Family Advice: Why people act the way they do.....

Got off the phone with Mom about 30 minutes ago. Topic of my sister coming up.

To make a long story very short, my sister has "issues" with my Mom. She's not truthful in her dealings with Mom, seems to blame Mom for whatever bothers her, and makes it a bit difficult to keep in touch with her. (the we contact her in order to see the kids, etc) She's nearing 40 for crying out loud. Things that should be going to the kids ie: money and or gifts never seem to get to the kids, and I believe they are catching on. :(

I reassure my Mom, but we don't know how to handle this situation. Mom wants to see the grandkids more, so doesn't want to say the wrong thing to my sister, even though she wishes she could. Caught between a rock and a hard place.

What to do? I suggested to my Mom maybe talk to somebody who is a expert in family counselling who can be of more help to you than I could be. I know my Mom is hurt over this situation, and it's frustrating to see no resolution to this problem. I tell Mom, trust me, there are people like my sister in EVERY family who, for their own reasons, are not doing the right thing and are hurting others. :(

:(

have funky relationships (not truthful - or recreating "reality" in her own mind) with other folks? Or does she just reserve this malfunction for your mother?

little lies she thinks others will buy, but we don't. :(

No, she's not mentally disturbed or anything, just has gotten into the habit of lying too often. :(

have known a few folks who recreate reality (through their white and bigger lies) and come to believe the stuff that they fabricate.

Or perhaps she is a drama queen, and real "offenses" (though minor) did occur but she has internalized them as major trauma's warrenting the whole keep everything Mom sends to the kids in order to "protect them" from the same "offenses" occuring to the kids that she perceives as to have happened to her?

:(

but I see how her ways are hurting the kids as well. She lies to them. :(

the former indicates a need for family counseling... the latter suggests a bigger problem - either way, you have my sympathy as does your Mother and your sister's children :(

Sis sounds like a control freak. SHE needs therapy more than your mother. Too bad people like that never know their is something wrong with them.

see if your state has a grandparents' visitation law. She could sue for the right to see the kids if nothing else works.

:( it hasn't come to that. (no visits)

:D

but give an ear to your Mom, and whenever you can give lots of attention to the kids, you know the kind of attention.. that which suggests... when you are with me, I listen to you, hear what you say and think that it (and you) are important. Just guessing that amidst her lying that isn't the message her kids get on a daily basis (and "spoiling kids" has nothing to do with sending them the message that they are very important... just added to avoid any confusion.)

Not much you can do about their relationship because it is THEIR relationship. Offer support to Mom and encourage her to get family counseling. Might be that Sis would eventually go to counseling too. Just be careful - I've seen many situations like this take a turn for the worse and then they could both turn against YOU.