letter to * Re: God's Law

Just got this in an e-mail so n/l.

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them:

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify?  Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an
abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I havea defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27.  How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev.20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

in the face of this "moral values" ruse, whilst we're commiting massive genocide in Falluja. At least, it made me laugh for a change.

but you know what makes it even better? the accidental smilies. that makes it hiLARious

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

am sort of a cyber idiot. Have no clue how those smiles happened and have never used them intentionally. Kind of surprised me too.

LOL

you had :whatever (book/verse numbers) and it read them as smilies... the only way to avoid that is to click the check box in the message format section of the post page. but like i said, its funny:)


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

so too. Especially the placement of them.

Thanks for acknowledging so astutely that it was totally accidental.

The :9 smiley is perfect!!!

He doesn't know God and his God is a false God.

I think that * is still on the code of Hammurabi. "Saddam wanted to kill Bush Sr so * wanted to kill Saddam"

Along these lines…

I’ve been using ‘church talk’ at church as regards the elections. Wednesday night after church, one old guy whom I knew to be a rabid Republican asked me how I was, and I said I was sad and disheartened because of the election, because I saw no end to the mass murdering of thousands of God’s children with another 4 years of the same group of men whose hearts seemed to be so hardened against Jesus’ command to love one another and pray for our enemies. He was a little taken-aback, and said I should pray about it, and, if they needed to be ‘turned around’, God would do it.

So yesterday the same man came up to me and asked me if I was feeling any better about the elections. I said yes, that his suggestion to pray had worked, that Ashcroft had already quit! My next task would be to pray about Karl Rove, and work my way up to the president. He just stood there with his mouth open for a few seconds, and then said something like, “God bless you”, and walked away.


I LAUGHED REALLY HARD

keep praying. . .

bookmarked.. cut and pasted.... and getting ready for email... thank you so much...!! :hi:

Makes sense to me but I bet Bush couldn't understand your clear logic.....

It was an e-mail I got earlier tonight .

Have no clue as to who wrote it.
Just thought it was a great antidote to all this RW zealotry.
As a spiritualist, it truly makes me ill.

written and widely circulated as "A letter to Dr Laura". It was after she went off about homosexuality, condemning it by using the line from Leviticus.

But it's pretty funny used this way as well. In fact, it would be a useful thing to hit every religious extremist with when they try to feed you with a biblical basis for their particular bigotry.

for anyone in the daytime crowd that might need a chuckle.

I think I first saw this a couple years ago, addressed to "Dr." Laura Schlessinger.

I'm especially amused at the shellfish reference. There's a website at http://www.godhatesshrimp.com that explicitly rips off that charming page Fred Phelps runs, including farks of Phelps's protest photos.

Somewhere in Leviticus is another proscription against wearing two kinds of fabric at the same time, or something like that. Since most of the clothing in the modern world is a blend of two different kinds of fiber, this is another Biblical commandment that most of our self-appointed moralists violate.

And don't even get me started on keeping the Sabbath.

I understand they have a defense that states that Jesus's sacrifice liberated us from the stricter constraints of Mosaic law, like the shellfish and bullock sacrifices, while Paul affirms that we still have to maintain the divinely ordained sexual preferences. That sounds suspiciously like "cafeteria Christianity" to me.

My ultimate take on this whole Republican morality scam is, it's all about do-what-I-say-not-what-I-do. Most of these preachers have beams in their own eyes, while yammering about the motes in ours.