Thanksgiving with Strangers

I haven't awakened happy since November 3 and I find I'm much happier when asleep. How about you?

Having finally cut off relations with my family, I'm pretty much alone. At the doctor's office they insisted upon someone to contact in case of an emergency...a family member or a friend. How humiliating it was to tell them I have no one.

Before I decided on this course, my counselor said I could visually lock my mother in the attic where she couldn't bother me. I tried this. If I didn't feel like answering calls, I didn't. If I didn't feel like answering e-mail, I didn't. She must have called twenty times and left messages on my land line and cell. She e-mailed me repeatedly. It was nice. I didn't have to deal with her. Then she used a key to my apartment and JUST CAME IN. So much for locking mother in the attic. She had a fucking key. So I went and demanded my fucking key and was informed that unless she had said fucking key, she couldn't help me anymore. Then I repeated what she had said back to her and she said, "That's not what I said."

She makes me crazy.

So, I contacted the local Democratic Club for help. I haven't finished settling into my apartment yet. Even washing the dishes makes my back hurt. Most days it doesn't feel like it's worth the effort.

Being with family poisons me, but being utterly alone is hard, too. I have to last the next five days with ten dollars in the bank. That should prove interesting.

The president of the Dem Club invited me over for Thanksgiving. I feel like a charity case. Part of me wanted to say no, but I haven't been around people in days. In the past year I've become more and more distrustful of people. If I do go, I'm afaid I'll lose my composure in front of STRANGERS.

My brother called, inviting me to Thanksgiving tomorrow, but I won't go. It's my choice: craziness or loneliness / financial destitution. I've lived with the craziness my whole life. It's time to try loneliness and financial destitution.

</ Angry / Sad Rant

i turned my back.10 years now. i have no regret.
i feel for you and encourage you to stay strong in heart and mind. i breathe so much better
love to you ladyhawk

You might have fun with the Dem for Thanksgiving, but I completely understand feeling like a charity case and wanting to stay home. I am in a similar situation. :hug:

Being in my late fourties, that has been the essence of my path. I can empathize with certainty.

My only suggestion is to consider thinking of it as a Spiritual journey if that helps at all. Solitude has a price, but so does the social sphere.

Did you know that we have a Mental Illness Support Group now? Maybe it could be of some help.

:hug:

way to make friends! life long friends!

am I wrong?

in a back yard after drinking to much in my younger years. I had to go to work the next day and face a lot of the people who were at the party. I was there and told some people I was embarassed. One man told me, "If you can't be totally sick in front of us, when can you be that way." I took great comfort from that and have thought of that often. (and I never drank that much again.)

who seems as repulsive as your mother is to you.

But then, much more is expected from mothers than from daughters, eh?

Somehow, putting my daughter in the attic, metaphorically speaking, is not an option for a mother no matter what my daughter does. Just the way it is and what the expectations are from mothers.

I mean, you aren't the only one in this situation.

I am single and in my forties. Going home to my alcoholic mother means going home to be told what a failure I am for not producing grandchildren like my wonderful sister. Being with my sister and her bigoted husband means biting my tongue till it bleeds. So I choose loneliness and financial distress over craziness and humiliation. Today I had a frozen dinner (roast turkey) and took my dog for a long walk. If strangers had invited me to dinner I would have gone. People just assume everyone has somewhere to go. But there are a lot of people who don't and we don't want to be pitied.

When I have the means, I'm going to get a big dining room table and have a "strays only" Thanksgiving dinner, which will be a lot better than the only family I have to go home to.

One of the many things I learned from being scammed and nearly ruined five years ago is it's OK to let others help me and I should be damn glad they want to.

I wouldn't presume to compare my situation to yours even if I knew much about it, but I do know things get better. In the meantime, five days on ten dollars is highly survivable. And you have a perfectly good dinner offer from a friend. Notice I did not say a stranger. Why not take him/her up on it? Any strangers you meet at this person's house can be your friends, too.

I have my son for Thanksgiving, but I'm always alone at Christmas, and I take people up on their offers to come over for dinner or whatever. If I were you, I'd call that Dem Club president and ask if I can come anyway. Seriously.

is bad enough.

My only suggestion is to consider thinking of it as a Spiritual journey if that helps at all. Solitude has a price, but so does the social sphere.

I agree with post 3. It is a spiritual journey and for now, you've chosen to be alone. There is much to be learned from being alone, just as there is from being with others.

FWIW, though, it's you who chose to characterize the invitation from the Dem Club prez as "charity case." I seriously doubt too many would extend an invitation to a Thanksgiving dinner on that basis. Remember that some people have the need to give and it's possible that by not going to the dinner, you denied that person this opportunity. Had I been the person extending the invitation, I think that I would have been disappointed that you did not come.

Another thought: maybe maintaining composure in front of strangers is the lesson you're being challenged with now.

Also, I've noticed that some single people seem to think that others think they are "lesser" because they are single. I certainly don't think this and don't know of anyone else who thinks that way, either.


Cher