Hate my Office Mate, part II

Many of you will recall a rant I posted before the election on my crazy-ass, annoying officemate, a woman with a direct line from her brain to her mouth so that every single inane thought she has comes spilling forth and is spoken aloud, a woman who, anytime she hears a swear word (such as "damn" "hell" or even "gosh darn it") shrieks loudly and covers her ears. A woman so stupid she uses the printer to print eighty copies of the same document because it's faster and simpler than the copy machine (no it's not) and so helpless that when the damn thing runs out of paper she simply assumes it's broken and stops working.

Today, was the final straw. Today, annoying office mate (who once sang for twenty minutes straight a tuneless, nonsense song about the decision whether or not to get her teeth whitened) deployed...



:scared:





CHRISTMAS MUSIC!



No shit. Honest-to-fucking god, Christmas music. Played at a volume which could charitably be described as extremely audible. I asked her to turn it down, and she ACTUALLY SAID, "But then you wouldn't be able to hear it,"

"That's sort of the point. I'm trying not to hear it now, but it's so loud I can hear it through my headphones, over my music,"

At this point, our boss walks in. Annoying office mate can't see her however, and says, to the tune of Bing Crosby's Silver Bells (which was NOT the song actually playing)

"Modem B! Modem B! Santa won't bring you no presents! Modem B! Modem B! Soon it will be Christmas Day!"

"Look, I don't even like Christmas music. I don't want to hear it, particularly before Thanksgiving. So please, turn it down or use some earphones,"

And she sang, to the tune of Silent Night, which was also NOT the tune playing, "Modem's a Grinch! Modem's a Grinch! She don't like Christmas! What a witch!"

At which point, our boss, who had been standing at the door with a very confused look on her face said, "Okay, that's enough. Modem Butterfly, why don't you go out for lunch while Annoying Office Mate and I have a meeting,"

And so here I am, an hour-and-a-half later (I don't think Boss will begrudge me a long lunch after that), alone in my quiet office. Annoying Office Mate is not here. Boss' office door is closed. I am working in blessed silence.

For now, at least.

Sounds like this is a 'discussion' that will benefit you, one can hope. I hope that the boss manages to talk some semblance of professionalism into this person... people like that drive me crazy :eyes:

Doesn't even know enough to shut the hell up when the boss might be around? I hope they get rid of her for good so you won't be tempted to inflict bodily harm.

coming your way.

Bring in a CD of Dr. Demento's Christmas songs or Bob Rivers comedy troupe.

Dr. Demento (novelty songs) has tunes like
"Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer"
"I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus"
"Christmas At Ground Zero" - Weird Al


Bob Rivers does parodies of great classics like:
"The Twelve Pains of Christmas" (Twelve Days of Christmas)
"Wreck the Malls" (Deck The Halls)
"Walking 'Round In Women's Underwear" (Walking in a Winter Wonderland)
"Oh, Come All Ye Grateful Deadheads"
"I Am Santa Claus" (Ozzy's Iron Man)

utterly hysterical if you like twisted, off-beat humor and sure to annoy any Christmas fanatic.

She managed to keep the music confined to the actual Christmas season and at a low volume, so it was mostly tolerable. That was right after she started though, when I think she was trying to make a good impression on everyone. Come to think of it, though, there were signs even then. For instance, she asked me what my partner and I were doing for Christmas, and I told her nothing, since we don't celebrate Christmas. She said, "Of course you celebrate Christmas. Everyone celebrates Christmas," I assured her we didn't, along with a lot of other people (for instance, Jews don't celebrate Christmas) and she said, "Yes they do! Jews light candles specifically for Christmas. It's Jewish Christmas. Why do you think they call it Ch-anakah?"

At the time, I thought she was joking.

This person sounds so stupid, it's amazing to me she can find her way to the office. You must have the patience of a saint to refrain from bashing her over the head with a paperweight! I hope the session in Boss's office helps. :hug:

I was once tempted to let the air out of her tire, but then I realized would A) keep her at the office longer and B) really give her something to talk about.

And will she ask you to help her dispose of it? ;)

:evilgrin:

but when she's at lunch pick boogers and put them under her desk.

I know that's awful of me, but worth a try.

It looks like she dug her own grave. I'm hoping she got sent home FOR GOOD. What. A. Loon.

She was a Kerry person too, so she and I commiserated a bit on Wednesday. But then she kept digging at it, like a dog with a bone. "Gee, I sure wish John Kerry would have won. That would be great. Then we wouldn't be sad,"

I spent much of the last several days shut up in the filing room. Our file clerk knows I appreciate quiet, and left me alone.

spread rumours about me behind my back, sat and picked their teeth while I got to do the work they were too stupid to do.
Stolen things from my desk, got their friends to come into the office to insult me, and this in a GOVERNMENT office. (you are supposed to treat everyone with "respect". In fact, there's a policy. Gaffaw!!!)

I'm figuring they are just jealous cause I'm so cute. ;) :evilgrin:

I hate working in offices, HATE it, but it's a job. :eyes: