It HAS all been a crazy dream...Dean Wins Presidency

DEAN WINS!
The incredible story of how Howard Dean became President of the United States.



by Tom Gogola - November 4, 2004
Also see cover art
PAUL HERIOT ILLUSTRATION
You had to be there: Garofalo, Dean and Affleck party like rock stars on election night.
In what is being called the most stunning election-day upset in American history, Howard Dean was elected president yesterday by a margin of 274 to 264 electoral votes.

President George W. Bush and his campaign strategists immediately called the results into question, and vowed a fight. Karl Rove was so unhinged by the defeat, he strangled a jackalope to death at the Bush compound in Crawford. "We won the popular vote!," the doughy political guru screamed at CNN's Wolf Blitzer, as Donald Rumsfeld attempted to subdue him with a hammerlock move. "That's not how democracy is supposed to work! Goddamned electoral college traitors! We'll see you in court! The Supreme Court."

Even with a promised legal tussle ahead of them, it was a night of celebration for Dean and his supporters. As Nevada pushed the electoral-vote tally in Dean's favor at 11:47pm EST, a moment indicated by a panicked furrowing of Dan Rather's brow, the scene at the former Vermont governor's campaign headquarters in Burlington could not have been more orgiastic had Bacchus himself been onstage singing "It's Getting Hot In Here," instead of a shirtless Al Gore. Carol Moseley Braun, bombed on Cristal, was spotted french-kissing Bill Bradley, then disappearing into a smoke-filled room with him. Campaign guru Joe Trippi swaggered around in a leather g-string, swigging from a bottle of Jack Daniels as two Smith girls smeared his chest with VapoRub and implored him to "drop E with us, baby." Muslim-American women ululated with abandon, though they did not partake of the liquor. The President-elect's wife, Dr. Judy Steinberg Dean, passed around nitrous masks to dozens of giggling Deaniacs, many of them stripped down to nothing but their sports bras and J. Crew skivvies (some wore rep ties). A fully nude Ben Affleck was doing push-ups in the middle of the dance floor as dozens of Homosexual Redneck Prairie-Dog Killers--a key Dean constituency--clapped with joy. Janeane Garofalo swung from a chandelier clad in naught but a bowtie--stolen, she bragged, from Tucker Carlson.

<SNIP>



http://newhavenadvocate.com/gbase/News/content?oid=oid:88219

Sigh...if only

At least I hope the author intended the reference to the series finale of Newhart. That's too delicious!

:)

I had my heart broken twice this campaign season. Ah, well -- it is funny.

:9 :9 :9

That is all I can say. Thank you.

Otherwise it's awesome. :hi:

When the opposite was true! :hi: