100 Nuns

There are 100 nuns in a nunnery. One day the Mother Superia
calls an emergancy meeting.

"Nuns" she says, "a terrible thing has happened. I have
found a condom."

At the news 99 nuns went "Oh no!" and 1 went "Ha ha ha ha."

"If the Arch Bishop ever found out he would close us down!"
the Mother Superia said.

Once again 99 went "Oh no!" and 1 laughed.

"It gets worse" the Mother Superia continued, "It was
used!"

Again, 99 went "Oh no!" and one laughed.

"To top it all off," the Mother Superia finished, "It had a
hole in it!"

This time 99 laughed and one went "Oh no!!!"

Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"

"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.

A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me, too?"

"Yes, He did," the older man answered.

For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind.

At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."

Got another:

There was once a newly ordained priest who joined the staff of a large,
well-to-do parish. His boss, the senior priest, had been there for many
years and was steeped in wisdom. The young priest was very full of himself,
having taken a number of prizes for preaching in seminary. He was
particularly proud of his efforts in the pulpit.

Indeed, he said to his boss one day, "Father, there is not a subject in
the world that I could not, at the drop of a hat, find a Biblical text for
and then be able to preach a sermon." The senior priest decided to put his
young charge to the test.

"Well, my boy," he said, "don't you be preparing any sermon for mass
next Sunday. Instead, when you get into the pulpit you will find a
sealed envelope which I will have put there. Inside the envelope there
will be a single sheet of paper on which I will have written a one word
topic. I defy you to find any kind of text that will fit."

The young priest looked forward to the test with relish. The day came.
He ascended the stairs into the pulpit. His boss was squirming with
anticipation. The young man opened the envelope, glanced at the sheet of
paper on which was written the one word, "CONSTIPATION", and proclaimed:
"And Moses took the two tablets and went off down the mountain.....""

First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Do whatever steps you want, if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison,
Doin' the Vatican Rag.

Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional,
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original.
If it is, try playin' it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!

So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria,
Gee it's good to see ya,
Gettin' ecstatic an'
Sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag!