Kerry loses. My wife tells me she wants a divorce.

Two unrelated events. I recently moved, and she and our daughter were supposed to follow.

Long story short, we've been having issues for awhile, and a bad phone conversation a few nights ago turned ugly. Real ugly.

She's unwilling to move here, and said that she want a divorce. She's been miserable and unhappy for a long time, and with me gone, she doesn't feel depressed at all. She's actually happy, said she can't stand me.

This is the shittiest week of my life.

But life goes on. One day at a time.

can help. There are lots of good listeners here.

I've really come to like this place and the people here.

:hug:

I hope that this suffering can lead you to joy.

unless the light is either a train or a semi.

Someone posted a thread like this earlier in the day, but it was as a joke, to try and put this election business into perspective. But to have this really happen is truly unthinkable, along with everything else that's going on.

I am so sorry. :hug: Best wishes from me.

Sorry to hear about that, m'man.

Divorces are painful. And it sounds like you're in a place you may not know well.

It's been raining since I moved here, we just bought a house that I will be paying on, and my daughter, who I miss terribly, is in Florida.

I'm drinking like a fish tonight.

I can only hope for the best for you guys.

I hope that some way it all works out alright.

I feel your pain. My wife and I recently split too. And now the election. A double whammy. Oh well. Life goes on. It'll get better.

I hope we can offer some support. :hug:

DU rocks!

....

Hugs,
Kim :hug:

This must be very hard on all of you. :cry:

I don't know how a custody fight would affect her.

I am more upset for her than for me. My folks divorced when I was a kid, and it still bugs me to this day.

Damn, damn, damn.

I posted last night husband wanted divorce as I'm too liberal.

Thought you were making fun of me with copycat post but see you are in pain.

Understand.. It's a REAL shitty week.

He doesn't deserve you.

he laid it down that he's sick of the negativity and doesn't want to hear any more of it after today. He's giving me one day to get over the election, and then he wants to talk about other things besides "negative" news all the time. I asked him how can one put a positive spin on negative stuff that is happening? I guess he just doesn't want to hear it. I feel like we're moving in different directions. I can tell I'm going to be spending more time on DU now.

I'm sorry to hear your story - that is some shit to have deal with at the same time as the election (democracy) letdown.

Her husband says she's overreaction. Luckily, we have friends who understand. :hug:

that we're here to listen, offer a hug, and say that give this some time. Things may look different or better tomorrow. Hard to hear right now, but still I offer it.

It can only go up from here. Take care.

BIG HUG

:grouphug:

Peace, and I am really sorry to hear that.

Where did you move to?

Ironically, we moved here because we wanted to be closer to our families. But they're still a half days drive away.

I haven't told them anything, anyway. Still hoping against hope.

Go out at some point and find some friendly Dems to commisserate with.... maybe that'll help, eh?

Sounds like you are in that general area. I went to high school there! And you went there from Florida?

(I just noticed your user name - I'm an ex-GOP'er too!)

Hang in there :hug:

look at these events as the beginning of a new life. I found marriage to be greatly overrated. Call your wife and tell her to proceed as quickly as possible. Then keep pressing onward and never look back or feel regret!

Thanks, I needed that.

:hug:

Maybe you can meet up with some DUers close by? It's so hard being on your own...


Take care of yourself.

I'm speechless, x. But we're all here for you.

:grouphug:

Something like that seems to push everything to the back burner. Especially with a young one involved.

Good luck
Keep the faith

to happen for you soon. You are being given a new start. Make the most of it. We can make what we want out of these things half empty or half full. Think of this as an opportunity! I am trying to convince myself as well as you. Bless you .

The only opportunity I am going to take advantage of tonight is that I can drink myself into oblivion, lol.

Sounds like you're dealing with something similar based on your post. I guess it will get better, it will just take awhile, I suppose.

and I'm not being glib. People are mourning the lose of the election, much as they do other major loses. There are similarities in how we deal with the death of a family member; the loss of a job; divorce; and other things with similar impact.

I'm sure that you have had some clues that things are not well between you and your wife for a period of time. Likely at least one of the two of you has entertained thoughts of separation for a while; thoughts of separation do not mean either of you had made any solid plans at all. Just part of the emotional divide.

It also creates a separation between the home environment you wanted to provide your daughter, and the new reality. This is remarkably hard. But there are options available to you that might make it better for both your daughter and you.

The first thing is that while you have a physical separation, and even an emotional one, you aren't divorced yet. You need to think about if there is any way to salvage your relationship. Generally, people should think of what first attracted them to their spouse/SO. If there is still a connection, then it can be worth patiently seeing if your wife may feel the same.

Other people find what first attracted them, now repulses them. Obviously, then things are beyond reconciliation. But people can still agree to place their children(s)' best interests first.

Many communities have "support groups" for men who are experiencing the same thing that you are. You may find this to be of value. Other people prefer talking to a therapist. Still others have their own informal support system. Whatever works for you, do it. But a word of advice: do not let emotions bottle up. Don't think that talking about problems is a sign of weakness. It's not -- it's a strength.

Men have lived with silly ideas of what being a tough guy is for too long in our society. Separation and divorce are extremely hard. That is more so when children are involved. Guilt and a sense of failing our children is very hard to deal with objectively on our own. So talk.

One last thing: guys tend to have feelings of "ending it" after a separation/divorce than any other time in life. Men who feel this should realize that it is a common experience to feel this way. But most guys find that feeling goes away relatively soon. Avoid drinking when you are depressed, and you decrease those feelings of hopelessness dramatically.

You will feel like shit for a while. But your life will get back on track.

I'll be talking with you, if you want.

I'm in no way "ending it". I am bummed out, but in no way suicidal.

When my work schedule allows it, I will look into a support group.

As far as the drinking advice goes, sorry, not tonight. I let the conversation with her go a couple of days thinking it might be rash words said at the height of anger.

They weren't, so tonight, I reserve the right to get loopy-ass shitfaced.

Thanks for the offer to talk.

Many years ago, when my first marriage ended, I had a period where I did a bit of drinking. Actually made me feel a little better. Myself and another friend in a similar position formed a men's group. Of course we didn't drink when the group met. But I remember a number of guys had a lot more trouble dealing with separations when they had drank.

You have such a unique screen name. I'm sorry this is happening. Try not to drink too much and drink lots of plain water if you do go blotto today! {{{Hugs}}}!

my damn washing machine broke in the move, and I haven't bought a new one yet. One more thing to add to the "shitty" category.

And I must be sober to do that. If I ended up with pink underwear to boot, it would jut be too much to bear, lol.

Maybe one of your "shitty" things will yield a new door or beginning.

I always read your posts when I run across them. You sound like a really decent guy. Somehow, I can't help but think your wife will regret losing you if it comes to that. Please know you can always count on your friends here at DU. This place is a Godsend for all of us right now.

And this place is a godsend.

What a week, indeed. Things can only go up, right? :hug:

I found out monday that I didn't get my dream job on monday. My school's football team lost our biggest game of the season on saturday. And, of course dipshit got reelected.

My week sucked pretty bad, but yours is worse. My heart goes out to you. I hope you have some good people around to help you through this. If you don't, you know that all of us DUers will try.

I just can't imagine what you're going through.

Your wife is the real loser, if you want my opinion - I remember when you started posting here, and how your screen name generated a few snarky posts from some of the more knee-jerking members. Your patience and graciousness even to those who were baiting you really made an impression on me. I'm confident that you'll be able to put those qualities to use during this trying time.

Hey, and if you're ever back in MN, give us a shout!

Man, you had a rough day. Hope things get better soon!

You have been an invaluable addition to this board, IMO. I'm very sad your
personal life has hit the rocks in this painful week. :hug:

Very much.