So I get an e-mail from my fundie co-worker yesterday. . . .

I'm the IT guy and she handles all the phone systems, so when we need Verizon support, we call the same people. I aske her to send me all the contact information for the Verizon folks so I'd have it if she was unavailable, so she sends me (and 4 or 5 other interested parties at the office) an e-mail with a subject of:

Subject: If I get hit by a truck . . .

So I take it in good humor until I open the e-mail and the first line I see is:

"or raptured, you all will need this information."

Okay, first off, I don't want her fundie bullshit shoved in my face, and second of all, how fucking pretentious is it for her to make the supposition that if there was such a thing as a rapture, she'd be the only one in the company affected by said fictional event?

Damn I despise this woman.

I'm not up for a rapture yet.

a rupture is a definite possibility :) :) :)

"Pride goeth before a fall" and gently smile.

or raptured.


Two words offended you that much. You call it shoving it in your face.

Lighten up.

Just laugh at her if you think it is silly and go on with your life.

come back and tell me to lighten up.

SMTP error occurred while sending message to following recipient(s)
your_email@address.com
550 SPAM not accepted. Religious content not permitted on commercial server.

"Why do you assume I'd still be here, too? Wait, don't tell me - you're getting all your theology from those silly 'Left Behind' books, aren't you?"

I'm okay with it. ;) These people are crazy. Sorry.

Always sending me "updates" on the "final preparation" for ascension. So I asked her when that happens could I puhleez have her big screen TV. She responded that "those left behind will suffer a fate worse than death itself". "What no cable?", I asked. She said she would pray for me.

That's perfect. I also look forward to some past-rapture looting :)

"Suffer a fate worse than death."

Interesting. I believe in God, but I don't believe in any literal sense of "hell," and I don't believe that God is a punitive, vengeful, spiteful, big meanie. I don't believe He is a micromanager, and I don't believe He's up there somewhere rubbing his hands together and waiting to punish everyone who isn't a fundie conservative.

Dear President Bush:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would
propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex
marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a
man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone
tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply
remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other
elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not
Canadians. Can you clarify?

Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21: 7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates
a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1: 9. The problem is, my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally
obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field. He also tends to curse and
blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone him? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn him
to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep
with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.


Your adoring fan,

Glad to see it's addressed to the pResident now. :)

so that her and the other the fundies will leave the rest of us in peace

individual rapture... so, if she gets hit by a truck (which I hope will not happen because it is never good to wish anyone ill, she will definitely be having her individual rapture too)... you may, if you want to, point out to her that getting hit by a truck and being raptured amount to the same thing.
;-)