ALERT: New disease hitting the South and mid-West!!

HOUSTON - According to the scientists at Disease Control Center, Mad Chrisitian Disease, also known a MCD, originating in Texas and spreading throughout South and mid-West, is now a danger to the healthy constitution of the U.S.

However, at least 40 percent of the population in parts of the South and 35 percent in parts of the mid-West have successfully avoided this disease by taking the precautionary methods outlined in this article.

MCD is a brain-rotting disease that somehow makes those who suffer from it cherry-pick parts of the Old Testament, including the Ten Commandments, whilst leaving out virtually all of the New Testament, including the Beatitudes, as if Jesus never existed. Sufferers may see abortion, for example, as an evil sin against life, but do not see how war and the death penalty constitute an equal threat in death avoidance.

Luckily, the Disease Control Center has devised a list of methods to avoid this ravaging disease:

1. Read investigative news stories. Avoid listening to propaganda, such as Limbaugh, Hannity and Savage without having read several real media outlets in foreign countries and studying the actual Congressional bills.
CAUTION: Reading should be limtied to foreign newspapers and news outlets that can be found online. The media in the United States, with the exception of Keith Olbermann on MSNBC, has also become infected with a form of MCD, called CAKD, or Corporate Ass-Kissers Disease, and can no longer function as a protector of the citizen voter.

2. Reading the Bible and studying the good works of Jesus also serves as a method of protection. Jesus's habit of kicking out "money-changers," or government officials, from holy houses, such as churches and temples; His kindness toward ALL of God's creatures - including prostitutes and probably homosexuals - and His Sermon on the Mount regarding the rejection of evil, injects an influx of healthy tissue to the brain and heart and staves off MCD manipulations of His good works. He really meant it when he said the meek shall inherit the earth!!

3. In addition to reading, it also helps if one laughs - and laughs out loud - at the rantings of some of those suffering from MCD. Ignoring their manifestations also results in worsening their condition, which includes their speaking in tongues ("Librul media! Librul ACLU! Librual this! Librul that!"), and eventually causes an explosive rupture of their aeortic valve, blessedly putting them out of their misery.

Please tack these tips up in your home, particularly if you live in the South and the mid-West, where cases of MCD are reaching epidemic proportion.

I'm Southern and I've successfully avoided MCD by practicing those tips.

;)

Merry Christmas! (I'm nursing a sick kid on Christmas Eve night. He's just now fallen solidly asleep, so I can finish up everything for the massive ripping and rending of silver, gold, red and green paper in the morning.)

"contagious!" Wishing you a safe and happy holiday!

:)

Those old remedies for religious superstition and the resultant brain damage are better than anything that has come out for the last 100 years.

The United States needs another Ingersoll - someone who could tour the country and speak out in simple terms about the deception and fraud that is behind religious dogma.

It's sad to think how much ground has been lost in the past 100 years. Free thought used to be acceptable and somewhat in vogue.

"reading" part of the suggested MCD avoidance list.

Have you ever read Evelyn Waugh? His sardonic tales regarding the very rich and how they lavish in decadence are good for the soul.

...we can't have a single thread touching on Christianity without at least one pathological Christian-hater trying to hijack it.

:puke:

lo and behold, this was being composed at the same time.

and will be bewailing about how utterly persecuted they are and how every single post on DU, ever, has been filled with unveiled hatred toward Christians.

I'm a Christian, and I thought it was hilarious! Thanks for posting it!

And let me say, pre-emptively, to all the whinging Christian wankers - sod off and grow up.

AND I'm a Christian - Catholic, to be precise.

If people don't understand the difference between right-wing manipulated knee-jerk, Old Testament-God-is-Wrath christianity (small "c" on purpose) and the real Christianity that Jesus espoused, then I agree - let them sod off and grow up!

Thanks for enjoying this. :)

Very nice indeed!

And though I am a protestant, I will not succumb to temptation and say that you cannot be both Catholic and Christian, since it is Christmas and we all celebrate the same thing, mostly.

:evilgrin:

Well, I know where you would go with that, but I will just add that the Catholics were, if nothing else, fantastic marketing professionals in spreading the word about Jesus. I mean, their really only HUGE failings were those Crusade things and those pedophile priests.

:evilgrin:

Merry Christmas! :hug:

...and some old uppity priest "nailed" them on it. :evilgrin:

BTW: ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT! Especially the CAKD - very good!

And floaty hearts for Keith. :loveya:

On edit: Maybe you should send it to him, he'd probably get a kick out of it.