Ordering A Pizza in 2008 Will Go Something Like This...

ORDERING PIZZA IN 2008

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national
ID number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan I see you live at 1742 Meadowland
Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at
Lincoln
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. E-mail
address is Seehan@home.net "><mailto:Seehan@home.net>. I see you're
calling me from home.

Customer: Huh? Where'd you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This
will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your
All-Meat Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your
National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll
like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your
local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four
kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your
driver gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is
Overdrawn also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.

How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a bike?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so
your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got
a July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stayin the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke..

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this... Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!

Thank you for the laugh-that was brilliant.:toast:

But it seems like you either have to laugh or cry. Being the optimist I am, I have to laugh.

It is scary as hell, but it fills me with relief to see so many other people know what's going on. The DU community has given me so much more hope-just knowing there are like-minded people. So, I guess the laughter is more appreciative agreement. Believe me, I know it's no joke.

:scared:

Someday, that may not be funny.

nicely driven out by the snort I got out of that!

Bravo!

:scared:

:scared: