Funny e-mail: Canada Ousts Liberals

I don't know where this originated- it was in an e-mail from a friend. Her brother's family lives in Canada. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that she's considering an extended visit herself...

*SATIRE*

Canada busy sending back Bush-dodgers

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.

"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.

Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.

After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating and organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.

"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."

.

And mess up the Professional Job market?

Mainly, because they need the tax base. Lots of land, few people. You do the math.

I've been lucky enough to see the well-traveled and not-so-well-traveled parts of Canada.

Saskatoon, SK is kind of neat college town in the middle of nowhere and Banf/Jasper areas are gorgeous. Vancouver and Toronto are awesome and Victoria is quite nice.

:D

I probably spelled that wrong, but I'm being incredibly lazy today.

Although the Northern Territories might be a little cold all year long as well.

It's funny: we had a little reunion in April 2001 in Toronto, with my mom, her two brothers (my uncles), their families, her sister (my aunt) and parts of her family. My cousin Kimmy was saying how stupid Americans are that they can't even name all the states, nevermind all the Canadian provinces. They were all surprised I knew most of them. But with a Canadian background, there is very little chance I'm going to forget all that stuff!

They're spread out a bit--some are in Newfoundland, others in Nova Scotia and Cape Breton, and most in Ontario--mainly TO and Hamilton. I still want to live in TO. It's a site more liberal than almost anyplace in the U.S. We could only hope to be that broadminded. And gee--they have health care for everybody!!

And the pay is good--average pay in the more industrialized provinces is about $25 an hour. Right now with the Canadian dollar as strong as it is (84¢ to the American $) it would be a great time to be on the Canadian side, but not such a great time to be on the American side. :)

Some DUers apparently had a humorectomy on 11/2, and this has already been posted.

Personlly, I think it's quite funny. Also, the ability to laugh at oneself shows great humility. A lesson some never learn. :shrug:

I was watching CBS Sunday Morning With Charles Osgood this morning and he had a segment about retirees who have moved to Mexico just South of San Diego. Now that sounded good and WARM.;-)
Cheap real estate prices; one lady who owned a really nice place said she was embarrassed to say she only paid $200,000 for it. It was so cheap by West Coast standards and it was near the beach with a great view. Apparently there were some problems a few years ago with American being scammed people who were selling land they didn't own, ( happens in USA too) but that has been remedied.