non-smokers, would you date a smoker or is that a dealbreaker?

...I couldn't deal with the smoking, the coughing (his OR mine), the way the smoke gets into everything and just Clings there (hair, upholstery, clothing.)

I won't say it's like licking an ashtray, but you can definitely taste the cigarette. It didn't seem disgusting at the time (15 years ago), but it probably would now.

:D

since he smoked. Not even chocolate covered the taste. I imagine mint would just make it taste like menthol.

Someone I dated in high school was a closet smoker. He swore he didn't smoke, but you could taste it on him. It was like smootching an ashtray. Disgusting.

it's very true.

But (as gross as this is) I love my guy and don't care. He is very careful about brushing his teeth and using mouthwash.

But I can say I enjoy kissing him much more when he tries to quit. Yum! He gets a lot more kisses then!

Yuk. Too stinky.

Now, I have to care. Just being around smokers (even if they're not actively smoking in front of me) triggers an allergy attack - lots of sinus pressure and headaches. The longer I'm around them, the worse my headache gets. I'm driving a rental car right now and I can tell that at least one of the prior drivers was a smoker. It reaks when the sun hits it. Luckily, I'm only driving around town and rarely spend more than 15 minutes at a time in it. But my allergies have been awful this whole week.

It would be a total dealbreaker to me.

I didn't really care when I was in college, but the older I got, the more it bothered me, and it's just such an awful habit, both for one's health and wallet.

I'd try to look beyond it, but it is a bit icky.

We work with it, it's all good.

Fifteen years later we're still together and happy. AND She's quit for just over a month now.

The only downside I can see is that in my case, I got hooked on a pack a day for thirteen years.

But definitely not a dealbreaker by itself.

I can't stand the smell of smoke.

I try to discourage them from smoking as much as possible.

I mean, he could go hours without smoking. He never smoked around me or any of his family, but he just couldn't quit altogether. The smell drove me nuts but otherwise, it never really bothered me.

I married a non-smoker who likes a good cigar sometimes. Does that make him a smoker? ;)

As I have dated both smokers and non-smokers...

Plus, I used to smoke and I have quit a long time ago.

At first it was occaisionally. Then it became often. It makes me upset. Even though I know that it really isn't the case, sometimes I feel that he must hate me or something by smoking. He is trying to cut back, only a couple per day. It made me really upset though because I thought that we felt the same way about cigarette smoking.

. . . is it gross to kiss him? Bottom line, is the taste so bad?

You only live for so long. If the right person smokes and you can live with 'em smoking and or enjoy smoking with 'em, who's loss is it if life is shorter a few weeks/months/years? Maybe it's worth it. :shrug:

I need to breathe.

so I can't say it was a "dealbreaker" but it probably made my decision to break up w/ him a whole lot easier than it might have been.

that outside). It's no biggie, unless I feel sick, and then I'm REALLY sensitive to any toxic types of fumes.

She never tastes like smoke. Amazing!

I find the smell repulsive, especially stale cigarette smoke clinging to clothes, furniture, and especially bedding.

Sorry, guys.

I've never smoked, and I've dated a lot of women who smoked....it doesn't make a difference either way.

I lost several loved ones to illnesses that were caused or exacerbated by smoking. It makes me sad to think of how they suffered.

And secondhand smoke? Don't get me started.

Re aesthetics: The stench on the clothes and in the house and car is disgusting. Smoking causes wrinkled skin and darkened teeth. As for kissing a smoker -- yuck.

All that said, I DO acknowledge how difficult it is to quit, and I cut smokers some slack. To a point.

The taste is a turn off. Plus I don't like getting the smell in my clothes and hair.

I have asthma and cannot be around smokers AT ALL. Sorry, nothing personal, but I like to BREATHE.

if she were a smoker but otherwise treated me with love and kindness I would worship the ground she walked on.
Smoking is an addiction that can be hard to overcome but true love is hard to find.

occasional smoker...If it was Mr Right, I'd kinda cut him some slack. But really, I'd hope he'd quit. I smoked for a long time, and it saps your strength.

And it causes impotence. :(

but it would be close. i hate smoking.

but then, I wouldn't datea nonsmoker either.

I'm married.

Hopefully never have to test that theory, as I am happily married (for now, except my hub keeps talking about being a DU widower).

In fact, a girl with a cigarette between her lips won't even get a second glance from me.

I don't even like to go to their homes

no offense.. it's just nasty.

When I quit, I gain weight, and guys are less interested in me. Hate to say it but a thin woman who smokes is more acceptable than a plump woman who doesn't. I know that's no excuse for my continuing to smoke (though luckily I'm a fairly light smoker - less than 1/2 pack a day) but that's been my experience. It's not the main reason I smoke, but it's definitely an impediment to my quitting.

If you're a guy and you don't like smoking but you do like those cute little size 2 gals, you'd better realize that a lot of them smoke to maintain their weight. Look at most models and actresses. Puffing away like chimneys...

Everything else could be perfect but the smoking would turn me off totally.

I just wouldn't be able to get past that.

i ended up marrying her and got her to stop (7 or 8 years now).

Call me narrow minded or call me a woman who knows what I want and don't want, but it's where I am regardless. :shrug:

So, no. And we're married 25 years in March. So, if i were to be shallow enough for one element to be a dealbreaker, i would have passed on 25 years of happiness.

"Alone in my principles" is not the epitaph i want.
The Professor

Not a problem. Contrary to myth and legend, my experience was that tobacco breath actually smelled pleasant. The smoker has to smoke outdoors though.

It's not a deal-breaker.

Now, if she was into giving "Dutch Ovens".....

