I need advice..teen car trip

My 16 year old wants to go on a car trip over winter break. The weather is not great and she can expect frequent road closures. She has never driven for a long distance. Yes, she is paying her share by working for her money.

She has planned it with three friends. I like all her friends, but I know that these three, with my daughter leading, are rebellious. I would have been furious at my own parents if they were concerned about this, but I'm worried about four beautiful young women travelling alone without enough understanding of personal safety.

I would say no to the trip except I went on trips as soon as I turned 16. My husband went on road trips when he was 15 and a half. Since we shared our stories, I don't think I can say no. So I need advice on the rules. Have others done this.

Frankly, I was not allowed to go on road trips unless it was a surf competition and there was an adult supervisor when i was her age. We were allowed to go up to Mammoth to go skiing but there still had to be an adult.

There is a practical reason for that too. If they are injured or hurt in any way, they are minors.

They will stay with friends/relatives when they get there. It's pretty loose at this point. I'm trying to figure out exactly what rules I should impose.

That's about the worst hazard on that road. It can be treacherous, I'm not trying to downplay it, but it's not like winter in Chicago or anything.

If the fog is a big concern, you could request that they take the 101. It is a less frequented road, less big rigs, less traffic and FOG and snow or ice are usually not an issue as they are on the 5. Have her take a cell phone and call you mid-way through the trip to let you know they are OK. Ask them to leave early AM rather than at night so they are safer than they would be travelling at night and stopping at truck stops and rest areas and have her contact you when they reach their destination.

The 101 is a lot less frquented by big rigs than the 5...it takes about an hour longer but it is ten times prettier anyway...enroll them in going that route.

I would get clear on exactly WHERE they are staying, however.

My daughter is sixteen, soon to be seventeen,
and she is forbidden to drive on the freeways
here in Los Angeles. TOO many psychos out there.

I told her we can talk about it when she hits 17.

I would not be able to sleep if she were on such a
trip. Not because I don't trust her, she is very responsible;
it's the loonies running loose that scare me.

If your daughter is going to take this trip-
I would make sure she knows how to contact
highway patrol and identify her location
by mile markers- just in case anyone bothers
them, or God forbid, they have a flat tire
or engine trouble.
I would also make her call you every few hours...
That's what my daughter does and it really helps
my stress level.

Scary having a beautiful daughter, isn't it?
Whe men eye her on the street, it's all I can
do not to whack them upside the head and
yell, "That's my BABY you're drooling over, you pervert!"
On PMS days, I would shoot them if I had a gun...

BHN

THe CHP has appreciated it when I have called on other stranded motorists.

My boys are good kids. They did stupid things but not awful things until I let them go on a tennis trip. There was an adult leading but what I did not know was there was also a college student driving. I still probably would have said yes. I got the calls as soon as they got home. My oldest who was 17 at the time had purchased a BIG sling shot and paint balls before the trip. On the trip they amused themselves by shooting paint balls at cars on the highway. I never would have guessed they would do something this stupid but they did. Just something to think about and I would honestly worry about the girls safety. It is a hell of a thing when women are supposed to be equal and just as safe as boys but they are not when stranded somewhere. Just my 2 cents.

That would at least take the edge off of the car safety thing, and in a group - they would be less vulnerable (a they are not isolated because they are in a little group, and b) there are other folks around so if things got dicey there are adults - even if they are not tied to the girls - in the vicinity).

At 16 (with 17 year olds) I took a trip to Florida (from Indiana) but it was with a group of chartered buses from Indiana University (how smart was that - send the four high school girls with all the college students to Daytona Beach... hehe). Actually the transportation issue, thus was taken care of - and we were immediately adopted by some of the college students who ended up keeping an eye on us all week.

Every one of you have offered advice that I needed. I'm still not sure what I will decide but I love DU for the different opinions among many other reasons. I appreciatae any other advice. I will respond eventually but it may take awhile. I'm going offline soon.

Between everyone who would be taking the wheel, how long have each been driving? Have any of them had experience doing the long haul rode trip? Experience with driving in bad weather? Have you talked to the other parents and found out what their thoughts are on this? I think you are very right to be concerned. I don't have children, but I played one on TV. :) I remember 16, and remember what I was capable of doing (good and bad).

