How I came to my morality.

This thread on morality began here:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=104&topic_id=2744725&mesg_id=2747885&page=


I wanted to say we find morality in our own hearts,through making choices good or bad,and seeing the results, in self introspection,self honesty,empathy,change and our changing perceptions of our own life experinces.

I grew up in a shitty home. I knew I did not derserve the sadistic cruelty I faced at the hands of my parents,a fundie pedo neighbor, my peers or this society.I don't like to hurt other beings.I don't like watching others suffer.So why was I a scapegoat,a poison container ,so hated?

So I always asked myself why did some people deliberately hurt each other for nothing? Why do some people seem to be addicted to,or get off on creating others pain,but are fearful of responsibility for what they instigate coming back to themselves so much they'll do or say anything to avoid owning up to it??
I am different than alot of people it seems ,because I have climbed out of alot of beliefs and social boxes about what I am, that other people put into me. You know those "Norms" society follows. I have alot of creativity and I question everything because I am curious, including questioning what"authorities" say or pundits or anybody no matter who they think they are or who other people say they are.I want to know why for myself. If you keep asking why enough and find out for yourself you accumulate answers that to some looks something akin to wisdom which isn't a big deal really..when more people take it upon themselves to ask why and find out too.It's only when they don't that people who ask questions and seek answers appear "wise".

I asked myself
Why does our ego reward us when we put someone down,why does our very psysiology reward us when we kill with a rush of endorphins and opiates, why does our society reward us for doing what is wrong to others with cronism? Why do some people get away with abuse more than others do as long as we are of certain social classes ,certain"private" cicumstances or in certain cliques,while others who do minor transgressions get nailed quickly? Why don't pedophiles molest kids in full view at the food court at the mall in front of parents if we all agree it's thier right to do what thou will and the world be damned if it intervene? If might makes right why do kids get protected from harm in some situations and doubted when they are hurt in others?

Why is it ok for a father to go out to a titty bar to see a stranger girl stripper who's around the same age as his daughter shake her tits,in his face and he gets off with no guilt ,but it's a BIG moral outrage to this father if his own daughter decides to become a stripper herself?Daddy warns her abouty bad men abuse and pimps,yet he has no problem if it's someone elses child.. Has this father had a breakdown in empathy for women that are not "his"?
Who defines who owns?
Might makes right?

Why did teachers look the other way while the bullies ganged up on me in thier presence and beat the crap out of me,while if I so much as punched on of the assholes back I got suspended?

Where comes this kind of strange injustice?

And I looked into psychology, into sociology ,into behavior,into different religions to satanism,to Assemblies of God,Buddhism,Paganism,(the closest metaphysical answer I have found is in some forms of Gnosticism) I looked into biology,into the way animal cultures are,I looked into history,I even studied cancer and how it seduces cells in a body and how those cancer cells behave to find answers.I looked at politics,economics,the psychology of nazis, I have looked outward and inward for all my life to understand where comes this strange injustice..

I found that it really does come down to choice and your own preferences in how you wish to live and also how honest you are about your own motives in these matters,and what position on the domination hierachy you are at colors how much abuse you tolerate if you are the sort to indulge in it for your own reasons.


I might do stupid shit,I even show my ass,I fight or soiometimes not.

BUT I am as much as I am able to be, AWARE of my own motives as to why I say things,do things or even THINK some things..I know if I am reacting to a script my mother used to belittle me,I am aware if I am projecting a school bully on someoner,or that abusive preacher,or whatever. And I know I am resonsible for my actions words here.
And this awareness of myself inside and what I do in this world and how it may or may not affect others has a high price,My own internal,eternal vilagence and ruthless self honesty and a lot of pain over my responsibilty and a sense of empathy that hurts me deep down inside like a burning fire that never goes out..But I get one good thing..I see there is a way out of our social delimma.
But I have to overciome alot of beliefs,alot of abusive programs,alot of resistance to self introspection and self change in people who don't know why in thier own consience why they should choose to be non-abusive to others.

Integrity requires the kind of chosen personal dedication to maintaining your own integrity and boundaries of conduct in a way alot of people are scared of or don't want to hear.Living the kind of true to yourselfness that gets you scapegoated,or put on a pedistal you must refuse,The kind of courage that gets you labeled a coward ,a nut,a troublemaker or hero by all those people who would rather not let thier own motives be known even to themselves..
when they do the shit they do,preferably behind closed doors with no one who would complain within earshot.

I know can be hideously wrong.I can be projective,I can be a class A asshole.. BUT I strive to know why I am being these things sometimes and not always is my motive good.I must keep my shadow visible to myself if I want to understand my own heart's desire.. I can try to listen to my own motives and stop myself before I do something I'd regret.I'm not perfect at it.I may never be,I always can improve. I can also examine my own motives honestly and decide to take a risk that if I stood by and did nothing I may be praised or make an uneasy peace but I also must live with the fact I would not be pleased with myself.

This world rewards the exploiters,the bullies the dominators. Because the system of relations we currently live under was set up by these sorts of people.

I can choose to be different than this system of reward and punishment and point the way to a different way, to a world without kings or slaves..This ability to choose in an abstract way I think is what makes us more aware of ourselves than animals,seem to be.Sinec we can communicate such abstract enlightened ideas as freedom from abuse we can choose to live free from abusers.

I choose to NOT reward a dominator,an exploiter,an abuser a bully and be afraid of them for myself.I won't bystand when someone else is suffering the sadism of another and has thier freedom taken. I'll call the condemnation and risk the bullies tempertantrums at having to limit his desire to dominate..Domination is NOT compatible with freedom,peace,equality,prosperity or anything of value in this life.Control freaks can kill me or use thier followers/believers to do it,But I'll die free with NO on my lips and this time they will not win. And maybe just maybe people around me will get some courage and quit merely surviving,choose to develop thier own sense of character rather than listen to the abuser they internalized and learn to not believe in"big men" and instead become a bunch of big hearts..

But it will not happen in a big way unless you choose it to inside and you know what is motivating you for yourself and encourage others to be free to find it even if you disagree with where they go looking(this is why freedom of speech is so important)..
And this world it makes that choice to be free painful indeed.
You have to know in your own heart for yourselfg WHY it is wtrong to abuse others.There can be all sorts of sociology explanations religious tenets and whatnot to explain it,but idf you cannot FEEL the answer you will not understand it and your morality is controlled by beliefs not be real life understanding.

This I think is why we have ideas like faith or devils,or chains of command as some ways among many we use to try to externalize the choices we make into a system of social control.By using beliefs that impact us all, to justify choices to others we cannot feel as truth inside us ,it seems we ourselves do not want to own our own goodness and badness fully. In reality we do own it all and the power we have to change ourselves is immense,Only if we decide to do it.When we choose to act together and not give in to the urge to act on abuser/sickness or narcissitic urges that live in all of us in varying degrees we can chage our world and how we percieve ourselves dramatically,however it is slower process.

Here are a few things I've written struggling with this issue over time.

http://www.rudemacedon.ca/0306/0620-freedom.html

http://engforum.pravda.ru/showthread.php3?s=&threadid=4...

http://www.unknownnews.net/031126a-up.html

http://www.unknownnews.net/d1205up3.html

for a post I'm thankful I've had the opportunity to read