This is a true story I have to tell. (long, frightening)

I just have to try to tell this story from two-three days ago.

Background: my SO's sister and her boyfriend, who have a history of drug and alcohol abuse (23 and 25 years old), moved out here to the sticks from Baltimore in August to try to start a new life together. They bicker constantly, drink heavily, and I don't believe have left the meth behind. After we could stand no more of them (and their first domestic violence arrest), they got themselves a trailer up on the local mesa, down about fifteen miles of county dirt road.

The second arrest came two weeks after they got out of jail, and only he went away as she took off. It was an epic tale that night, fortunately all of it taking place down here in town where the cops and EMS people all know me. Much drinking and fighting, a broken window (thankfully elsewhere) and the boyfriend running bleeding across town in a snowstorm to my house where the SO (also an EMT) patched him up before the cops hauled him off.

So codependent, they of course stuck together.

Now, to Tuesday night....

Actually Wednesday morning, phone rings at 2 a.m. Frantic call from boyfriend, tells the SO her sister locked herself in the house with kitchen knives threatening to kill herself... and my SO's daughter was up there. The daughter (16) broke through a window to get at her aunt, cutting herself badly.

We spring to our feet and start driving up the hill to the mesa. We pass the daughter on the way down, still no license at the time but she stole her aunt's car to get off the mesa. Crying, bleeding from her hands and forearms, we spin around and the SO patches her daughter up.

Next, we decide to see who's still alive on the mesa. Daughter said there was fighting, fists thrown by both, and generally scary stuff. We grab the med kit, flashlights, cell phones, and smokes.

Up we drive, discover the boyfriend at the end of the driveway pacing. It's probably 3:30, 4 a.m. by now. Sister has apparently locked herself in again, and he's had it with going through the window. He always manages to calm himself down when "authority figures" (which I guess is us) arrive, so aside from the tweaky twitching he's pretty together.

Apparently the sister polished off her own bottle of Sky vodka earlier, and God knows how many "stackers" (these over-the-counter diet speed pills). So we go inside, she's sitting in a little ball with a big ol' kitchen knife, bawling and sniffling.

Then came the shouting, the threatening. She brandished the knife, boyfriend jumps in and gets it in the stomach. Maybe an inch in, nothing life-threatening.

We call the cops.

Sister runs back inside, we clamber into the car to meet the cops at the end of the driveway, a "safe" distance from the rest of the knives in the block. Cops arrive surprisingly quickly -- turns out at some point the sister had been on the phone with her mom back east, who hung up and called the cops herself.

Cops arrive, we give them the skinny on where the knives are in the house, and they barrel up the driveway. Two cops, two trucks.

Well, we follow in a few minutes. Turns out she split, ran off into the woods. All of the properties up there are on 5-50 acre parcels, ponderosa and scrub oak mesa, maybe 8,500 foot elevation. And it's starting to snow.

In the next 20 minutes about a dozen more sheriff's deputies arrive -- which, you should know, is pretty much all of them in this county -- assisted by a half dozen search and rescue personnel. Flashlights, megaphones, the whole bit. Four and a half hours they look for her.

By 8 a.m. the SO and I are back in the house filling out paperwork on what we saw. Two cops there with us. Suddenly the sister barges in, pushes past one of the cops, flips me off, and heads for the kitchen knife block, getting a big one.

I blink and the deputy is on top of her, pinning her to the ground with the knife hand splayed out. The other one is telling her to let go of the knife or he's going to pepper-spray her.

The SO bursts into tears, I lead her out of the house to where the rest of the police et al are reassembling quickly, rushing into the house to assist. The sister is screaming, cursing. I just hold the SO and take her in the back of my car and we sit there.

Fallout:

Both went to jail that morning. He got $10K bail, she $5K. He got himself out after 24, as did she -- after a painfully inadequate joke of a psych evaluation, if you ask me. He's considered the bigger threat, even though his initial arrest that morning was because he admitted to drinking, in violation of his restraining order.

The daughter is going into counseling with her mom; thankfully I know all the people for that kind of thing in the county through my work, and can get them started right away. I've had a few talks with her, too. I've got a lot of admiration for how strong she is, but I'm still glad she's getting help.

Both are out of jail, have hearings coming up, and are avoiding us. The boyfriend heard (although they now have a "no contact" order between them) she got herself out with her old engagement ring, from back when she was about to marry a drug dealer.

I can't wait for them to show up on my doorstep again. I've seen no evidence (and neither, apparently, did the DA) either of them have been trying to clean up their acts... she's blown off her court-arranged counseling, he simply refuses to ackowledge he can't be around her without getting violent and controlling.

...Huh. As I was typing this, the sister called to remind my SO and me that everything was fine before she came out here (right) and it was all her fault for calling the cops (right) and if it wasn't for the laws in this state she'd be OK (uh huh) and she needs money to pay for the hotel room she somehow booked into last night.

We said "no."

Are you OK? Been there. The ones who suffer the most will be you and your SO. PLEASE take care of yourselves, their behavior worries me. My youngest brother who did this kind of thing tried to kill me so you watch out, OK?

I'm by nature cautious. Plus, the police all love me because of the job, so heck.

This thanks goes to everyone else too, I'm just therapy-cleaning the house at the moment. 'Twas a lot to get out all at once. :)

Stay away from them. For your own good.

It's time to let the system do its thing.

