Recipe for tomorrows party- Tequila cake

TEQUILA CAKE

>>>> 1 cup water
>>>> 1 tsp. baking soda
>>>> 1 cup sugar
>>>> 1 tsp. salt
>>>> 1 cup of brown sugar
>>>> Lemon juice
>>>> 4 large eggs
>>>> Nuts
>>>> 1 bottle tequila
>>>> 2 cups dried fruit
>>>>
>>>> Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large
>>>> bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the
>>>> highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
>>>> Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in
>>>> a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat
>>>> again. At this point its best o make sure the tequila
>>>> is still OK. Try another cup...just in case. Turn off
>>>> the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl
>>>> and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging
>>>> fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the
>>>> fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it
>>>> loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check
>>>> for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or
>>>> something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon
>>>> juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon
>>>> of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash
>>>> the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to
>>>> fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
>>>> Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the
>>>> tequila and wipe counter with the cat.
>>>> CHERRY MISTMAS!