Thanks for the advice on the Springsteen albums

Thanks to everyone who helped me figure out how to further my education in the wonders of Bruce Springsteen. Last night I bough *The Wild, The Innocent, etc.* and *Greetings from Ashbury Park* and am enjoying both of them.

My friend Jay, who got us out to that concert in the first place, is getting a doctorate in religious studies, so to amuse him I wrote up the epistle below, which I thought some of you might get a kick out of. Enjoy.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder
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Dear Deacon Jay,

I am a postulant desirous of ordination in the Order of the Most Boss Brothers and Sisters of the Church of Bruce. I am diligently working on my daily devotions and my two hours of meditation on the mysteries of Bruce as I travel to and from my place of work have certainly increased my awareness and enlightenment. However, on certain particularly difficult questions of dogma I remain mired in worldly confusion and am concerned that I may be misled into adopting solutions which tend toward the heterodox. Please shine the light of your greater wisdom and knowledge on these mysteries, that I may understand:

* The tales of the miracles of St. Clarence of the Single Reed, beautiful as they are, at time strain credulity. My worldly senses inform me, for instance, that no single human being could have been responsible for the miracles of saxofabulousness that take place throughout "Rosalita." My hypothesis is that Bruce performed some sort of miracle of the saxes and reeds, and divided Clarence into six or seven people, all of whom are going to down during that track.

* I confess myself at a loss as to how to resolve the question of the name of the beloved. The texts are simply too much at variance. I have seen the beloved's name rendered as Wendy, Sandy, Candy, Bobby Jean, Mary Queen of Arkansas (not to be confused with St. Mary of the Thunder Road), and of course Rosie. Have the brothers ever determined which of these texts is definitive? Or are they all simply avatars of some other Unnameable?

* Despite countless hours of meditation and prayer, the text of "Blinded By The Light" remains an impenetrable mystery to me. Am I perhaps working with a corrupt translation? Indeed I have heard of a noncanonical text of the same gospel in which "douche" is rendered as "deuce." This is a significant variation. Which is correct? And even if it *is* deuce, what in the name of all that's boss does it mean?

I appreciate your attention to these matters of doctrine, and your patience in furthering my progress toward holy orders.

Sincerely,

A Bewildered Novice