the friendship...that's what's available from this one.

sounds like a good first
first date
in 15 yrs...

best wishes for whatever else life brings you in the dating dept... i remember being on a lot of first dates because i couldnt detect any spark either. and for me, spark and more were essential.

friends are awesome too for so many reasons

Somtimes things evolve. (and don't worry about the 10 year difference. Common interests and goals is more important)

Do we all need a dud date first in this situation before a good one? I'm so clueless. :crazy:

I have not been on a lot on "first dates". Most of my previous relationships evolved over time. This was the first near-total stranger that I have gone out on a date with.

So I got to thinking, how many "right" people can there by for one person? What are the odds that someone you ask out, who you barely know, is that "right" person?

My psychologist told my that you have to date 10 people before you find the "right" one. Maybe she's right.

Most of my past relationships (and I suspect any future) involved getting to know someone one way or another before we "date". I think once, years ago of course, I went out with someone I didn't know well. *Yawn.* He kept trying to call me for a few months after as well. (Borderline stalker) :scared:
Didn't work to say the least.

:evilgrin:

I'm the default date for my soon-to-be ex for this Chamber of Commerce formal dinner thingy. He's one of the management people for one of the town's biggest business, so he needs some arm candy. :( It'll get me out of the house anyway.

Now what will I do? Can't you explain to your soon to be ex that we ALL need some arm candy?

As I side note: I've realized lately how lucky I am to be in a situation in which both my ex and I know that we don't want each other back, and that we're OK with it. I wish that all marriages could end this way.

Good luck, Sarah. :-)

It's good that you had the nerve to ask (HINT HINT JOHNKLEEB), which is the hardest part lots of times.

Sounds like you approached this just the right way; I'm glad you had a good experience with it.

It sounds like a nice night and what I would expect. It has to be hard/ackward for you. The good news is that you are trading in for a new model, so don't worry about the age thing.


(and here come the flying knives) :evilgrin:

Keep dating, you'll find Ms. Right.

You'll know and she'll know. Yes, there will be a "right one". You and your wife split up with the utmost in respect for one another and you speak highly of her; this will be incredibly attractive to women you'd like to date. When I was single, if I even heard anything approximating, "My ex-wife was a total bitch," I ended the date and never took a call from the guy in question again.

Good luck, Finnfan, and I know it will go well.

Julie