This sentence in your post leaps out at me:

"I would have been furious at my own parents if they were concerned about this, but I'm worried about four beautiful young women travelling alone without enough understanding of personal safety."

When you and your husband were doing road trips at that same age, the world was NOTHING like what your daughter and her friends are dealing with now. With headlines filled with stories like the Sund's, people being kidnapped from their cars, and other damn scary happenings, you are not being unreasonable is questioning whether a roadtrip would be wise for your daughter.

If you decide to let your daughter go, may I suggest that all the parents get together with the girls and have a casual meeting about the trip. Talk about rest stops, how the girls would handle a road emergency (flat tire, running out of gas) how often you want road calls from them letting you know their status, and generally what you expect of them during this trip. (My own Mom did this when I went to Europe at 19.) I would also make sure there is a fully stocked emergency kit in the trunk and that they all know how to use each and every item. And that someone carry a roadside service card.

They will roll their eyes and only half listen, but it may be enough should something happen to them on the road.

This is gonna be a tough decision -- good luck!

Hell

I sometimes think I'm buying into the RW paranoia but your post helps so much. It is a diffeerent world. I will implement all your suggestions. For me, it helps so much to know that I'm not insane and that it is a different world. Thanks

It's a different world from the 1960's. The crime rate went up quite high in the 70s and early 80s. So, if the comparison is to taking a road trip in the late 70s or early 80s, I really think the crime hazard is the same or lower nowadays. I DO NOT think it's worse now than in 1983 or sometime like that. It probably is worse than in 1963....

The hazard from big rigs is higher - there are lots more of them on the road.

I-5 is nothing but big rigs, and the Grapevine is not for the inexperienced. The 101 is more scenic but has its hazardous stretches too.

For your own piece of mind, consider the train.

I was 16 back in the late 1970s, and YES, there were bad things 'going down' out there even then. I think there are more big rigs on the freeways now, but as far as dangerous people, I kind of think it's the same or a little better than the late 1970s because the crime rate has gone down.

I personally didn't do any freeway driving until I was more like 19. I sure did my share of riding on Greyhounds, though! I think it would be better if there were someone who was 20-something with them. It isn't so much that I think they're going to run into anybody bad. It's more that I doubt they have a lot of experience driving out on the interstate for hours and hours, and dealing with things like speeding truckers and so on. Also, are they going to do urban driving in LA or are they going to stop in an outlying portion of the San Fernando Valley? Most of 101 going north to south is OK driving until about Granada Hills. They ya hit major, major league traffic all through the LA basin.

I would definitely take 101 as opposed to I-5. (Yes, I have travelled both, several years ago). Yeah, I'm familiar with Cali....hang loose, and !Bustamante!

it's a car trip that fits the family lore. My husband has talked about his car trips for years. I know he never meant to face this dilemma. I agree with all the posters who recommended the train trip, but it will not work in this situation. I know it is the most logical

My daughter was always planning trips in high school. Not one panned out. So I just started discussing them and hemmed and hawed alot. All the pros and cons. My concerns. Had she thought through all the contingencies. What about this and that. What do the other girls' parents really think. I never actually had to come down to saying yes or no because the trips always got cancelled a month or so before they were supposed to go anyway. Just an idea.

But I also never let what I did as a teen-ager influence my decision. I just said that's why I now know it was a stupid decision and I can't approve of her making stupid decisions, even if it's one I've already made. I usually try to find a better word than stupid. Unhealthy, unwise, dangerous, something. Never got alot of argument there.

On the other hand, my oldest is 26 and I've also learned things usually turn out okay.

by saying it might be ok to do this in the first place. I wouldn't let my kids get drivers licenses until they were 18. Mainly because in Texas if a kid gets a license, whether they drive or not, your insurance goes up $1200 (but I digress from the point here).

I just don't think any child is old enough, experienced enough, mature enough at 16 to go any distance out of town by theirself. There are a great many dangers/predators out there. I wouldn't even think about letting my 16 year old daughter go on a trip like that.

...all this is regardless of what I did and where I went when I was 15 or 16.