Good for you for saying no. Your SO sister and boyfriend need serious counseling and drug rehab. I would definately keep my distance...especially with the 16 year old. She could have killed him...or herself. She needs help. Please take care of yourself.:hug:

It's really true that you can't solve other people's problems - until they decide for themselves that they need to change, nothing is going to change for them. I know - I've been there though certainly not to the point these two obviously are.

Though it's hard to give up on family members, sometimes it's the best thing you can do. Only when they find themselves at the very bottom with no one to bail them out will they realize that they have to either change or die. Some do die - but it's not the fault of the people who care about them.

I'm very sorry for you and your SO - it must be hard for her to see her sister like that but the safety of you and she and especially that poor child depends on keeping away from these lunatics. :hug:

Stay the hell away from them. And avoid contact. I know it's hard.

I had a sister who lived with a very abusive, domineering asshole, who used to be a friend of mine. Between drugs, alcohol, and the controling behavior, she was reduced to a shadow of herself. She called up crying several times about his abusive behavior. I told her, for her own good, I'd buy her a one-way airline ticket to anywhere she wanted to go, and give her a months living expenses.

She took me up on it, but a week later she was back with the asshole.

To make a long story short, she left several times, and always went back, until she eventually committed suicide.

I hope it works out better for you, but you've got to keep your sanity too.

As a post script, the asshole died from liver failure about 3 years later. I'm an atheist, but I hope there's a hell he can burn in.

Stay away from them and get a restraining order.Whew. Sorry.

Sounds like the sister and the BF are so messed up they don't realize how dangerously messed up they really are.

Time for you two to step back totally away from them and far away from their needless dramas. For your own safety from the sound of it but also for your own peace of mind. And it's GOOD that "we" told the sister, "no." :thumbsup:Perfect!
Brandishing a knife, assaulting someone with it, bawling and becoming furious, add alcohol? She needs some serious help however sounds like it's way beyond what you or your SO can do for her.

Moving anywhere to start a "new life" will never change anything if they won't make changes within themselves. It's always baffled me that people think their lives will be different, better or magically changed, 'if only I lived here or maybe if I move over there then finally I'd be happy.' :shrug: That might work if they didn't insist on bringing that same head filled with the same stinkin' thinkin' inside of it.......with them:crazy:

Good luck and be careful.

Those people would be better off if they were locked up. About a year or so of enforced sobriety would probably do them a lot of good.

and send her a letter saying see you only when you are clean and sober!
Send her a list of the shitty dangerous unacceptable things you ain't ever going to tolerate again. Give her something t chew on when she wants to blame you. She may be really deluded because she is so high all the time-- set her straight . And say as long as you are making excuses for this horrible shit and continuing this self destruction, you are on your own. No exceptions until you choose to get a life.
Be careful. Warn her there will be consequences and stick to it. Do not let her near any of you!

Thanks. :thumbsup:

both of them!

Glad that your SO and her daughter are getting counseling.

:thumbsup:

Just take care of you and yours. I know an addict can't help it but they take everybody within hearing distance down with them. PLEASE...be careful!!

I sure hope you and your SO will not have to go through any more of this nightmare.

will work. My sister, also an alky and a druggie, has been in jail several times for substance abuse. She spent 6 months (I think it was) in L.A. City Jail as well as other times. She is STILL an alky and a druggie.

The problem in her case is that she will not admit to being an alcoholic, and that is the worst part. She'll own up to the drugs, but not the alcohol, which is her greater demon. And what she REALLY needs is a psych evaluation, which they won't give her. She was molested by our father when she was younger, and I am sure that is at the heart of her problems, but no one will be her advocate and get her straightened out. She refuses to listen to advice, and will fight with you if you try to say anything at all. She ignores advice, and actually will "run away" if you persist.

She has no permanent home, except with a control freak asshole who has none of her interests at heart, and she runs away from him and spends time with another lying sack of shit who has snitched on her on one occasion which led to her arrest. She refuses to straighten out, and has actually sabotaged efforts to rehabilitate her.

My mom is an enabler in her case. She will help get her out of jail, and has on two occasions, paid for the monitoring equipment for a house arrest. She also gives her money (when her welfare check is mostly gone, spent on booze and other crap) and allows her to drink when she's driving with her.

I think that recidivism is too strong for these people because at one time or another, they have been neglected by the system, and put into a category which emphasizes the "crime" and not the reason behind the behavior. Instead of putting them into jails with major criminals, they need to be given that psych eval and put into someplace which gives them the treatments they need to help straighten out their lives. Since it costs money to do this, it's not going to happen, though. They just become lazy in life, blaming everything wrong with them on society, and keep having people aid and abet in their continual slide to the bottom. They're not going to get involved in saving their own lives until everyone has told them "NO!" and they'll be faced with the gutter or worse. But they will continue to con others into giving them exactly what they want, but don't need.

that would be any body else's decision. These addicts are already working the guilt angle on their own. it ain't their family's decision, or the cops even, we all want to be protected from addicts running aound with knives, don't we? jail is the only immediate solution to protect anyone from the violence they threaten.
All that can be done is to stop all enabling- all of it, immediately. Research if there are any treatment programs they can get into and give them the info, and say not one penny, or one finger lifted until you get out and are clean. Do not allow them to blame you or use you any more. It just prolongs things.

and strength so that your SO's sister and boyfriend can get their lives straightened out.

It's tough to have to say "no" to a family member.

My best wishes to you all!