Should I get married and move to Illinois?

Raised in Chicago, my boyfriend lives there. I came down to Alabama to help take care of my father, then my mother. Both have passed away now. I own my own home here, have family here. But I'm homesick. I have family in Chicago too. Yikes! Decision, decisons. I need some advice, quick.

eom

But why do I think about this about 12 hours a day?

That's my vote. Good luck.

But I don't want to lose the roof over my head. I have a feeling, with shrub steering the economy, I'm going to need it.

eom

Questioning here means there are still questions in your mind. Don't rush into anything like this too hastily. My best friend in the world lived with his fiancee for nine years before he worked up the nerve to pop the question. He's getting married Dec. 1st this year BTW, but marriage isn't something i'd want to rush into.

But my life has had spice enough. Now I'm looking to find where I really, really belong. Part of me says go with the head (Alabama), part of me says go with the heart (Illinois).

...go to Illinois, give it a year (since you're homesick) and if at the end of that time it hasn't worked out, you'd still have a home in Alabama. If it does work out, sell the Alabama home and stay in Illinois.

Just one option. Go wherever it really, really feels like "home."

:toast:

point with the if you have to ask, then you shouldn't do it.It's not neccesarily so. Do you agonize over most big decisions? Do yo hesitate to do things and loose the opportunity and regret it? Or do you sometimes know right away something is right for you, even if it's a biggie? In a nutshell is this the hardest decision you have ever made?
We all have different styles in decision making, and it may mean absolutely nothing if you are the kind of person who thinks things through a lot. As am I.
There's always shacking up and renting the house in Alabama.... you have to do what you must to prtect yourself, moving so far is a huge thing in and of itself. If you have resevations, take it a step at a time. And if he balks, use the old chesnut, "It's not you, it's me." Because it's usually the truth!
Good luck!

or at least I was one. Spent my life doing things most folks didn't understand. But the problem this time is I'm not as young as I used to be. I'm in an ocean of conservatism that tells me I should plan for my security---Alabama. On the other hand, the part of me that quit my job and want to college at 30 says if you're not happy, it doesn't matter how secure you are.

It's a difficult decision.

It's just the impression I am getting. The job maybe, but a job and a home, I think it would be too much for me also.
Good luck!

I wouldn't be giving up my job--unless shrub outsources me.

Your post says that you're homesick.

It does not say you want to get married.

I don't know the whole story, obviously... do you have a great job in Alabama or something? Doesn't sound like your heart is in staying in Alabama.

But that doesn't mean you have to rush into getting married, either.

But it's a government job, which means it may not be that secure anymore. However, if I transferred to Illinois, I might lose the job and be stuck with no house. At least if I lose the job down here, I'd have a place to live, free and clear.

Yikes!!! I'm so confused.

If you had a job both places, and a place to live both places, which would you choose?

So often people get crowded in their decision making--my new philosophy is to do what you really want to do. Because things can go in a totally different direction even if you play it safe. If you strip the decision down to the basics--where you would be happiest--the choice becomes a lot easier.

Btw, if you go to Illinois and lose your job, wouldn't you be able to rely a bit on the nest egg from the sold house--or if you don't sell it, THEN go back to Alabama?

on edit--if this is a boyfriend motivated decision you're making, think harder about it. If there was no boyfriend, would you be thinking of moving? Please make this about YOU.

Good luck!

I'd be in Chicago in a heartbeat. But, I could lose the job and have rent or a mortgage to pay. In this administration, that scenario is very likely. The nest egg from the house would not be that great.

If there was no boyfriend, I'd still want to go back home. I can't help thinking, however that, at this point in time, it would not be the smart move. But my heart.......

Honestly.

Sounds like the house is the big issue then, totally understand.

Can you save up for a year and then go?

Can you get feelers out to see whether you can get a job in Illinois?

Look for ways to make it work, instead of talking yourself out of what you really want.

Good luck!

You've made me feel better. Thanks, tjdee. I'm a Southside Chicagoan at heart. Let me count the ways!!!

I would investigate the housing and financial impact of the move since boyfriends, let's face it, sometimes come and go.

Richie Daley has the place so clean it sparkles! I swear you'd think you're in canada. Housing's more expensive of course, but you can't beat the peole, nightlife, parks, and lakefront...

Odds are also in your favor there if it doesn't work out with the BF--lots of eligible, intelligent, DEMOCRATIC guys there.

Sleep on it, meditate, pray, whatever...but it's more fulfilling to follow your heart, imho.

still have family there. I get depressed driving down I65 on the way back. I don't worry about the BF--I've known him too long. Your post makes me homesick.

to just catch up!

And have some pizza for me when you get home. There is no such thing as decent pizza in all of Texas.

Nothing like good pizza in Alabama either. I yearn for a good Uno's or Nancy's pizza. Yummy.

In fact, my boyfriend used to live in Homewood. Yummy!

Marriage is fun.

And if it's not, you can always get a divorce.

Winters are great, too.;)

But the house thing is giving me pause.

Chicago: Wrigley, great restaurants, reasonable weather, Durbin, Obama, terrific music and art scene, museums, spit in Alan Keyes' face, and your boyfriend

Alabama: Bunch of fundie dirtbags, NASCAR, 10 Commandments in the Supreme Court, Bubba's BBQ, tornados, no boyfriend.

Yup, a tough choice.

You make it sound so simple....great post.

if you would be happier moving. Do it. Only you will know

and you can't beat the peace of mind knowing you live in the "bluest of the blue"!!

Ya-Ya sisterhood movie. I think you're Sandra Bullock and by the way she moves back to the big city to marry her boyfriend.

to Chicago?

What a no-brainer. GO!!! FUCKING GO!!!!!!!

(No offense to Alabamans here. I lived there, too, for a time. But I'd jump at the chance to move from a red state to a blue one.)