The Mother Of All..... Seinfeld Quote Threads!

"These pretzels are makin me thirsty!"

Dolores! Wait!!

I must be at the nexus of the universe!

by Jerry Seinfeld!"

"Kenny Rogers has bad chicken! Bad chicken!!! Mess you up!!!"

I love that chicken, Kenny never hurt anybody!

:)

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

> Not that there's anything wrong with that!

The repuke guy at work that I used to watch the show with on Thursday nights while at work used to add in reply to that statement, "but there is!" He was disgusting.

We import Latex...

that hospital scene . . . George's face. LOL! And that actress who plays is mom is absolutely PRICELESS.

This is the best thread ever.

ahhh... Toilet Brush...

<smack>

He took my marble rye!

You was obviously talkin to one of us, so who was it?

Hello Jerry...


Hellooo...Neumann

Who told you to put a balm on?

:shrug:

... I don't know, maybe he's going to make me box a kangaroo.

"Snapple?"
"No thanks."

"Who's Sergio Mendes?"
"Are you kidding me? He can't go to the bathroom in Paraguay."

"I can't carry a pen! I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum!"

"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me."

"Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. That's a fantasy camp!"

"Let's go watch 'em slice this fat bastard up."

"You're crazy!"
"Am I? Or am I so sane that you just BLEW YOUR MIND!?"

"YOU KNOW, WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A SOCIETY HERE!"

"She said I was a hipster doofus."

"I don't trust this guy. I think he re-gifted, and then he de-gifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp."

"Jon Voight bit you!?"
"No, no, it's legitimate. He thought I was goin' for his wallet."

"You can't stare directly at cleavage! It's like the sun; you get a sense of it and then you look away!"

"JeEEEEErry, ya gotta see the baAAAAby..."

"That was one magic loogie."

"I'm lactose-intolerant. I have no patience for lactose, and I won't stand for it."

"You, my friend, have crossed the line that divides man and bum."

"Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has successfully accomplished the Roommate Switch? In the Middle Ages you could get locked up for even suggesting it!"

"I'm gonna put the kibosh on you. You know I've kiboshed before. And I will kibosh again."

"George likes his chicken spicy."

"Mr. Pitt eats his Snickers bars with a knife and fork."

"This food was in the bathroom with you?"
"Mmm-hmm, I prepared it as I bathed!"

"Velvet scrunchy!"

"So she's naked all the time?"
"Uh huh. It's a scene, man."

"Wait a minute. You mean to say that you drugged a woman so you could take advantage of her toys?"

"Lover boy! You are a lover boy!"

"I've been drinking lattes since I was in junior high."

"I thought Rachel's father was still mad at you for making out with her during Schindler's List."
"Naah, we made up. I brought him some kishka."
"Kishka?"
"Yes. It's a food carried by Israeli soldiers. If they're ever captured, they eat it, and it kills them."

"You dated Mahatma Gandhi?"
"Yes. He used to cover his bald head in oil and rub it all over my body..."

"'Master of the house, turning on the charm/Ready with a handshake and an open arm...'"

"I fell for one of the oldest baker's grifts in the book: the Entenmann's Shim-Sham."

"Thanks for taking me out to dinner, George. I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time."

"Serenity now, George; insanity later."

"he took it out."
"it?"
"uh huh."
"you're sure?"
"oh yeah."

"It?"
"It."
"Out?"
"Out."
"That can't be!"
"Oh, it be!"

BWAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

:D

Bosco!

Feels like an Arby's night

meh, anti-fur. who has the energy?

You had to have the BIIIIIIIIIIG Salad!

'you're like Lex Luthor!' -Jerry to Kramer, who is plotting to put concrete in a washing machine.

That's BBO, beyond body odor! It's taken on a life form of its own!


And... "they're real, and they're spectacular."

because I'm out there, and if I see you out there, there isn't enough voltage in the world to electroshock me back into coherence.

Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.

Why did you tell her I was a marine biologist? You know I always wanted to pretend to be an architect!

Talk about a woven plot!

The best.

I'm out there and I'm LOVIN' it!"

Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint It's DELICIOUS!"

Oh, those are nice. Ya know, I never noticed this before. They're smooth, creamy, delicate, yet masculine


"Food and sex. Those are my two passions. It's only natural to combine them."
"Natural? Sex is about love between a man and a woman. Not a man and a sandwich."


"Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?"
"Would she have hooks?"
"Do hooks make it more attractive, Jerry?"
"Kinda cool looking."

The MOOPS?!?!?

