Red Sox success spurs U.S. productivity, Kerry victory seen helping too

DENVER October 27 - In a streamlined but reliable poll today, Gallup interviewed one I.M. Bundbuster of Denver, who responded:

"I've been waiting for a Red Sox World Series win since 1953, and its likely reality has energized and inspired me to a whirlwind of activity. Just today I've completed chores put off for months - detailed my car, scrubbed the shower, toilet, and kitchen floor, re-potted plants, washed all my windows, and de-fragged my computer."

When asked about the upcoming election, Mr. Bundbuster replied:

"For the first time in 3 1/2 years I can feel the oppressive, suffocating evil of the bush junta lifting, my neighbors are stirring to life like bears after a long winter's hibernation, and I see America breathing, thinking, and working freely again after Nov. 2nd under a Democratic Administration."

When questioned on the dubious polling technique of interviewing only one person, a Gallup official said: "Since Mr. Bundbuster has spent at least one hour in each of the 50 United States, we are confident that he is an accurate reflection of the entire country's thinking."