Good lord what do I do? I've been asked out for the very 1st time...

Ok, normally I'm sure this is a momentous and joyous occasion for a gal to be asked out buy a guy for the first time at my age...14. My mother even went on her first date at my age. Problem is, I ain't like that. Tonight proved that.

There's a guy I met a couple weeks back in my Biology class. He's really anti-Bush, religion, a...ugh...football player, and a Democrat. I just happen to walk into Biology tutorial today and he was there, so we discussed various things, from the Iraqi people to George Carlin. Me being the cynic and anti-social smart ass I am, I was making jokes a lot, because that's what I do. Maybe he thought I was flirting or something...but then he says, "Has anyone ever told you you're really smart?" And I respond with something smart ass-y comment cause that's just me. I've always done it to distance myself from people. Then he asked me what I was doing Friday, and nervously, I replied marching band, which is true. Then tonight he IMed me and asked about Thursday, and I didn't respond, cause I knew now he was asking for a date.

So for the past 3 hours, I've been in this catatonic state of fear and "holy shit". I just don't know what to do, and I'm confused, and I don't know how to say no and stuff...y'all are so great, can you help??

then go out. Go grab a meal and a movie together. It'll be fun.

And you don't have to look at it as a date--you're expanding your circle of friends.

:-) Good luck!

he sounds like a nice guy. Not all football players are jerks.

If you're 14, that's just on the edge of doing "real date" stuff. Do you have mutual friends you could all go out with, say bowling or something like that?

Anyway, congratulations. And if you are in fact a 14 year old girl, I apologize for the dog boner threads :)

:D

YOU changed yer name, too?

Sigh... it's a whole new world...

high school and college. I've seen him bench press over 500lbs before (though he's probably in the 400 range now), and he's never used steroids in his life. He's also a very intelligent (engineering major), nice, funny guy. He's very social and good with people. He's definitely not a jerk at all.

with him forever

Ok, seriously here... First off, don't spaz. I spazed my first date, and I felt like an idiot. A date doesn't have to be anything more than a plan to hang out for a few hours somewhere. Lob the ball back at him, and ask what he had in mind.

i could see that if he said "you're really pretty." but he said smart. that is incredible. go out with him.

one i have no time and to me it seems pointless. I've talked to him maybe a total of two times...it's just really awkward.

It's important to meet people and develop good relationships. I would say it is just as important as getting a good education. Most teenagers tend to feel awkward about these things. You just have to do it and get over your awkward feelings. If you think the guy seems nice and is interesting, don't pass up the opportunity to go on a date with him. You might regret it later in life if you do. The point of the date is for you both to find out more about each other and have fun anyhow. There's no harm in that.

BTW, I used feel the same way when I was your age (I'm 25). I know I probably would have enjoyed high school much more if I wasn't so uptight about the dating thing. It really isn't such a big deal at all.

If you're not ready - say no. Say it nicely but do what makes you feel comfortable. There is no shame in not being ready yet - you're *ONLY* 14. There is plenty of time to date.

:) Take your time.

A kiss is but a kiss,
a sigh is just a sigh ... the fundamental things in life apply, as time goes by!

Hey, a date is just a date, right? If you don't feel comfortable that's fine, but many people get nervous about them, even after being experienced.

If you "date" you get to find out more about various people. That way, you can find out what you like and don't like so that your choice for a "steady" is more informed.

What would it hurt to go out and just have a good time?

being 4 years older and of the opposite sex. I think you should go out with the guy, he seems nice enough and cool too. You should really consider it, I still do wish things were the other way around where girls have to ask guys out but thats just me being frustrated. Go for it, you really should, you might have a good time, and I can't blame you for being uneasy about this. Good luck on this.

I didn't start dating until I went to college. I was 20 when I got my first date...ever.

Now, I'm 22, and I'm still "learning the ropes" of dating. I should've been at this stage at 16, if it weren't for me being highly sheltered by my parents. :grr:

I haven't even told them, and if i do...someone is going to the ER. They'd hunt down his parents and crucify them.

If you like him, go out with him. Just be yourself. That should be easy enough.

My youngest son was a football player, and IS (and always was) a gentleman.. Every girl he ever dated is still friends with him..(He's engaged now)

The casual thing is a good idea.. Go somewhere that is public..Bowling is always fun.. Lots of guys who are great at PHYSICAL sports are terrible bowlers..and you can laugh at each other and have a good time..

It might be a good idea to meet him there...that way you are in control of the transportation thing..and it might make your parents more comfortable too..

There's always a place to sit and have a bite to eat and talk to each other too..

or...

a group activity is nice too.. If someone has a big house and their parents are ok with it, why not get 7 or 8 other friends (his and yours) over for a barbeque after band practice??


Just keep it casual and friendly.. You have PLENTY of time for the "hot & heavy"..(From a MOM :)..)

I missed the age difference..The closer he is to YOUR age, the better.. What a 14 yr old does NOT need is a 17-18 yr old "boyfriend"..

It's a recipe for D I S A S T E R !!!!

Sorry, for some reason that made me chuckle.

