|
My lord, it was such a trying day for me! At the jeweler's, they kept trying to fix the clasp to my pearl necklace, and there was this really scary-looking man who kept asking me if I wanted a different type of "pearl necklace" and he kept looking at me in a very lecherous way. My heavens! I about hightailed it out of there when that man licked his lips like he had seen a Baked Alaska that he wanted to eat.
Those Eyetalians really should keep their eyes to themselves, don't you think, my dears? Anyways, Betsy's been having trouble with her boyfriend from the Republican club because he keeps uttering these subversive ideas about how President Bush really isn't a conservative. Something to do with the national deficit, I think. Teehee, who cares about a deficit anyway? I quite have run up a few myself at the local boutiques in town. Aren't those ankle-length skirts to die for? I wanted to let the skirt up a few inches to show my calves, but my boyfriend, George, thought I shouldn't do that because he didn't want my calves to attract untoward attention.
Oh! Another bit of scandalous news! My friend Rachael, that spunky Jew, is on birth control! I can't believe she didn't stay with the pull-out method! You know that's worked for me for the past few years with George. You'll never know what the world is coming to these days with women like Rachael getting on birth control---they'll actually want to be President! *gasp* Can you imagine that horror? Female Presidents would be horrible at war because you know we're born to be nurturing mothers.
I really do hate these liberal college professors. One in one of my classes actually called President Bush an "exalcoholic cokehead draft dodger!" I about died when he disgraced our President like that. The nerve of that professor! We should never criticize our leaders, don't you think? Besides, I'm sure that President Bush can lead us by killing some more of these heathens over in Iraq. I've thought about being a Christian missionary so I can teach those Iraqis that Allah isn't God. And that they should not have several wives also--can you imagine that? Seven wives? Those heathens are so filthy too--they're so brown all over!
I should go now for my manicure appointment. My nails need some refurbinishing after fending off that dirty Eyetalian's advances. Ugh, women like us should NOT mix with these filthy minorities. You don't want to become liberal like them and get on birth control! Think about the sensory deprivation our boyfriends would be getting if they were using condoms---the poor things. I'm so glad that the pull-out method is 100% foolproof!
|