I finally have the son I never wanted!

Lucky me!

My sister's kid has been sleeping on my couch for two months. Can't hold a job, can't lift a finger around here... eating me out of house and home, using my spare truck (in which he got a DUI last month.) Now, I get the cell bill (I got him a spare line, so he could find and keep a job.) Dumbfuck kid went over his minutes by 339, so that's an extra $200 imaginary dollars I'll never see.

25 years old. Dick.

Why do I do it?

Because when I was his age, I felt like all I needed was someone to believe in me, to stand by me, to give me a hand... and no one did. So I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to help somebody in that way, I would.

I'm an idiot.

Didn't want to touch that topic!

Good luck with that... at least I can dump this kid when I need to. You've got your hands full!

If not, kick yourself right now!

I don't have or want a landline.

At least he's working now... circulating petitions. But I work THREE jobs, and he can barely manage the one!

GRrrrrrr.

or he'll keep doing it.

I got a great deal by getting a second line... IF he stays within the minutes. Since he couldn't do that, he gets screwed. Well, I get screwed, since I seriously doubt he'll ever repay me.

But it was a good idea. Really.

So, you have to assume that he'll keep abusing the privilege and going over the minutes. Then compare that extra $200 a month you'd pay to the difference in price of a pre-paid phone. I don't think you'll win with him until he actually comes up against a block... in this case, running out of minutes. Don't let him use you because of your feeling of obligation.

I am monitoring his minutes online now, which I could not do for the first billing cycle. When he hits the limit, I'll snatch the phone.

Pick up a copy of "How to Parent Your Out of Control Teen" -- fabulous book, with EXCELLENT techniques for getting through to your "problem child" in a loving, yet RESPONSIBLE manner. Enjoy! (Its the best $20 you will spend!)

He needs his ass locked out. A few weeks on the street will straighten his ass right up. He's past "parenting."

I personally use it on a regular basis with "adults" -- and its been FUN!!! :) Best, Ida

use it on my idiot boss :D

Staple the help wanteds to his penis -- that should get his attention.

You are indeed an idiot. Kick that fucker out. He's a freeloader and he'll continue to take advantage of your kindness for as long as you let him.

"Because when I was his age, I felt like all I needed was someone to believe in me, to stand by me, to give me a hand... and no one did. So I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to help somebody in that way, I would."

You've done your part, now cut him loose.

Not just tough love, steel toed love. Mmmmm.

"A hand up, not a handout"

... tell you sister to put his leech-ass up

He's no longer welcome at his mom's. Or his dad's. Or most anywhere the family resides. I'm the Bohemian Uncle BoX, so I'm sort of the Resort of Last Resort.

But he reminds me a LOT of myself at that age, so I'm gonna give him some rope.

just be sure to pull the slack out of it now & then.

slept most of the day or laid out by the pool and never looked for work, he claimed he did but he was full of shit. After 6 weeks i called my husband and i told him to call his nephew and say bye bye because i was kicking him out, hubby did and then i packed his nephews bags, gave him $200 and wished him luck. He ended up in Steamboat Springs working at a resort and he's doing ok now.

Don't think about it, just do it.

Else youll be kicking your own ass harder.

And I hold down a job. I've even got my own place and pay my own bills. It sounds more like he needs some tough love. At 25 you shouldn't be depending on others for your welfare. I can see still living at home at that age, but with a good job and the intention of getting out as soon as it's affordable. I think it's time you laid down the law. Tell him about your feelings that you have for him and tell him why you are putting up with him. But let him know who's in control. Tell him that you want the best for him, but you will not be taken advantage of.

I've been a bit slack.

I really do want the best for him, I just don't want him to think nobody cares. I definitely got the feeling nobody cared when I was his age, and it was just crushing to me.

I've been through a lot of hard times and I'm fortunate to have parents that care about me. I think you can let your nephew know that you care, that you'll be there for him, but he's got to put forth an effort to do the right thing. If he doesn't appreciate you now, he will when he gets older. Especially if you do the right thing now.

You've done your part, and he has shown you just how much he appreciates it. I have nothing against living with family at any age. In fact, I kind of hope that my kids live with me a while after they get out of college (or tech school or whatever they decide to do) to build up some savings, but this kid is obviously going to take advantage for as long as you will let him.

maybe he is severely depressed. I'm 24, and yeah I'm in grad school, but I see others my age in a serious tight spot, with college degrees and no way to make more than $8 at a fucking temp agency. If all he does is sit around the house, maybe you should see if he needs some counseling. The fact that he is shunned by his parents has got to have some emotional impact on him. But if he seems perfectly happy where he is, mooching off of you, then maybe make him agree to find a job or get kicked out. Ironically, maybe a temp agency WOULD be good for him...you're never there at one assignment long enough to get fired, and mediocre performance on the job is well tolerated.

After mt own experiences with depression, I always think of this. He is now working, circulating petitions... I have to give that a few days to see how it works out.

Unfortunately, he is circulating a petition for a reactionary Constitutional Amendment in California... Parental Notification for abortions for minors. So, even if he makes any money (to be given to me, in theory,) he's making it by getting a BAD LAW placed on the ballot. :(

time to kick his ass to the curb! GAH I'd rather be cleaning windshields than taking money from the Enemy!

I was a little sympathetic for him, let your daughter be with him if she wants too but let his ass go. Hell no would I ever let a republican sleep on my couch, I'm passionate about what I believe in.

He's older than I am. Since reaching the age of eighteen I've never considered letting a relative pay my way. Don't get me wrong, I've asked for and recieved a little help when times were tough but I've had a job and a place of my own since I was old enough to do so. Unless there's something wrong with your nephew there's really no reason he should abuse your kindness this way or that you should allow it.

He may be to old to "parent." But he should be treated with respect. Treating him like a child when he is 25 isn't respectful. Paying his way, letting him do nothing. Hmmm... Yep, like a child.

If you can't talk to him about it, you can do other things. You have to either ask him or mention that you expect him to help around the place. Or give him a nudge to do it. You could try asking him to put up the dishes while you wash. If you do something, mention something for him to do to help out. Start small. Just to get him use to the idea. If he does ANYTHING, make sure you mention in a conversation how he "helps" around the place and isn't a bum. Maybe over the phone to someone.

The first mistake was not assuming that he would work. You should have assumed he would and spoke like he would. Even mentioning some things he could do. Or what he would like to do, etc. AT first, their fear is that your looking at them as free labor. You gota point out that you would expect a friend staying there to do the same.

Paying for everything. Nada! Ya gota FEEL the pinch to get the idea. No extras. Not a vacation vist.

Older child food issue. Seen this a time or two. What works best is by not stocking up on food. It's a visual reminder that money is an issue. If it becomes a problem, then don't by any or buy stuff like raman noodles. It's food, but not the best stuff. For you, eat out or bring home stuff to cook. Share if you like, but it's not there to "pig out" on as he/she pleases.

Ideas like these doesn't mean that you don't support him or that you have given up on him. Just that he IS an adult. He isn't going to get that message if he is treated like a child. Adults have responsiblitys. When he got that DUI who paid for it? If you did, you should have asked a neighbor if he could mow his lawn and YOU pay for it. Give the money to the neighbor (not let the kid know) and let him earn it. You would still be giving him the money. But he would feel like HE did it on his own. Never mind that you got him the job as well. Trust me, that part is always forgotten in the end. Tee hee... And it should be. he as GOT to learn he is somebody. Reminding him what you are doing for him or did for him.. that is taking away what you want to give him.

Your not an idiot. Just inexprienced with dealing this sort of thing.

Since everyone else has given up on him, most likely he is expecting you to do so as well. I wouldn't give him the boot right away. But I would talk to him. And if I ever did give him the boot, I would tell him that it was only because he wasn't doing his part. He wasn't putting in the effort. And that your door is always open when he got serious about life.

What about you, what caused you to get serious? It's different for everyone. You might want to try and figure that one out.

As was mentioned earlier, he might be depressed. It's hard for people to accept $8 jobs when they see people getting paid more for doing less. And it does cause some young people to think they do NOT have to accept those jobs. And they will NOT unless they finaly wise up. Generaly they don't until they have used up all the free room and board they can get. Is THAT the problem?

One of the studys they did dealing with persons who were on wealfare for ever, was that some had never learned how to deal with "BS" of the work envirment. Ya know, the idiot boss and their crazy ideas, etc. They would land jobs, then loose them because of "bad aditudes." Once they realized that a few had this problem, they worked up a program to help with it. Some people are just slow to realize that you really do have to put up with the BS!

I wanted you to know I read it, and it was very insightful. Unfortunately, I have to go to bed so I can work 16 hours tomorrow. But I will re-read and respond after he and I have talked.

Blood is thicker than water to a certain point. 25? The point has been reached. And you are not an idiot, you tried.

tell him exactly what to do in short statements,like feed the dog.

He's 25 years old, doesn't work, you give him a cell phone and are surprised when he goes over his minutes. He gets a DUI and, I kind of hate to ask, but is he still driving the truck?

Has this little freeloader EVER held a job? Why not? McDonald's is probably hiring. Wal-Mart undoubtedly is. He can do night-shift stocking at Target. My alcoholic brother who lives in the basement does that. It's better than living on the street which was the alternative.

Which should be the alternative for this kid. If he's not physically handicapped and doesn't have a diagnosed mental illness, he should be employed, even if at minimum wage, within a week. It's fucking Christmas, and lots of places are still taking on employees.

And for someone like this kid (and he is a kid, given his behavior, although chronologically he's an adult) to complain about making only minimum wage, well, it's better than zero dollars per hour, and infinitely better than being homeless.

DO NOT enable him any longer.

And report back to us. We'll want to know how it turns out.

I'd have him out post-haste.

Look at it this way: you actually AREN'T doing him any favors. What is he learning? How to be a better freeloader?

Door, 25 year old, me saying here's your hat, what's your hurry?