I say go have yourself a good time... if you think he's a decent fellow, there's no harm.

But if you decide to put on some romantic music, I don't recommend John Philip Sousa. :7

You're only 14, enjoy being a kid, there is plenty of time to date. You sound mature and like a thinker, but still, I don't see the point. Hang out with a group of friends.

I'm impressed. You seem to be very bright, articulate and mature.

As for advice...I agree with what a lot of the others here have said. If you like him, go out with him. It doesn't have to be a heavy date-you could meet him someplace for pizza or something.

If you don't want to go out with him just tell him "no". You can tell him the reason that you don't want to but you are not obligated to give anyone a reason for not wanting to do something. I'm not saying you should be rude or hurt his feelings (he sounds like a nice guy) but the reason most people have a problem saying "no" is that they feel they need to justify it.

Good luck, and if you do go, have fun!

You have nothing to lose by going out and hanging out one time. By the way, I'm sure many more will be IMing you. Many men LIKE smart women especially smart men!

i can call you a kid cause i`m 57 yrs old...go out with him for a few hours Thursday or Saturday night-nothing big time. get to know each other and see what happens-you just may find a good friend..hey you are 14- no funny stuff...well young lady from the looks of your website you have a very bright future ahead of you..remember no matter what-always have fun....

what was wrong with asking someone ON a date?

I can't keep up with the lingo :)

anyway, advice: do as I do; never go to them, let them come to you. this is actually the secret to happiness/self-realization/immortality/blahblahblah.

I wish I was lucky enough to know this when I was 14!

oh yeah, and despite your apparent maturity, I think 14 is too young an age to start dating.

edit: butterfingerz

We're talking about one of their moms drving them to a movie and picking them up 2 seconds after its over.

On second thought, I don't see the harm.

Still, why don't people ask eachother ON dates anymore?

There's some serious semantic buggery going on here, I tell you.

before you make a DATE commitment.....dating must be scary

I mean, it probably took him forever to work up the balls to ask someone out. It might be his first time asking a girl out as well. No matter how cool a guy thinks he is, that first time asking someone out is utterly terrifying whether you're 14,18 or 22. And YOU left him hanging.

I say go out with the guy one time and give it a whirl. Keep it simple. It's not like you're going to end up in the back seat of a car, fogging up the windows. This is as harmless as dating will get, dear. Take advantage. Get your feet wet.

...as your avatar shows, and my avatar shows, this should be proof conclusive for her, that football guys rock!!!

Speaking in a purely non sexual way, watching DC and Randy play ball gives me "wood".

What an offense!

...if only Randy's hamstring would get better.:grr:

C'mon Randy!

Simply be honest. Nothing is worse than dancing around and making excuses to save someone's feelings--it never does, and it either continues the need to make excuses, or pisses them off.

As you are only 14, you may not feel ready now. That is acceptable.

If you think you cannot however, sound rational telling the truth, you may want to examine whty that is, and reconsider.

I'm 38 and divorced, and have sworn off of relationships because I never get honest answers. Follow my advice, and when you do go out, you will be a "keeper".

just want help with something.It might not be a date. If you like him at all, and it sounds as though you could, ask him what he wants. If he just wants to go to the movies or something, go. But only if it is something you would enjoy doing.If he wants some help with a project, you must consider if you want to be that generous with your time. Either way ,you must ask him what he wants or why he is asking and give him an honest response.Remember, it may be hard for him to ask you as well. Don't invest too much time worrying. He has already done the difficult part for you.You just have to resolve what you want for yourself. Whatever your decision, have a wonderful time!
P.S. I'll tell you a secret, when I was your age, and blush, even in college, I wouldn't date a football player at all because I thought they were all dumb jocks, and I was an intellectual. It is only now, many years later, that I learned not all of them are stupid. Yours sounds like a really nice guy and you are very nice to give him the benefit of the doubt.
P.S.S I actually know George Carlin. He is a family friend so maybe you can impress him with that. It is sort of the Kevin Bacon thing! Six degrees of seperation. That makes it only three for you and Carlin!

If not... don't do it. Just because you've been asked out on a date, you don't have to accept. You're 14? If you turn down this one... you'll be asked again.

How do you turn someone down? Tell the truth. Nicely. Let him know how you feel. "I'm not interested in dating anyone right now." That's pretty well it. You don't need to justify it. You could add that you would be amenable to hanging out with him if you're so inclined.

anyway, that's the advice of this old lady. Good luck. :hug:

It would be a shame to stereotype someone because of a sport they play. Liberals should look past that stuff. Good people come in all forms. Transcending cliques is one of the hardest things to do in high school, but it is rewarding.

Do you like the guy? If so, give it a shot. Congrats!

A one on one date can be a little awkward (especially at 14). He sounds nice, though. How about seeing if you could get a few other friends to go?

She goes out in groups, as it's just my opinion that she's still too young...getting the hang of high school, that sort of thing. Maybe you could go out in a group to a movie. That would surely lessen the "stress". I applaud your maturity and only hope that somewhere out there today, my daughter is behaving in the same manner. :hug:

This growing up stuff really sucks...for all of us. ;)