I fear I'm having an emotional breakdown.

I know the signs. I can't keep my temper under control. I keep having crying fits.

Last night after we lost the most important election in my lifetime, I couldn't take one more thing. That's when my toilet started overflowing and wouldn't stop. I ran across to the assistant manager's place. She contacted the manager and they said they couldn't do anything.

Apparently, the apartments are under new ownership and they had no money to cover a plumber. I managed to stop the flow with a plunger, but by then there was three inches of standing water on the bathroom floor and the hallway rug was soaked. The lady from downstairs came rushing up to see what the hell was causing her ceiling to rain.

I told the assistant manager it was so serious I didn't think I could handle it and she basically shrugged her shoulders.

"Fine," I said, breaking into tears. "Have water damage. And if I hurt my back, I'm going to sue the apartment complex." My temper is thinner than waxed paper right now.

I have herniated discs in my neck and another in my lower back. If it hadn't been for the lady downstairs, I probably would have just let the water sit and let the new owners repair the water damage I couldn't clean up because of my disability. But because I didn't want the lady downstairs to suffer, I waded into the cold, disgusting water and used a broom and dustpan to bail water into the tub. As I worked, my back hurt more and more. I started shivering, but it had nothing to do with the cold. Here I was, helpless to clean up a mess...and my country had just died.

I couldn't help but project into the future...the shrubbies won't want someone who is disabled. They're going to cut off my disability and subsidized housing...I just know it. And I will not live with my mother again. I'll fucking die first.

I stood there, sobbing convulsively, bailing water, hurting, feeling helpless. "I've lost my country...I've lost my country...I've lost everything. I don't have any friends who can help me and my family are theocratic fascists...My country...my country...goddammit, my country is dead! And I can't even clean up this fucking mess!"

Finally, I had to knuckle under to the pressure and call my mother to help me. Doing so nearly killed me on the inside. I want so badly to get away from her, but she is tied to me because of my disabilities. I hate her self-righteous, right-wing, fundamentalist view of the world. And right now I hate her for voting for Bush.

She arrived to help, but I couldn't stop sobbing and hyperventilating. She had no clue why. I didn't want her there, but I had no choice. She doesn't know that if I could I would leave her and this sad, red county behind forever. I have to suck up. I have to do and say things I don't feel. I am a liar. I present a false face to save my own sorry hide. I'm useless. The shrubbies don't want me. They're going to turn me out on the streets because I WILL NOT live with my fascist family.

This election has killed me, I fear.

Alone I stood against fundamentalism and the Republicans, with only a few acquaintances in the Dem Club. And we LOST. I LOST. My fate is in the hands of the shrubbies and my shrub-loving family.

I feel so empty and hollow. I'm turning into a misanthrope. I only want to be around other liberals, but there aren't many here and none I know well enough to confide in.

Every night I dream of the Republican fundy friends who abandoned me when I rejected their narrow-minded views. On some level I miss them, but hate them for what they've done.

Tonight, my temper is flaring and I can't stop crying. My counselor recommended an inpatient stay in the psych ward. Been there. Done that. That place is a hell hole and the psychiatrist is one of THEM, if you know what I mean. She's a fundy and probably a Bush voter.

Is my razor-thin temper normal? Or am I going to have another complete breakdown? More shock treatments for me? Oh, joy!

Lonely...so lonely, but so full of mistrust, I eye everyone with suspicion. I do everything alone. I eat alone. I go shopping alone. I go to movies alone. I actually enjoyed snorkeling alone. I could block out the words of people...didn't have to listen to them

I can't block out their conversations in restaurants. It seems I usually sit next to fundies praising their church and Bush. Why can't I live on the coast where people are SANE, for Christ's sake?

shut off the inflow valve

I wasn't thinking clearly and I didn't want to step into the water. :( But it turned out I had to anyway.

Like I said: not thinking clearly. All bunged up on the inside.

that is an incredibly insensitive response to a person who is pleading for help

Check your PM in a minute or so....

We may be 3000 miles apart but be assured when ever you need me, I'll be there. :hug:

all normal reactions to what has happened. It can affect you in bad, bad ways. I would think the best thing to do would be to try to avoid the news for a bit...listen to AAR, talk to like-minded people...and as for

'Why can't I live on the coast where people are SANE, for Christ's sake?'

Can't you make that happen? I talked to more people who plan to move to Mass. and NH than I can shake a stick at. I'm thinking of ya.

We're SERIOUSLY blue, doncha know?

Listen, I have turned into a bit of a recluse myself. AND, I had the same reaction last night...just started losing it. Been shouting at my fiance, my son, etc. Only way to cure this is to FIGHT BACK. Can you donate to Bev Harris's Fraud Fund? I just did. Made me feel a whole lot better.

Call the DNC headquarters and shout at them, tell them we expect our "party leadership" to help. I did. Made me feel a whole lot better.

Find some productive way to take out your anger and frustration.

I feel sorry for you--having one of these "moral" people for a mother who can't offer you the unconditional love you need and deserve. If it were me, I'd tell her how I feel. Of course, I don't depend on mine. I know it makes a difference.

We were robbed.

This was an important election true, but the one in 2006 is now extremely important and less then 2 yrs. from now and we need you still.

We can't let the GOP get a Super Majortiy. If they get that then they can do ANYTHING they want and not enough dems will be there to stop them.

Mourn for sure, but this was only one battle in a MAJOR war. And we have real values on our side. Not false value like theirs.

Gotta donate to Bev Harris...and all that.