George: "Remember Jerry...It's not a lie if *you* believe it."
Geroge: "Were it socially acceptable, I would be ensconced in velvet."
Elaine: "You see this? Your little hair hat? I hate this!"
Elaine: "Butt...Butt...John-John Butt!"
Kramer: "It's like a sauna in here!"
Jerry: "And you want to be my latex salesman!"

Waiter: "I call out Cartwright...Cartwright???
Jerry: "Who's Cartwright?"
George: "I'm Cartwright."
Jerry: "You're not Cartwright!"
George: "Of, COURSE I'm not Cartwright!"

Jerry: "So, you can take the reservation, but you can't KEEP the reservation. Which is, of course, the POINT of the reservation!"

And: "STELLLAAAAA!"

on edit:

Can you spare a square?

Holy mother of seinfeld.

There isn't one place left in all of Del Boca Vista???

The Princess and I use that one all the time, often here in the Lounge.

:-)

call each other Schmoopie. :)

One of the funniest scenes ever, IMO, is where Kramer and Newman are in Jerry's apartment, making sausage. There are sausage links hanging all over the kitchen, and the two guys are dancing around to this accordian music. Hysterical! :bounce:

Jerry: What the hell is going on here?
Kramer: We're making sausages!
Jerry: I thought you said you were going to watch a video!
Kramer: Yeah, a video on how to make your own sausages!

Later on, when Izzy Mandelbaum arrives with a wooden board for Jerry:
Izzy: Tonight I want you to sleep on this. Strengthens the vertebrae... what in holy hell? Sausages! Is this your diet?
Jerry: No Mr. Mandelbaum, let me explain!
Izzy: Don't lie to me. We're takin' it up a notch.

"Hey, I've been in a schvitz for 6 hours."

where could he be, believe it or not, I'm not home.

put this on my answering machine. So damn funny.

No!!! ... I go out for a quart of milk, and come
home to find my son treating his body like it was an amusement park!

Kramer:You're really in love with this guy, aren't you George?
George:No I'm not. You're crazy.
Kramer:No no no. You LOOOOVE him!
George:You're not getting sandwiches up there!
Jerry:You're making SANDWICHES?

With George's pants around his ankles. :D

:)

Kramer: First it starts off with a few slurs. "Hey, Denty!" Next thing you know you'll be saying they have their own schools!
Jerry: They do have their own schools!
Kramer: See? There you go already!

I'm Cartwright!

"What's so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store I wouldn't shop there." -George-

Believe it or not,
George isn't at home
please leave a message
at the beep.
I must be out
or I'd pick up the phone,
where could I be?
Believe it or not,
I'm not hoooome!

And the SECOND time they played it!

"That's your boyfriend."

"What does he do?"

"He's an importer."

"Just imports? No exports?"

"He's an importer-exporter. Okay?"

"Her mother is a mudder?"

"What'd I say?"

'women and children first' is an antiquated notion. -Jerry

But Babu Bat and his restaurant is my favorite:

Jerry: "I am a good person."

Kramer's "I WOKE UP IN THE EAST RIVER....IN A SACK!"

"I didn't tell you to put the balm on."

and they are SPECTACULAR

George: "We'll tell him we're afraid."
Jerry: "We can't do that. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe!"

Kramer: "By the way, those condoms I gave you..? Don't use them, they're defective."

I'm Victoria, hi

They should call it Roundtine.

:D

Oh no....blood!

If I pick, should I not be loved????

it's me' routine? I invented 'It's not you . . . it's me'. Nobody tells me it's them not me. If it's anybody, it's me!"

My fake phone number is coming out!
Jerry: You have a standard fake?

Later on,
Elaine:Nice vest. I like the large metal buttons.

(I think this was from the Festivus episode, too.)

What a delicious cuisine-o, fit for a king and queen-o!

George: YOU TELL THAT SON OF A BITCH THAT NO YANKEE IS EVER COMING TO HOUSTON AS LONG AS YOU BASTARDS ARE RUNNING THINGS!
Wilhelm: George, get a hold of yourself!

Kramer: Jerry, you look so tense. You need a soak.
Jerry: I'm not sitting in that bacteria trap you have running in there.
Kramer: I've got the hot tub running, the windows open, the cold air blowing in. It's like Sweden in there, Jerry. Sweeeeee-den!

Maybe the DINGO ate your baby!

On edit, I'll add "Chewing gum and diddling the maid."

I don't back off until it's finished.

Worlds collide, Jerry.

You sold us a hair with a cake around it. -Elaine