I think I'm officially a bachelor again.

I had two (count 'em - TWO!) toasted cheddar and mayonnaise sammiches for dinner tonight. That's right. No steenkin' veggies. No "silverware." And fuck yeah, it was served on a paper towel, one sammich right there on top of the other, in all it's bachelor-chow glory. In front of the TV. With a beer. OK, two beers.

Any other ways one might know one's officially a bachelor again?

I'd say that's a pretty clear sign!

Dead giveaway

more absorbent! How you gonna deny a guy the efficiency factor?

Oh yeah - that's right, ladies. I'm this much of a dork, and I don't even have an engineering degree!

in the refridgerator?

was that in browsing through the reply subject lines, it said "drastic masturbatory increases... my husband STILL does that!"

And here I go fucking up the whole moment by pointing it out. Some of those philosphers heavy into aesthetics might have something to say about that.

are you a philosopher? Or are you a manifestation of KRS1 -and 2 extra points if you know what I'm referencing.

We don't need no steenking points, anyway! I have a degree in philosophy, and all I really remember from it is hating the fucking gasbags who liked to talk with big words where little ones would suffice and say dead people's names alot as if it meant they had something worthwhile to contribute to the world by knowing names and big words. And I fucking HATED how they almost always managed to avoid horrendous run-on sentences in THEIR drunken stupors.

;-)

the bastids!

All he wants to eat is Chocolate. He'll sit up until 5AM eating Count Chocula and playing Xbox in his undies.

Sigh...

I don't play video games, and I've never been a big fan of the breffus cereal. I mean, sure, there's the mixed nuts and beers, and of course the porn, but you know, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do and all?

:P

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when I quit checking to see if the toilet seat was down in the middle of the night.

Not bad for having been without a properly functioning "ignore" feature for as long as it's been. ;-)

If so, I would definitely say you are a bachelor!

Giggity!

I am sawy.... Oh and for the record, a foreman grill makes a mean cheese sammich - :P

in about 59 posts

;-)

The last time the dishes were done was.....


Those were a couple of big cluebirds for me.

That, and waking up alone every day.

then I'm a bachelor, even though I'm a woman.

Is a dead give away, if it's out on the coffee table you are a bachelor and have no hope of finding a mate.

you still fart just as much, but the only other soul in the house to torment with it is the dog, - and he doesn't actually mind.

You find it doesn't much matter to you if you're wearing your underwear three days in a row and it has massive tears where the waistband is coming away from the business portion.

It does not seem relevant if you have Wheaties covered in beer for dinner.

The idea of making a sandwich out of frozen pizza layered on a sourdough round seems clever to you.

You've stopped cutting your toenails.

You're spending more money on meals, but you never seem to have anything to eat in the house. Except cold pizza, beer and Wheaties.

common misconceptions about men, and about me in particular.

Point one: Farting is not about the smell, or tormenting anybody. It's about the funny noise. Nothing else. Unless it's really, really rank - that's kinda cool.

Point two: Underwear?

Point three: No breffus cereal. Single men prefer prepackaged foods that taste of meat.

Point four: What's a sourdough round, and are they big enough for the really big frozen pizzas?

Point five: Never! I chew them off in my sleep.

Point six: There's lots to eat in the house. It's just that it's prepackaged crap, and it tastes of meat.

;-)

Point one: Farting is not about the smell, or tormenting anybody. It's about the funny noise. Nothing else. Unless it's really, really rank - that's kinda cool.

One day you'll have to meet my eldest brother, Tony...his scorch-marked Jockey shorts and the phrase that inspired all of us to excel at track and field: "Fear my shorts!!"

Point two: Underwear?

See above.

Point three: No breffus cereal. Single men prefer prepackaged foods that taste of meat.

Very well then, beer and Meaties. Same basic difference.

Point four: What's a sourdough round, and are they big enough for the really big frozen pizzas?

You bet.

Point five: Never! I chew them off in my sleep.

This explains much about 'morning breath.'

Point six: There's lots to eat in the house. It's just that it's prepackaged crap, and it tastes of meat.

So, you're saying that if single women really want to get a guy salivating after them, they should toss out those flowery perfumes and rub themselves in bacon?

:hi:

I'm getting ready to go to bed, just checking through the Lounge one last time, and someone goes and makes a comment that makes me think of weird German porn:

"So, you're saying that if single women really want to get a guy salivating after them, they should toss out those flowery perfumes and rub themselves in bacon?"

:P

When the pubic hairs accumulate until you think you've gotten another dog, then you're officially a bachelor.

I manscape, then? Dunno - might lather & scrape away the blues. And hopefully not much else.

:P

but you will rarely clean, so the hairs will accumulate over the months you don't bother to do the floor or the back of the toilet. Ewg.

That way it'll only be the unfortunate splashovers that plague all men nastying up the immediate commode area.

because the only time you ever use it, you're clean.

SKip and I do that when he doesn't want to do dishes. hehehe
Duckie

It's better with real mayo than with miracle whip, but that's not entirely bad, either. The cheddar was a treat. I usually have 'em with slices of murkan cheese (ewwwww!), and those are tasty, too.

:loveya:

Alright!

(not frozen) in the fridge is often a tell tale signe... of so I have noticed...

And weren't you and Dolo Amber supposed to get married? Or am I thinking of somebody else? :shrug:

It's just prolly best we don't bring that subject up now lest I get myself shitcanned from DU for pissing vinegar. ;-)

In the "misery loves company" department, not too long ago liberalhistorian and I mutually decided to split up. It was a combination of the physical distance between us, our respective schedules being too busy to allow us to finally meet, and our both just having gotten good jobs in our respective states. It was an amicable split, but a split nonetheless. :cry:

:hug:

Usually, if I need to set my sandwich down, I can balance it on the top of a couple of empty beer bottles. But most of the time I just take it with me to the bathroom.

Step 1: Run to the bathroom! Raise the toilet seat!

Step 2: Step back and admire your handiwork. (No-not THAT!)

Step 3: Return to your duty station (the couch) and if, after fifteen minutes have passed, there are no howls of female outrage, then yes! You are a free man again.

Congratulations and condolences.

Seek me out for advice on how to hide your barbarism from potential dates should you land one.

n/t