I can't watch news at all anymore. It will just set me off. When the media starts blaming us for not having the right values, I shoot my TV. I don't want to see the face of that turd either.

I had my "meltdown" tonight as well. I was doing the dishes and I just started hyper-ventilating. I felt like there was no oxygen going to my brain at all.Images of smug, smirking George and Laura Bush walking across the stage to make a speech flashed through my head, trying to decipher his press conference this afternoon. What the hell just happened? I am still in shock. You are not in this alone!

same boat...back, disability, freeper Mother, who seems to do the whole bit except for the fundie stuff...but the psychosis is the same...They want to control everything.

I've decided to get out more. I'm thinking of getting involved with our local "Peace Aware" organization....I need to be with progressives.

Try to find some sort of group like that....maybe an environmental group
or any group that will have a lot of progressive people.

And, of all the churches I can think of...the Unitarian Universalist Church attracts good people...I'm not a churchgoer, but was raised Unitarian and have touched base over the years...

I broke into tears with a Fedex man yesterday. Today, the paper came with an "IT'S BUSH!" headline and I literally ripped it apart. We're all ready to blow, you are not alone.

It's not really that weird. Lots of people are having one. I started before Kerry conceded.

Five stages:

1. Denial
2. Bargaining (you try to get control--as in the post-mortem threads you see)
3. Anger
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

The stages do not have to go in this order necessarily, and you can flip back and forth through them.

I'm sorry you have back problems. I have them from time to time, but nothing like your problems.

Geez, though, if the people there bother you so much, why don't you move?

Cindy

think i'll lock @ #3 for a VERY long time!

Can you believe it? A Stephen King novel I'm reading is less scary than four more years of Bush* and complete Republican control. I'll use it to get to restful sleep.

I want to talk to all of you, to those who PM'd me and I will.

I need sleep now.

Good night.

I am so glad you are not numb. It is so easy to become numb, but that is merely a way of turning anger inward, so it becomes transformed into depression.

I have read many of your posts and think I know something of what kind of person you are. What you are feeling is normal, for you understand deeply the gravity of the situation.

But you must keep up your strength, and you must retain your focus. Feelings, once experienced, have done their purpose ... borne their message. Your feelings have drawn the map of your purpose. Now (and man this is easier said than done) you must release them, without surrendering your purpose.

We can not overindulge in our experiences of regret, recrimination, fear, anger ... we have work to do, and it is work you must participate in ... you must because that is the sort of person you are.

Stronger feelings, like those we are now feeling, have to be released more than once. I myself cannot resist grabbing them up again, and that means I have to drop them again. But that interferes with the work to be done, so we must take the exercise of releasing them seriously.

Indulge yourself a bit. Seek a sensual pleasure ... a fine glass of wine, a good meal, scented candles ... whatever works for you. And keep checking in here at DU for it is obvious to me you have many friends here.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x1943077

All I can say is we have to make it through and I feel bad for you. I called the crises center at my College. Do you have a crisis center at your College?

:hug:

But my post count is too low.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

:hi:

to your user name? JK!

I'm adding my hug to the others. Isn't it awful when horrible events pile up? UGH!

We are all wound tight, but saying that, we are all tightly bound -- to each other.

If you need me, I'm just an email away. I promise to be present for you, to listen, NOT to judge, and to hold you in your hour of need.

Frank Zappa - Flakes

Flakes! flakes!
Flakes! flakes!
They dont do no good
They never be workin
When they oughta should
They waste your time
Theyre wastin mine
Californias got the most of them
Boy, they got a host of them

Swear t-god they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t-god they got the most
At every business on the coast
They got the flakes

Flakes! flakes!

They cant fix yer brakes
You ask em, "wheres my motor? "
"well, it was eaten by snakes..."
You can stab an shoot an spit
But they wont be fixin it
Theyre lyin an lazy
They can be drivin you crazy

Swear t-god they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t-god they got the most
At every business on the coast
Take it away, bob...

I asked as nice as I could
If my job would
Somehow be finished by friday
Well, them whole damn weekend
Came an went, frankie
Wanna buy some mandies, bob?
an they didnt do nothin
But they charged me double for sunday

You know, no matter what you do,
They gonna cheat an rob you
Then theyll send you a bill
Thatll get your senses reelin
And if you do not pay
They got computer collectors
Thatll get you so crazy
til your headll go through the ceilin
Yes it will!

Im a moron, an this is my wife
Shes frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got heres
American made
Its a little bit cheesey,
But its nicely displayed
Well we dont get excited when it
Crumbles an breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some flakes
They rush on over
an wreck it some more an we are so dumb
Theyre linin up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yersterday afternoon
The plumber he says
Never flush a tampoon!
This great information
Cost me half a weeks pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day-ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day
Woo-ooo

We are millions an millions,
Were coming to get you
Were protected by unions
So dont let it upset you
Cant escape the conclusion
Its probably gods will
That civilization
Will grind to a standstill
And we are the people
Who will make it all happen
While yer children is sleepin,
Yer puppy is crappin?
You might call us flakes
Or something else you might coin us
But we know youre so greedy
That you'll probably join us

Were coming to get you, were coming to get you
Were coming to get you, were coming to get you
Were coming to get you, were coming to get you
Were coming to get you, were coming to get you

to your user name? j/k!

I'm adding my hug to the others. Isn't it awful when horrible events pile up? UGH!

We are all wound tight, but saying that, we are all tightly bound -- to each other.

If you need me, I'm just an email away. I promise to be present for you, to listen, NOT to judge, and to hold you in your hour of need.