I was a smoker for the first 20 years of my life -- against my will. Grew up in a househould of smokers and it just about killed me. I have had allergies all my life and the smoke was like torture. Some of my worst memories are driving to Tahoe in a Pinto in the dead of winter with the windows closed and my Mom smoking for five hours.

When my family was smoking I did date a smoker and didn't find it bad, because I myself was covered with the stink and lived in it everday anyway.

Once the family stopped smoking it was like I'd died and gone to heaven. And my tolerance for smoking dropped to zero. Being around smoke now is even worse than before -- it can make me very sick in a short period of time. Living in SF with its strong smoking ban has been like a godsend for me.

How big a dealbreaker is it for me? Keanu Reeves himself could appear on my door proclaiming his undying love for me and I would have to pass 'cause he's a smoker.

repulsive. I also grew up in a smoking household, and all my relatives smoked and heavily. Plus, I am from Kentucky where they grow the stuff.
So it was everywhere. Then I went to college and had a nonsmoking room mate and realized how much I truly hated it. AFter I left home for good and lived in non smoking household, etc I became less and less tolerant.
My husband, daughter and I are all very intolerant of smoke, in fact when we would spend time at his parents' home, we would come home, dump all our clothes in the laundry and take showers before we even went to bed. I could still smell it in my sinuses the next day!

I only started dating them because I didn't know they smoked at first. When I told them I couldn't date a smoker, they said they had been intending to quit anyway. Maybe that's why they broke up with me?LOL! They wanted to smoke again?!

Smoking-related diseases took both my parents at an early age. I refuse to watch anyone else die from smoking again.

the smell of smoke gives me a headache and with smokers, EVERYTHING SMELLS like smoke.

When I finally managed to quit six years ago, I was a very heavy smoker (two+ packs/day).

It wouldn't necessarily bother me if someone smoked, but I wouldn't want it in my house or car. And I'm not sure I'd want to spend a lot of time in their house or car if they smoked in it.

I don't mind sitting in smoking sections in restaurants, but I don't enjoy the idea of spending an evening in a smoky bar/nightclub. Date-type activities may have to be compromised.

So, bottom line: if they are a heavy smoker, it's probably a deal breaker. If they are a light smoker (<10/day) I'd probably be okay with it, so long as they did it outside.

Pot? It depends on how often, if the person has trouble abstaining in my house or in proximity of my son, for example.

So, I'd say, like most things, it depends. :-)

It was a consideration but not a dealbreaker. I would have vastly preferred that he didn't but he was the guy I wanted and I was willing to accept him as he was. He quit a year later and has not smoked since - not, I must add, because I pressured him. I didn't. But since I didn't smoke, it made him more aware of his smoking and he'd flirted with the idea of quitting for some time.

I can understand those who would not date a smoker. Everyone has their limitations. Had he been someone I was less interested in, it would have been more of an issue to me.

asking what brand I smoke I wrote:

Marlboro Lights, but when I went on a date last week and he saw a pack in
my bag it was all over and I realized I might need to quit for the sake of my love life. Not for this guy (though as he went in for the kiss he said, "Is this going to taste like an ashtray?" I said, "What makes you think you're tasting anything tonight?" Still...) but b/c my choices are already pretty limited in Manhattan (single, straight, honest, intelligent, humorous- that's already asking a lot), and I can't afford to limit them more by requiring they be tolerant of my smoking as well, can I? I mean I'm 32 for God's sake. I'm attractive. There's no reason for me to be single. Why have a strike against me before I'm even up at bat?

But God. I really enjoy every single cigarette. Less so, I'll admit since they put this fire safe paper in, but still...

end of that post.... and back to you guys:

The response I got from a fellow Manhattan-ite in that thread suggested I'd have a lot more trouble getting dates in the future... That's why I've solicited your opinions here. I'm appreciating this discussion.

Just wanted to mention that- thanks. :)

I can't even kiss them

I hate it that much.

puh-leeze :eyes:

told me that the condition was i had to let her smoke, i'd be there with a case of smokes in half a second...

and she smoked outside, I wouldn't be bothered. Smoke can stir up my asthma if it gets thick enough.

but when I first met him I didn't know he was a smoker. In fact, he kept that fact from me for several weeks. Meanwhile I fell in love with him.

15 years later, he's still a smoker. But I still love him. I do wish he'd quit, but only he can decide that.....

Oh and on edit...he only smokes outside and he smokes about 2-3 cigarettes a day. I can't tell you when the last time was I actually SAW him smoking. It's been years. So there's absolutely no smoke smell in my house at all. I wouldn't be able to stand that. He is a very clean person and he doesn't smell like smoke except when he first comes in from having one.

One thing though--smokers can use mouthwash, they can brush, they can do all manner of things and you can still smell it coming from their mouth because it's coming from their lungs--the toothbrush doesn't reach that far back! LOL!

But he's the greatest. That is truly his worst fault, so I count myself pretty lucky, though I hope all the time he doesn't make me a youngish widow. :cry:

I smoke the occasional cigar so maybe that has something to do with it.

Put these things into consideration do you feel the same way? The SO doesn't smoke around you and if you 2 are living together he/she chooses to smoke outside instead of inside. The SO smokes alot less often then he/she usually does around you.

Forget what else I have to add, why does someone's bad habit(very hard to quit) have to be the deciding factor in a relationship? What if he/she does everything he/she can to limit your exposure to the smoke?

I stand by my previous post in this thread.

*almost* more so than dating repug, the only thing worse would a repug that smokes. x(

But, when I got pregnant the first time (fifteen years ago) he stopped smoking in the house or anywhere near us ever since then. He's trying to quit again now. Fingers crossed.

It seems incredible to me now.

Since my father's death from lung cancer, I can't stand being in the presence of cigarette (or cigar) smoke.

The cigar fad of the 1990's was one of the most revolting and stupid sign of growing national idiocy.